The government of my state had asked respective organisations to send in a representative each for some sort of appointment in the present administration overseeing an annual event in the state, and my director found me fit for it. The night he made his decision, he called me over to his place to have a chat. Which surprisingly was about when l would marry. According to him, the organisation would sponsor my appointment, if money were to become an issue, but I would not be eligible for it because of my unmarried status. Apparently, the administration was worried the event could soon be turned into some sort of gay pride affair, and one way to tackle that eventuality, they didn’t need single men handling the state affairs chairing the event.

“Efe,” my director was saying, “this is my way of saying job well done for all you’ve been doing with us. So, don’t let this pass you by. Get a wife. l know you are gay, have known this for three years now. But you can’t get appointed as a single man. At least, get a girlfriend and get engaged or something. Let people start seeing you as a man serious about settling down.”

I was already bristling, but tried to keep calm. After all, the man’s heart seemed to be in the right place. Firmly, I said, “Sir, that would involve me deceiving whatever woman this is into thinking I am straight or at the very least bisexual. And I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to do that.”

The man made a sound of exasperation. “Guy, do you know how many gay men like you who are married just to cover up the shame and still do their stuff in secret?”

Gay men like you who are married just to cover up the shame, I thought as resentment swelled inside me. This is what straight people actually think gay men are trying to do when they run into marriages. Cover the shame. Which, let’s face it, is true in some cases. But that is not true for most people. If anything, my resolve firmed even more after my director said what he said. I wasn’t about to make his point for him by agreeing to this farce.

“That’s my point, Boss,” I said. “There is nothing shameful about loving a human being irrespective of gender, and l don’t intend to live a life of pretense. l am who l am at least for now. Let the appointment pass. It’s not all about the money. The scandal that will follow when I am discovered as a gay married man leading a double life will be more damaging please.”

“What scandal, Efe?” he objected. “When you’re in government as SA or PA to the Governor on this state affairs –”

“Imagine that!” I interrupted him pointedly. “Such a position will make me a target for scandal mongers. Imagine the headlines, Boss. State Exco Member Rumoured To Have Gay Lover. Member Of Government Caught Having Sex With Gay Lover In Hotel. I don’t want that please. I won’t be one of these public officials going through sex scandals that’s publicized all over the internet.”

The director maintained a short contemplative silence, before saying, “But come o, I won’t judge – but what is so sweet in a shit hole when vaginas are everywhere?”

I took in a deep “Jesus, take the wheel” breath, before responding, “Boss, it’s not all about the hole.” Then because it was time to let the devil use me, I said impishly, “How about you give me a chance to work on your nipples or ear lobes with my tongue, give you a tantric massage, rim your hole with ice cream and chocolate. Maybe then, you will understand better.”

Making a face, the man recoiled. “Efe! This meeting is over! Have a good night.” With a laugh, he added, “You’re just impossible.”

As I drove home that night, I thought about the whole thing. Truth be told, l felt very sad and depressed over the fact that I was being denied of a career opportunity, not because of my qualification but because of something as unnecessary as marriage. What the fuck is this marriage bullshit! As if pressure from family is not enough, now society has joined the party to pressure single people into situations they wouldn’t otherwise get into?

I thought that would be it on that. But my village people had more aggravation in store for me.

A few days after my meeting with my director, word apparently got around about me turning down a government job because of my refusal to meet the requirement. It was such a vexing thing that happened, that for the first time in a long time, I found myself wishing with every fibre of my being that I could just become a vagina lover just to get over it all.

My father summoned me to his house (something that is very unusual), and when I got there, it was to meet almost all my paternal family members resident in town present. I was basically summoned to face their disappointment and disgust over the fact that my homosexuality had made the family lose a chance at being in the corridors of power.

Imagine that!

This wasn’t about me. It was about them and their lust for power.

Through all the rubbish that was said to me, I stayed calm and unresponsive. Until an aunt said something that caused me to discard the home training my mother gave to me.

She said sneeringly, “You’re such a disgrace to this family. Most times, l doubt you’re truly my brother’s blood, because our family is not cursed.”

I turned an icy look to her and said, “Aunty, please mind your choice of words.”

“Shut up your faggot mouth!” she shrieked. “l wished you grew up under my brother. You would have become more responsible. l wonder if that woman even had time to train you.”

I could take the disrespect on my person. What I would not stand for is disrespect on my mother from the side of my family that never cared when she was bringing me up all on her own.

With my eyes spitting fire, I turned on her. “Madam, l can take all your insult, but don’t you dare bring my mother into this. If your brother was that responsible, he would have put on a condom when he was going to have sex with a woman who he wasn’t ready to have a family with. If he was responsible, he wouldn’t have run away from his responsibility after getting an innocent girl pregnant. At least, that woman trained me and brought me up singlehandedly, a feat you can never achieve because you have a puppet for a husband. The fact that your brother surfaced into my life ten years ago doesn’t make him a beacon of responsibility.”

There was a thunderstruck moment of silence after my outburst. I refused to look in my father’s direction. He had asked for this when he invited his family to this meeting to abuse me over something that wasn’t their business.

Eventually, his wife – my stepmother – broke the silence by saying, “My own is you should not infect my children o.”

I rounded on her. “Would you rather they be cultists and drug barons then?”

“My friend, get out of our sight, you disrespectful faggot!” my aunt raged. “Your friends are in the corridors of power, doing well, and you’re here, chasing men.”

“Hold your breath, Madam Perfect. I’m leaving already,” I said as I began to collect myself, ready to storm out. But I wasn’t going to leave until I’d fired my cruelest shot. “Lest l forget, madam. Your own mates are in the cemetery, resting in peace, and you’re here, sapping the blood of young boys to stay alive.”

My words had the desired effect. There was an outburst of outrage in the room and the woman burst out into tears. She was crying and abusing me as I stalked out of their toxic compound to my car. It was a wonder I was able to get home safe, so filled with fury was I during the drive home.

The next day, my mother called to plead with me to go back and apologize to my father, who was threatening to take me off his will and testament.

It will be a cold day in hell first.

Written by Efe

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  1. Tobi
    June 28, 06:15 Reply

    Efe! Efe!! Efe!!!!

    How many times did I call you?
    Haba now but then the elders say it is the hand that disturbs the wasp that the wasp stings?
    Fire was met with Fire.

  2. Sim
    June 28, 06:18 Reply

    Efe, I respect ur decision but I wouldn’t have done it your way. Sometimes we do wrong for a bigger price, who knows how many gay boys/ girls you would have helped if you had taken that appointment.
    Your director suggested getting a beard( fake GF), maybe you were the one to influence policy and decrease hostile laws in ur state but now we can never know. Maybe that position would have provided you platform to change things for your community. I hope whoever takes the position is not homophobic!

    • Share
      June 28, 06:49 Reply

      Please please please, ah ah, what are you trying to say? All the individuals who have fought for LGBT rights in other countries had to marry to do so abi?

      Please Sim, don’t think like that ah ah…

      And the married gay men who are in government now are changing things abi?

      When in reality they are the ones doing the most damage.

    • Pink Panther
      June 28, 06:57 Reply

      Sim, people who can make change should not have to compromise themselves to do so. Please don’t encourage that. Besides, which married gay man in office is doing anything to change LGBT issues? Most of them get into public office and become primarily concerned with protecting their image.

  3. Black Dynasty
    June 28, 07:06 Reply

    Wow wow wow!!!!!!!

    Sighs I applaud your courage to stand unapologetically!
    Unfortunately I see this coming my way as well as things move forward career and family wise. Already survived parental guilt trip and emotional blackmail in the last 2 weeks… it hurt but going back into the closet is not an option!

    Lol yes PP, i will hand over my stories soon ?.

    • Pink Panther
      June 28, 07:32 Reply

      You. Better. Because I’m just siddoning here, looking at you like ????

  4. trystham
    June 28, 07:27 Reply

    I feel sad because ur boss just normalized a culture of cheating. I’ll bet anything he has many flings besides his supposed ‘responsibly married’ facade. And it’s gay guys that are the indiscriminately randy persons of this world. Nonsense and ingredients.
    I dunno if I’d have done or said those things to my family, but I did get immense satisfaction from the tears u had said ur silly aunty wept.

  5. Mandy
    June 28, 07:54 Reply

    I’m just here appreciating how out you seem to be. Your boss, your family, even with the ones who hate. Damn! It’s not just the Bisi Alimis of the world sha. There are Nigerians right here, being out, staying out, and living their lives as authentically as is possible.

    Kudos to you on your defiance and determination to be you. I feel inspired by your story. I’m sure there are others who will be too. Nobody should have to be made to be who they are not in order to be agents of change.

    That clapback at your aunt though… LMAO! Oh, to be a fly on the wall when that happened.

  6. Mark
    June 28, 08:06 Reply

    Lovely! I like your strong resolve and also not letting your family intimidate & insult you. ?

  7. Higwe
    June 28, 09:03 Reply

    Efe, my brother .. ethics will not feed you in this country …making good use of every and any GOOD opportunity presented to you will. You have a once in a lifetime opportunity to be so much more , I think you should take it .

    To satisfy your conscience , get a woman that knows your sexuality (so you don’t feel like you’re perfidious )
    Let it be a sort of business agreement between you two …

    Rumours are just that -rumours .
    Many prominent people in the society have been scandalized by unfounded and deliterious rumours and it hasn’t affected their statuses or well beings in anyway .
    In this age where everyone is guilty of being gay until proven innocent … literally no one takes gay rumours seriously any more .It’s so hackneyed at this point that many treat it facetiously .
    So believe me brother , you’ll be fine .

    No one has ever effected change from the bottom of the barrel .
    Yes , we are going to applaud you here .
    Yes , we are going to cheer you for being a virtuous gay man .


    That’s where it ends . Tomorrow we will be on the lookout for the next hot story and that’s it .

    You have an opportunity to represent us from the top and I think you should .
    You never know where your political career could take you .
    Heck , you might end up “eventuarry ?” as the president of the whole damned country and extirpate the 14 years law.

    People will say no gay lawmaker has ever helped the community but who is to say you can’t be an exception. …

    ” Hope may be frail , but it’s hard to kill ”

    I wish we were in a society where our love wasn’t homeless .
    I wish we were in a society where you could have a PDA with your partner and no one would bait an eyelid .
    But we are not and we won’t be there anytime soon.
    So become our Robin Hood …live this lie and save us from these snollygosters .

    And dear, don’t be froward and obdurate now -apologize to your dad , we need that his will . ? There can never be too much of money .

    Secure that presidency .
    End it with the leighster .
    Legalize gay marriage .
    And come and pay my groom’s price ….I’m super good looking and an amazing cook .
    I’m UNAPOLOGETICALLY yours .??

    • Sage Philip
      June 28, 12:24 Reply

      And just like that a shoot was shot. Well just be ready to be a Trouple.

    • Sim
      June 28, 13:47 Reply

      Thanks Higwe.

      I owe you, and I always pay ?.

    • Eze...
      June 29, 00:50 Reply

      I have always wished to meet you in person Higwe,ur write ups make me wanna learn writing.
      Biko,can we talk?
      I need to really discuss alot with you dear.

      Efe,you have heard most of the advises here,I think Higwe’s the best.
      We need that power,we do.
      Teink Yiew!

    • Julian_woodhouse
      June 29, 01:21 Reply

      okrrrrrrr….”super good looking and good cook” A man is taking meticulous notes with his quill pen

    • Fabuluz
      July 03, 06:21 Reply

      @Higwe You just nailed it!!!

      Wisdom is profitable to direct. Live the lie and cause the change

  8. mike
    June 28, 12:14 Reply

    Dear efe, figure out the impossible, and do it, anyway.

    Aim for the heavens and if you fail, you’d get the sun. Shot for the son, if you miss your aim, you’d fall on the sky. Reach for the sky, at least you’d land on your fathers roof, if you had to fall.

    Figure out the things, that are important to you, things worth sacrificing for, and let that guild you in making your choice.

    It’s OK, if power motivates you, money etc, absolutely OK. And it’s also OK, if it doesn’t

    Just be sure that whatever motivates you, motivates you for the right reasons

    This is not the time to be selfless , this is a time to be self-full. You can only impact as much change, as has occurred within you.
    You can only better a person, when you are better. Self-full not selfless.

    Understand the difference.
    Self-full requires an understanding of self, self knowledge.

    Selfless requires a negligence of self, ignorance / denial of self, to be without understanding of self.

    You are still the one with the unique perspective, touch and purpose. You are no good to anyone half full, not you.

    A master is always masterful, because he is a master, if not his works become mediocre.

    Do not set out for the wrong decision, with an aim of doing the right thing. If your motivation is wrong, your decision is always be tinted.

    If power is important to you, chase it cause it is important to you. And it’s a life essential, it satisfies you, fill you up.

    It’s all about you, being self-full not selfless.
    So decide what you want and stick with it like a man, that you already are.

    The weight of the world is not on your shoulders, can never be, will never be. There is just you, Efe and what you want to do, what you choose to bear, sacrifice for and life for.

    Think the world of YOURSELF, be the world to YOURSELF

    • Sage Philip
      June 28, 12:43 Reply

      Do not set out for the wrong decision, With an aim of doing the right thing.If your motivation is wrong, your decision will always be tinted. DAZZAL!!!

      • Higwe
        June 28, 16:52 Reply

        My dear life is complicated .
        You’re probably still very young …
        Everyone wants to do the right thing … unfortunately shit happens .

        Aren’t you the guy that wants to have sex with god , angels even Satan ??
        I would think if anyone would understand that life is fucked up , it would be you .????

        • Sage Philip
          June 29, 07:57 Reply

          Diz boi ehhh! Well there is difference between fantasy and reality. So far as the process of wishing that my fantasy comes through is not hurting anyone,then its not an ill wish. Now the reality now is that Efe dont have to live a lie in other to be considered worthy of that post. And need i remind you that being in Nigeria,sociatal and family expectations is never a reason to live a lie. finally, we both know that as sexually adventrous as you are, if a position of power and money is involved to help the LGBT+ and your only requirement is to be a monk, You wont take it.

          • Higwe
            June 29, 09:51 Reply

            You’d be surprised what I can do for money and power .??

            Don’t even go there at all.???

            • trystham
              June 29, 20:17 Reply

              *snorts Something that we already know.

            • Kayode
              June 29, 22:57 Reply

              Won’t be surprised dear.. wetin Igbo man no go do for money.. ??

    • Black Dynasty
      June 28, 18:12 Reply

      “Do not set out for the wrong decision, with an aim of doing the right thing. If your motivation is wrong, your decision is always be tinted.”

      This! I am yet to see people who compromised their belief and personal values with the aim of doing good, not be tainted.That stain will remain, and nothing under the sun is hidden forever.

      Once you enter into the corridors of power, if your foundation is weak, you will be quickly taken by the prevailing current. Integrity and dignity still mean something, money and power is not everything.

      • Fabuluz
        July 03, 06:26 Reply

        If quarter percentage of Nigerian politicians have integrity… The result would have been obvious.

  9. J
    June 28, 15:26 Reply

    If only gay guys would be more responsible. I can imagine going through all these heartache with no stable shoulders to lean on. I believe you are strong person Efe, you’re not alone in this struggle.

  10. Chidinma
    June 28, 16:36 Reply


    I’m glad you stood up for yourself. I glad you also kpa kpa du kpa’d everyone. Fuck all of these your elders, your family etc. A family that picks and chooses when you accord you humanity. Is that one still a family?

    Nigerians need to wake up and stop according unnecessary respect to people who are not deserving of it. Family or not. Be unapologetically you! BRAVO!

  11. Bee
    June 28, 19:27 Reply

    Even if you agreed to, I don’t particularly understand how your boss expected you to get married before the appointment??? When did this happen and when is the said event?

  12. Jaykingboo
    June 28, 21:29 Reply

    Well I wish I could be as bold as that…. I had a similar issue though not on that level.
    I wish I had the balls to stand up to what society was pushing me to.

  13. Francis
    June 29, 14:30 Reply

    Looking forward to the plenty miraculous work you married gay people that will enter power will do for Nigerian LGBTQIs. ???

    • Mitch
      June 29, 15:36 Reply

      Doc, you dey mind them?
      Let them keep showing their hypocritical selves.
      Ndi ara!

  14. Sworld
    June 29, 20:30 Reply

    Higwe your choice of words are so impeccable. Nice.

    Efe I believe with this pool of opinion, you will decides what’s best for you.
    you are the Author of your own self, you know what you Truly want and what’s is best for you.

    meanwhile, I love the fire and Ice fury at the gathering. awesome.

  15. Temi
    July 02, 05:51 Reply

    The director maintained a short contemplative silence, before saying, “But come o, I won’t judge – but what is so sweet in a shit hole when vaginas are everywhere?”
    I took in a deep “Jesus, take the wheel” breath, before responding, “Boss, it’s not all about the hole.” Then because it was time to let the devil use me, I said impishly, “How about you give me a chance to work on your nipples or ear lobes with my tongue, give you a tantric massage, rim your hole with ice cream and chocolate. Maybe then, you will understand better.”
    Making a face, the man recoiled. “Efe! This meeting is over! Have a good night.” With a laugh, he added, “You’re just impossible.”

    lol ? I guess he was already having orgasms

    Concerning your family members honestly I can’t say what I will do if I were in your shoes and they pressuring you that you didn’t get the government job it’s only because of the benefits they will get such people really don’t care about your existence.

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