Let’s Discuss…About Homophobia

Below is the Facebook post that was brought to my attention by a KDian. He just wanted to let me know that a mutual friend of ours was being homophobic and was clearly ignorant about it. I clicked over to the said post, read it, started out nodding with appreciation at the expressed sentiment–

Until I got to the last line.

I will never support gay anything but homophobia is sickening.

And when a commenter called him out on the oxymoronic makeup of his post, this fella, who would like us to believe he’s not homophobic, turned around and lashed out.

(‘Binya’ is famed and out writer, Binyavanga Wainaina).

Now, I brought this post up in the Facebook LGBT forum I belong to, and was surprised when views supporting this guy’s standpoint were expressed in an ensuing comment thread. Check on it below.

BM: Well here’s my take, that you don’t support gay activities does not mean you are homophobic, I believe there is more to being homophobic than not supporting gay activities. I may not like the act, but that doesn’t mean I hate the person. That’s called tolerance. You can’t force a person to like what they cannot like but they can be tolerant, that’s what we are aiming at, isn’t it? Let us not become what we are trying to get rid of in the process of our struggle for tolerance. We are becoming more intolerant than the homophobes. What’s that called, heterophobia?

SU: Homophobia (as defined by World Web): Fear or dislike of (Prejudice against) homosexual people and homosexuality. So when someone says ‘I will NEVER support gay anything’, it seems to me like he is prejudiced. And THAT, my dear, is Homophobia.

BM: I’m entitled to my thoughts, dearest, but at the rate at which we are going, we would soon have the word heterophobia, when the real aim is for both parties to live side by side.

SU: Did you even get my point? I’m not heterophobic, kindly refrain from throwing that word in my face. I just have a problem with people masking their prejudice with faux concern and others making excuses for them.

BM: Let’s agree to disagree

MO: I am with BM on this…there are Hetero guys who aren’t exactly fans of homosexuality but are tolerant albeit of gays.

SU: If Hymar belongs to that category (and that’s a big IF, because that guy gives me major antigay vibes), then he should word his opinions on gay issues more carefully.

MO: SU, let me paraphrase, is Hymar a fan of Homosexuality? Definitely not. But will Hymar be among a mob that will lynch, attack, physically hurt, or maim a gay man for living his life which has nothing to do with him? That I sincerely doubt. It’s a matter of live and let live, which is the basic principles that should guide our humanity.

SU: Right, because homophobia is only homophobia when people are killing people.

CT: Gee, I should be grateful that at least he WON’T mob and kill me. Thank you Lord!

HH: There are people who neither support homosexuality nor homophobia. These sets of people are those who believe homosexuality is an aberration and homosexuals need help. They don’t support jailing or killing gays, but they’re not out to vote or speak in support of gay marriage either. They’re not indifferent to the subject either. Some believe homosexuals need therapy. Others are religious and believe Jesus loves the homosexuals like he did the adulterous woman immediately after which he told her to go and sin no more. After all, it is said, Jesus came for the sinners. Given my little knowledge of the OP, I am inclined to take the latter explanation. And though we can all agree that this position is more benign than outright homophobia, at the root of it is a condescending empathy that I find insulting.

CA: Homophobia = Fear/hatred for gays or gay activities. It’s different from supporting them. That’s why we have open-minded people, those that don’t have any issue with your sexual orientation. Doesn’t necessarily mean they have to support you. So the Facebook poster is right.

HH: CA, did you say he doesn’t have any issues with your sexual orientation? You need to visit his wall. He makes it clear he finds homosexuality repulsive but finds homophobia even more repulsive. I don’t know if there’s a contradiction there but it appears so.

SU: Leave CA let him be talking. It’s people who don’t know Hymar na. Na today we sabi Hymar?

CT: Homophobia encompasses a range of negative attitudes and feelings toward homosexuality or people who are identified or perceived as being lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT). It has been defined as contempt, prejudice, aversion, or antipathy, may be based on irrational fear, and is sometimes related to religious beliefs – Wikipedia. This isn’t rocket science.

OS: Okay let’s assume he is not homophobic (it doesn’t even feel right in my head to assume he is not)…if there is to be a vote for or against legalizing gay activities in Nigeria tomorrow, would he vote for or against it? I think the later will be the case. That he “doesn’t support” being gay means if he gets a gay son tomorrow, he won’t support his son. He won’t accept him. This right here is homophobia, my people.

HH: And here’s another one: “I have a gay friend. One that’s so close that peeps close to me that might know about his preferences think I might play for that team. Their business. In fact I have gay friends. I tell them – my gay padis – from my side of the fence that “Oshi len ba kiri.” I like women. I believe opposites attract. Physical opposites. Yin yang. That type of ish. But if you wanna play for that team, it’s YOUR business. Doesn’t mean I don’t consider it rubbish.

“I think about the fact that a girl might lean on me one kind and nobody gives a shit. I might even like it. But a guy? Peeps are already guessing. Now if I know he’s gay, there’s no way that idea wouldn’t cross my mind. I’ll be careful even if I don’t want to be because I can’t be certain if we’re just friends or if he kinda looks at me that way.

“I’m being honest here. Still, it’s his business. Doesn’t matter if I consider it a sin. That’s my business. When my Lord said, “Love your neighbours…” I believe he meant gay people too. I don’t have to condone all that you do to be friends with you. Hell, I don’t like drunks too. We share our humanity first before anything else.

“So I’m your friend. I will not put up a rainbow for you. I will not march for you. I wish you well and will deal with anyone who wishes to bring you harm though. And if you can’t deal with that, well fuck it. Simply means you’re the one who doesn’t understand that I also have the right to pick my struggles. It’s that simple.”

CT: ‘Doesn’t matter if I consider it a sin’? Ogbeni, are you without sin??? Smh

OS: ‘But if you wanna play for that team, it’s your business, doesn’t mean I don’t consider it rubbish” … I didn’t know one can still consider something he doesn’t care about rubbish.

HH: It’s homophobia, my dear.

There was so much back-and-forth as views were expressed and people dissented over the opinion of whether this Facebook poster was being homophobic based on his update. I used to think homophobia is clear-cut; just like CT in the thread said, “It’s not rocket science. Homophobia is the feeling of contempt, prejudice, aversion, or antipathy, expressed against members of the LGBT, emotions which may be based on irrational fear, and is sometimes related to religious beliefs.”

How then does recognizing this lead to the LGBT individual being heterophobic? And what does it mean for a heterosexual person to be TOLERANT of the homosexual person? This is something really important that I’m genuinely interested in us clearing up. How does one differentiate between a tolerant heterosexual and a subtly homophobic one?

Let’s discuss.