Open relationships have been a “thing” in the gay universe long enough for the stigma attached to it to throb with the same strength as so in the heterosexual hemisphere.
And an unlikely voice has recently spoken out in defense of openness. In an interview with True Exclusives, actress Mo’Nique gives a candid take on what’s made her marriage work. Whether or not it matches your own personal relationship goals, hers is a story worth sharing:
“Honesty. That’s it. When I hear men say ‘I don’t tell my wife everything, you crazy?’ and I hear women say ‘I ain’t telling my husband that, you crazy?’ So you mean you trust somebody else other than the person you lay with every night, you slept with, you cried with, you make love to? So I think those long lasting things is simply honesty and communication. It’s got to be your best friend. You’re laying with this person every night. If you can’t tell that person how you feel, then you’re in a bad way.”
She went on to describe how that communication relates to sexual attraction outside the marriage:
“The person that you stood up and you said ‘for better, for worse, sickness and in health, richer or poorer’ you took those vows in front of the universe. If you don’t live by them, then maybe you shouldn’t have taken them. And when you say ‘a pass to cheat’—see, when you’re with your best friend and you say to your best friend: ‘I’m having these feelings about this person, sexually, and I want to share it with you.’ When you’re best friends, you can have those open and honest conversations. Often times, people cheat because of something they’re not getting. But when you have open and honest dialogues, and you say we’re just human beings. And all these people on the face of the earth, do you think my eyes won’t ever say ‘he’s fine’ or ‘she’s attractive’?”
And continued by explaining how it works for her in practice:
“Now, if you want to go further with it, let’s be honest enough to have those conversations. What is it about that person that you find that you want to sleep with? Because they may give you something that I’m simply not willing to do. And if that’s the case, how can I be mad? Because I’m not going to do it. Should I deprive you of not having it? That’s when the relationship is real.”
This isn’t the first time Mo’Nique has been upfront about her open marriage. During a 2007 New York Times profile, she explained, “We have an agreement that we’ll always be honest. And if sex happens with another person, that’s not a deal breaker for us, that’s not something where we’ll say, ‘Oh my God, we’ve got to go to divorce court, and you cheated on me.’ Because we don’t cheat.”
So, any thoughts? Feelings? Concerns?
Excuse u monique!
Pp I have a million thoughts and opinions on this.
Let me just start by saying before my boo opens his mouth to tell me he wants to cheat (let alone actually cheats) he should find out how that went down with my ex!
Monique, sister girl, you’s in denial babygirl seems like you looking for excuses to justify his cheating ass. Before he agreed to bind himself to you forever, he ought to have known you not that type that do that shit he seems to want to get outside.
Like i’m all for having sexual fantasies etc. But such fantasies should remain just that. We are not supposed to get every single thing we fantasize from our partner. Its all about compromise, and that what marriage is all about.
Open relationships are for people who have chosen to play second fiddle or side chicks to their boo
Dont no man wanna hear his sugaboo screaming in ecstasy in the arms of another man
‘Monique, sister girl, you’s in denial babygirl…’
And that’s where I stopped to have a good laugh. Chai! Ken, look at you going all Madea on Monique.
@Ken: he doesn’t have to hear it…except if y’all are in d same room,and are freaky like that.
Say*
??? That’s all. I’d rather we keep it honest than resort to creeping around and risking unnecessary heart attack and HBP.
Ignorance can also be embarrassing. While you’re there forming “boo of life” “we’re so in love” “we are unbreakable” to the whole world, that same world is laughing their ass off cause they are in on your partner’s extra curricular activities.
Well then clearly he doesn’t respect me enough to cover his tracks properly and the relationship isn’t worth being in.
Lmfao @Ken ?????? Touché
Monogamy no be everybody cup of tea bros. Besides she gets a pass to catch her fun too unlike Lil’Wayne’s ex wife whose current husband gets an 8-day pass and she doesn’t.
I believe monigany isn’t everyone’s COT, so she and her husband should’ve stayed unmarried. Modern day marriage is about monogamy and exclusivity.
It’s more than that oh if not we wouldn’t be fighting for marriage equality.
There are privileges enjoyed by married couples which unmarried couples don’t enjoy.
Francis I’m well aware of that. The discussion/argument in view is about sex
I agree with her somewhat but like I often sat, relationships have no template! Do what works for you guys!
If this works for her marriage who are we to say it’s not valid?
Every couple have a right to define the parameters of their relationship. So anything anybody else will say, the perfect answer is: “mind your fucking business.”
I think she means open, as regards dialogue and not open in the actual let’s -have a -threesome -sense. She’s saying both partners should be able to have honest conversations with each other, which sounds like a good thing in the theoretical sense but I don’t think humans will ever be completely honest. There are always things we’ll leave out or exaggerate or completely fabricate, and just because you give the impression of being honest doesn’t make you honest
I’d rather you respect me enough to cover your tracks and not let me know whatever you’ve been up to with whoever and I’ll do same
Sometimes ignorance is bliss
She’s just fat n ugly and scared hes gonna cheat on her, I mean look at him (he looks like a cross between a player and an A-hole). She’s just insecure and open relationshops are mostly orchestrated by insecure people who’d rather allow their partner to cheat on them and share it with them than forever wondering who they’re cheating on them with.
There’s something so Nigerian about her thought process. Like someone rightly said, its like the weight loss is having a negative impact on her thinking faculty.