RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 42)

RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 42)

Hello everybody how has your week been? Over a year ago, I was busy scrolling through instagram, looking, judging, admiring, when I came across my friend’s page and I saw a picture of him kneeling to propose to his girlfriend. It startled me. For starters, he hadn’t told me he was going to propose to her, and since he’s gay, I did not think he would want to marry a woman so early in his life. I scrolled past without even liking the picture; my feelings were hurt as to why my friend would get engaged and I’d get to find out on Instagram. After a few days, he reached out to me and we sort of settled the issue; he apologized and all and I wished him well, even as I was asked to be a groom’s man. However the wedding never held.

After the euphoria of the engagement, the issues started. He was often made uncomfortable whenever his fiancée called him. And Lord knows that girl can ring him like 12 times in one hour. Fine, not one hour, but you get my drift. Soon enough it began to feel like a prison for him, and we, his friends, mocked him whenever he complained; after all, no be us send am market. On one of those Islamic holidays (biko when is the next one coming up, I could use a trip), we took a trip together. I’d told him that he should have made plans with his fiancée or at least brought her along for the trip, but he didn’t heed my words. She kept calling throughout the trip, and it made him miserable. I began to feel sorry for him. At the end of the day he is gay and he just couldn’t keep up any longer. We got back from the trip and he called off the engagement, giving his family one flimsy excuse about the girl and her family, and seeing as his mother wasn’t so excited about the girl to begin with, she agreed with him that it was for the best.

Fast forward one year later, I was chilling at home after a good workout and he called me and said that his sister may call me and that I should be honest with her, that he was tired of lying. And then, he hung up. It was such a cryptic call and I didn’t know what to make of it. Just before you could say BBC, the said sister called me and said she wanted to see me. I asked her if all was well and she answered in the affirmative. After her call, I tried to reach my friend but he wouldn’t pick my calls. At this point, I was sure this was a kito situation. However I was very close to the family, so I went to meet with his sister all the same.

So it turned out my friend went and came out to his family (Some people have mind sha). I was shocked when his sisters brought it up. After he called off the engagement, they were pressing for another fiancée and he kept pushing them back. When the pressure got too much, he called a meeting of his family (without his parents though) and broke the coconut. To my shock and amazement, his siblings were supportive; two of them said they knew already (shebi I say family always knows), and my name entered the matter, since the two of us are very close.

When I came for the meeting, his sisters were very courteous and somewhat patronizing; advising me to live my life and be happy, something they said is the most important thing in life. Then, they told me to ensure I don’t “bring shame to my family, I should go about my business with maturity”, that that was the same advice they gave their brother. I wanted to take them up on ‘shame’ and ‘business’ bit, but I decided to let it slide. Till date, I am very cool with the family.

However I wasn’t happy with my friend. It doesn’t make sense to force someone out of the closet simply because you want to get out. Coming out is a decision one makes for himself, when he or she is ready. My friend ambushed me, even though it wasn’t deliberate. I told him that when they asked about me, he should have just said that he didn’t know. Coming out and dragging another person out with you is not a good idea. I’d however like to know what you guys think.

*

Port Harcourt boys have no chill when it comes to setting P; assin no chill whatsoever. There is a restaurant that I buy a monthly lunch plan from sometimes; for a fee, they deliver lunch and a snack to you for a full month. It is kind of a good deal for people who don’t have much time to cook, more especially with the expensive restaurants in this overrated town.

After some months of patronage, I noticed that the restaurant had created a whatsapp group for their regular customers and share information with them. I am not a fan of whatsapp groups, but they shared some deals there, so I did not exit the group. I stayed even with the torture of waking up to a million unread messages every day.

Then, some guy sent me a private message one afternoon. I checked the profile picture and I’d never seen the face before (this is why I hate the app by the way, someone gets a hold of your number and you almost cannot shake them off). Upon thinking what it would hurt, I responded to the message. I later realized that he added me from the lunch whatsapp group, so I relaxed. Over the next few days, we exchanged generic scanty messages about the weather, the elections and local politics in general.

After a week, he started becoming flirtatious with me and I was half surprised and half worried. Why was this random stranger who had never met me being flirtatious with me? I checked my profile picture and in the picture there, I was in a business suit; if I’d been wearing one of my short shorts that look like it was plucked out of the rainbow, I would say I knew why he massaged me. There was nothing really on that profile to suggest to a random stranger that I was gay.

At a point, I messaged him and told him that he was actually talking to a guy. He said he was aware of that and that it doesn’t stop us from “relating and rubbing minds together”. Well, we continued chatting and I did find him very interesting, plus it didn’t hurt that he was very handsome and bearded. However when he began to push for a meet, that little voice of reason in my brain reminded me that this was how (horny) people walk into kito situations. Here I was considering meeting a man I knew nothing about except that he is cute. I became evasive on committing to the meet and kept posting him and posting him until his interest waned.

One day, out of the blue, I asked him why he messaged me and he said that he came across my picture from the lunch group and liked who he saw. He ran the number on true caller (another stupid app that the creator has a spot in hell for) and saw a name, and then took this name to social media. I mean, if you follow me on social media and you have “the eyes of the spirit”, you will definitely know that I am gay. My brothers and sisters, you see the lengths this guy went just to be sure before setting P? Pitakwa bois, I throway salute for una lol.

XOXO

DM

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41 Comments

  1. Shar
    February 17, 07:21 Reply

    Yaaay im d first!!! Lmao!!!! That dragging someone out of the closet with you thing, it tire me i swear. Morning kdians

  2. Max 2.1
    February 17, 07:24 Reply

    I hold no pity for gay men who put unnecessary burden on themselves by picking up a beard, in fact, I wish it on them(to be miserable and depressed). Mtchew.

    Truecaller is one of the best apps ever made.. Has helped me get rid of so many stalkers.

      • Max 2.1
        February 17, 11:56 Reply

        I’ve been searching my brain for a while now ,but can’t seem to remember which day or time I made you the author and finisher of my life.. I am NEVER getting married to a woman!!. You’re not the one to decide or forsee how my future is going to turn out as you’ve never come out to us as clairvoyant.

        I’m not Mr A or B or Z or whatever, I am me and I live for Me.. I’ve decided on how to live my life, so please stop your assertions.

  3. ELI
    February 17, 07:24 Reply

    sometimes it feels like u live in an alternate universe, your life just seems too interesting, like serial I would LOVE to watch weekly.
    true about the coming out bit though, there was no need to rope u in there, at least he shld have let u know beforehand.
    but am sure he knew u enough that u may be the only one he could count on for support at that time. Good for him though, coming out is not an option for everyone and am proud he had the courage and means to do it.

    • Dennis Macaulay
      February 17, 08:59 Reply

      Sweetheart there is a lot of mess that doesn’t reach here trust me lol.

      I am just as flawed and boring!

  4. Jamie
    February 17, 08:14 Reply

    ”He came out to family….”
    Hmm….. Not a bad idea though. And yes, noone in the world should out someone in any way.

  5. Kenny
    February 17, 08:22 Reply

    I think it’s very selfish and inconsiderate to drag someone out of the closet because of your own frustrations. I’ll be very furious with anyone who does that to me. As for the setting p matter, that guy really has no chill. That’s how some P setters will end up getting kitoed!

    • Pink Panther
      February 17, 08:24 Reply

      Well he did his research well before going ahead to set P. Facebook is the ultimate confirmation ground for people looking to ascertain your sexuality.

        • Dennis Macaulay
          February 17, 09:01 Reply

          Instagram is the ultimate place ojare! Just look out for the green button.

          The more the gay-er

          *sips coffee*

          • michael
            February 17, 19:06 Reply

            What green button? Tell me Denis quick.

      • Kenny
        February 17, 09:47 Reply

        Hian! PP you seem very well grounded in this setting P thingy. Can I sign up for tutorials? ??

  6. Mandy
    February 17, 09:15 Reply

    And just like that, another Nigerian gay man gave himself peace of mind and a life free from familial pressure to settle down. Omo mehn, nothing better than to come out and free yourself to exist as your true self in the eyes of your family.

  7. ambivalentone
    February 17, 09:38 Reply

    I give ppl I meet online my two names…as the spirit leads. I only hope the person(s) at Pank Shin has whatever name I decide to give saved up on their phones so I don’t come off as a liar.

    You have told this tale. It is annoying that he did that. All these associate outers sef

  8. Lothario
    February 17, 12:18 Reply

    People dragging you out of the closet have a special spot in hell…. It is the worst thing to do to anyone, friend or foe.

    Personally, I think mutual friends on Facebook tell all you want to know.

  9. Wytem
    February 17, 16:20 Reply

    What is setting P biko?

  10. Francis
    February 17, 16:53 Reply

    Hmmmm, time to start following cele and mfm people on Facebook.

    Your friend no try at all but you can’t stay mad at him as the situation didn’t get ugly.

    • Max 2.1
      February 17, 20:12 Reply

      @Parafrancis, TB Joshua people too. Oh and don’t forget to add your pastor and make daily bible quote posts..

      • Francis
        February 17, 20:15 Reply

        ???

        My bestie would most definitely ping the life outta my phone asking when I repented.

  11. ikhines
    February 17, 17:40 Reply

    Can we induct this man into KD hall of fame and retire this series!!! Is it until people stop leaving comments? Just my opinion!

  12. Cho
    February 17, 19:07 Reply

    Mr DM, you seem to have an interesting life. I actually look forward to reading your journal.

  13. Chizzie
    February 17, 20:50 Reply

    I didn’t want to comment to avoid giving the comment count a round figure… But whatever .

    Here’s the thing Dennis, don’t you think it’s high time you hang the towel? Clearly interest is weaning in this journal, as the theme continues to be repetitive and more obviously made up. The comments have also dwindled, and have become a dry mix of kumbaya chorister singers.
    I dunno, Dennis but I think it’s high time you call it a day. Or come up with something else.

    Also it seems my erratic presense on this blog is coming at a time when comments have noticeably been on a decline , which could just be a coincidence of course.

    I guess this is what happens when everyone kumbayas.

    • Mandy
      February 18, 05:54 Reply

      Lol. This guy gives himself way too much importance that’s just not there anymore. The things people will say on KD to make themselves feel good and relevant sha.

  14. Duane
    February 17, 22:49 Reply

    I’m new herr. What does kito (verb) mean?

    Interesting read even though it certainly seems embellished. Glad I discovered this site (via a Grindr chat buddy)

    Lol @ mutual friends as a means of confirming sexuality. I don’t know why anyone adds flaming queens on Facebook. That’s only necessary if you’ve known each other since nursery school lol.

    • Francis
      February 18, 05:03 Reply

      Because they are super secure when it comes to their sexuality and they don’t give a rat’s ass what other folks might say/think.

      Bienvenido.

    • Wayfaring Stranger
      February 19, 00:41 Reply

      Welcome, Duane.

      Kito – the reveal of your sexual orientation, usually against your wish.

  15. bountyhunter
    February 17, 23:23 Reply

    DM please you need to take a break from this. I have nothing against you but it is getting to a point where I just read a few lines and scroll down… this is turning into a hot mess! it’s time to let go and let God biko!

  16. Frankie
    February 22, 10:45 Reply

    No one has the right to drag me out of the closet against my wish. I won’t be cool with that.

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