The Bottom Chronicles (Entry 2)

The Bottom Chronicles (Entry 2)


This particular post has been talked about here before – on more than one occasion in fact. However, I do not believe that there’s such a thing as over-flogging an issue as important as this.

First times always come with a whirlwind of emotions and unpredictability – the nervousness, the anxiety, the fear.

For the gay man who wants to bottom however, it’s a whole other level of anxiety. Your nerves are climaxing with anticipation. Your resolve isn’t strong enough to discourage your mind.

It’s no big deal actually.

Here are 9 things a first-time bottom should know.

1. DIET: The stomach should be the best friend to any good bottom. A grumbling stomach, an upset rectum is a no-sex indicator. You go ahead with it, disregarding the signals your belly is sending to you, and you may find yourself committing the greatest offense/sin in gay sex – painting. [In case there’s anyone here who doesn’t know what ‘painting’ means, this is when your rectum empties its contents while you are being buggered. A very nauseating sight. A terrible, esteem-killing experience]

Personally, I eat four hours before having sex. That helps make sure my food has properly digested and I must have emptied my bowel before getting down. For some other people, it could take a longer or shorter time depending on the metabolism of the individual’s body.

Whatever be the case, do not eat a heavy meal before bottoming. Light meals, fruits are recommended. This both helps keep you active and aids in cleansing the system.

2. CLEANSE THE BOWEL: Sweetheart, take yourself into that toilet, stoop and poop. Emptying the bowel an hour or two before sex is usually the best. That way, your ass doesn’t have the offensive stench of poop like it would should you go minutes before taking the D. For those who love to rim and get rimmed, this is very pertinent.

Going to the loo long hours before sex is quite tricky. From personal experience, nervousness makes the bowel churn. So most times, if I have used the toilet, say, in the morning in anticipation of a romp later in the night, when it’s about to go down, I sometimes suddenly feel pressed and it’s a very uncomfortable feeling for someone about to get penetrated.

Like Tip Number One stated, eating fruits helps a lot. You could also take Andrew’s Liver Salt like a friend of mine does (that’s for those with weak metabolism); this helps cleanse your system too.

It’s no news that an empty bowel goes well with a full rectum. *winks*

3. YOU BETTER DOUCHE: If after Number Two, you then proceed to throw yourself on that bed and spread your legs to receive the organic cucumber, it is a thunder coming from a pride march that will strike you.

After emptying your bowel, you douche – that is using warm water (there’s enema but that’s not readily available and also has its side effects) to clean your anal chute from inside out. You could use a pump, a shower hose to get the water inside of you, trap it in, shake your butt for a while, and then release your sphincter muscles to get rid of the water.

Repeat this process until the water coming out of you is clear.

However, to my fellow time-is-of-the-essence brethren, you do it the local way. Insert your longest finger – the fuck-you one – (lubed up of course for better penetration) into your chute. Do so while pouring water over your ass crack. Keep inserting and pulling out until there’s no debris on the finger.

You could also do this with soap. It is effective, but if done consistently, can damage the anal lining.

And we don’t want that now, do we?

4. HAVE A SHAVE SESSION: This is not mandatory. It is totally any person’s prerogative. I’ve come across people who said hair around their holes makes the sex painful. This is basically because the strands find a way to get into the hole during thrusting, causing friction and possibly exposing the bottom to lesions.

The top himself could be at risk. Stubborn, thick hairs could pierce the condom and lacerate the dick during sex.

Some other bottoms have hairs, soft hairs that dilate once lubed. These ones can have sex comfortably without having to shave. (Yours truly falls into this category).

So if you have a thick, stubborn bush down there and you feel it would be an inconvenience, trim the hedges. Most guys get stimulated by a smooth bum. It makes rimming a whole lot easier to do without having to pluck off strands of hair from your teeth. Now that is very embarrassing.

5. GOOD FOREPLAY: In all my bottoming experiences, the best I’ve had has been the follow-ups to great foreplay sessions. Good foreplay has a way of relaxing the body, gets you on edge and increases the passion that allows for better and painless penetration because of the tingles you are feeling all over.

Any top who wants to just fling you on the bed and enter your gloryhole without foreplay should be given a kick to the groin and shown the way out of the local government area your house is located in.

Also, foreplay shortens Thrust Period as both of you are already at the brim of sexual excitement, so the thrusting won’t be for too long. This is particularly great for the first-time bottom because, trust me, you don’t want to get banged longer than necessary on your first.

6. LUBE UP, LUBE WELL: Do not allow anyone born of a man, breast-fed by a woman to get into you without lubrication. Proper lubrication! Not the saliva variety! Please and please, olive oil, Vaseline, engine oil, palm oil, oil bean (lol) – these are also not lubricants for the ass biko!

Firstly, they are oil-based, which isn’t good for the anal lining. It makes you susceptible to lesions which are the preliminary to STI exposure.

KY Jelly, KLY Lubricating Jelly and other WATER-BASED lubricants are best (because silicon-based lubricants aren’t readily available in these parts). Also, try going for lubricated condoms rather than the non-lubricated ones.

Good penetration is directly dependent on Good lubrication.

7. SEX POSITION MATTERS: For some, this may not be an issue, but this is about the exceptions like me. For me, my best position when being penetrated at the start of any romp is lying face down on my belly with my ass arched up a little. (This should not be confused with the doggy.)

Look for a position you are most comfortable with. Although, the one described above has proven to be effective in the sex lives of a lot of friends and acquaintances.

8. BREATHE EASY: Upon penetration, many of us fail to understand the importance of exhalation and inhalation. You should not allow tension anywhere near you at that moment. Tension reflexively causes the ass muscles to clench and thus makes it hard for the top to penetrate, which could inadvertently lead to forceful entrance. And this can cause magnified pain and sometimes, bleeding.

When he is about to go in, try to relax the muscles of your body; this leads to the relaxation of the sphincter muscles and thus, allows the hole open up properly. Once the hole is opened up, penetration is done better and with little or no pain.

Knowing how to relax is one thing most bottoms have failed to perfect. Breathe in deeply, exhale. Do this as many times as is required for you to be tense-free.

9. IT’S ALL IN YOUR MIND (HEAD): Just like all other aspects of life, the mind plays a very huge role. If you have conditioned yourself to feel pain during sex, no matter how painless your partner tries to make it for you, you will not get pleasure from it. Open up your hole, sorry, your mind to the idea of getting penetrated and deriving pleasure from it. You could zone yourself out upon penetration, think of something blissful, something intriguing until those first few minutes he is trying to get in has passed.

It helps. Remember, it’s all in the head (pun intended).

Finally, do not forget safe sex makes it a whole lot better. Always make sure he wears the latex cap over his phallus. Sex should be without risks.

Written by Delle

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Dear Diary, I zoned out of everything for some reason. I stayed offline, ignored messages and used every free time to read a book, watch a TV show or sleep.


    • Mandy
      June 12, 08:51 Reply

      What is giggling this one?

  1. Francis
    June 12, 07:54 Reply

    Plucking hair from teeth while rimming ??????. Foreplay really helps a lot as you say. Thinking back well, i barely had a painful session with my isi oporoko ex as his foreplay game was on point. ??

    Interested parties should try psyllium husk for regular and clean, i mean really clean bowel movement. It’s not for eveybody sha as it demands a good water intake habit and no prior instestinal issues.

  2. Mandy
    June 12, 08:50 Reply

    Such wisdom in this entry. ????

    Where’s that guy that was asking about bottoming.. . Here you go.

    • Jcee
      June 12, 11:40 Reply

      Mehn this is too much.
      Don’t think any dick is worth this stress ??

  3. energy
    June 12, 09:05 Reply

    all these stress because of prick. abeg i no do oo, I don’t even like anal sex anyway. shuoooooo!

  4. Kainene
    June 12, 09:30 Reply

    “insert your fuck you finger the longest one into your chute ” Delle oooo!!!! lmao!!!!!!!!!

    • ambivalentone
      June 12, 12:56 Reply

      The science of this statement is so inexact and inconsistent with the length of dick one is expecting #sigh #troublesofabottom

  5. Jcee
    June 12, 11:42 Reply

    ???? delle honey, you are the best. But I’ll pass on this one.

    • Pjay
      June 12, 13:39 Reply

      I don’t think all bottoms go through all that stress to prepare for sex. You could be a natural whose rectum is ready to be buggered at little or no notice.

    • Delle
      June 12, 23:27 Reply

      Lol. It’s not so much of a big deal actually. It’s a sequence.
      Reading it individually seems like it’s tasking but over time, it becomes a routine more or less.

      Besides, there are some you wouldn’t have to ‘prepare’ for anymore once you get the hang of it. I wrote all of that to encompass different types of people. You could be am exception and just need 4 out of the 9.

      Be positive. ?

  6. Foxydevil
    June 12, 11:45 Reply

    This is quite funny actually.
    What about all the random hook up stories I read here categorised under non fictions,where people engage in random hook up, sometimes even with” straight men ” when do they get the time to make all these preparations ?

    • Delle
      June 12, 23:32 Reply

      Trust me, it gets to a stage where it is no longer ‘preparations’ but routine.

      Random hookups do not necessarily mean ‘impromptu romps’ you know that right?

      • Foxydevil
        June 13, 08:22 Reply

        Have you ever hooked up with a dirty person? Someone whose pubs and ass smells like shit .Hygiene is the most important thing I look out for in any relationship and I’ve broken up with people just for not flushing their toilet.

        • Delle
          June 13, 11:22 Reply

          It’s one thing to meet someone dirty and another for you to go ahead to do something with the person.

          If you are unhygienic, you have no business spreading your legs for anyone. It’s a no-no!

          • Francis
            June 13, 11:37 Reply

            Hian, is it your unhygienic? Some people like their sex as unhygienic as possible *pukes in mouth*

            • Pink Panther
              June 13, 11:41 Reply

              ??? The poopers and urinators… All that is unhygienic na. Even the painting sef, there are tops who’ll go on banging you furiously even when it’s clear, both in sight and smell, that you’re ‘cumming’ ass-wise. People are different biko. And they like their things differently. And it’s OK as long as it harms nobody.

              • ambivalentone
                June 13, 12:10 Reply

                I still need help with this arse-cum-not-shit thing o. I have read its possible

                • Francis
                  June 13, 12:22 Reply

                  I’ve got pills for that. Inbox me if you’ve got the bills. ????

                  • ambivalentone
                    June 13, 13:51 Reply

                    To make cum real life thru my anus??? Haba Francis. Remember how long we’ve bin together. Through good and horrible moment *bats eyes frantically*

              • Delle
                June 13, 15:17 Reply

                True what you all said @PP and Foxy but still allow me be disgusted in peace ?

  7. OMG!!! It's HYPO
    June 12, 13:59 Reply

    Thanks so much for this Auntie Delle……..Ah ma ri yin ba oh (Someone should help with translation #biko)

  8. Ojukwu Jeff
    June 12, 16:56 Reply

    You can as well use *Spunk Lube*, it’s really a nice lubricant

  9. Bain
    June 12, 17:13 Reply

    You forgot “Finger Edging”; after douching, you put your thumb and pump for few minutes(with lube of course),then get in two fingers,then 3 fingers…pump Till it doesn’t hurt. if you can’t get two fingers in,by all means avoid anals.

    • Delle
      June 12, 23:20 Reply

      Thats like fingering. I kind of meshed it with the foreplay point.

  10. Pablo ™
    June 12, 20:00 Reply

    How did i end up being btm sef? Maybe cos I love being dominated cos btm sex has nvr bn enjoyable to me. I need a teenager wt sexy lighy and big assss to top

  11. queen of kitoes
    June 12, 20:22 Reply

    I love this, helpful, especially that part when one’s mind plays an important role in having sex. The mind is a powerful tool. Still trying to figure out how to condition my mind properly though *sighs* probably when I become a well. right now, I’m a borehole.

    • Delle
      June 12, 23:19 Reply

      Your pseudonym though. Very disturbing.


  12. Chizzie
    June 12, 22:20 Reply

    You lost me at “painting” being the greatest offense in gay sex. You do know that’s the primary purpose of the rectum right? To store and expel poop, so likening a normal human phenomenon to a “great offense” is childish but then again it’s Delle so..

    Bottoms should have the common sense to douche, and tops should be mature and understanding enough to handle painting senerios if and when it happens.

    • Francis
      June 12, 22:23 Reply

      Chizzie decides to grace us with his presence today. Hey man, how market? ☺️☺️

    • Delle
      June 12, 23:17 Reply

      Oh you aren’t dead yet? Can’t say I’m pleased to see you.

  13. Dextrous
    June 13, 02:26 Reply

    The first and last time I tried to bottom, I removed the stick as it was just getting inserted because the pain was unbearable. I was lubed with body cream. The was no condom. Failed attempt.

    • Delle
      June 13, 11:24 Reply

      Body cream is not nice at all. It’s oil-based and without a condom? Well thank God it was a failed attempt.

      • Foxydevil
        June 13, 12:06 Reply

        More reason we need to give bottoms more props, they are the back bone of gay sex, still they are treated with disrespect and regarded as “less of a man ”
        Imagine if the world was full of arrogant tops ,how would one enjoy the joy of penetration. ?

      • Francis
        June 13, 12:16 Reply

        I did body cream all through one short-lived relationship like that and it worked for us sha. *covers face* ???

        • Delle
          June 13, 15:15 Reply

          Francis keep hoarding your sexperiences o???

          • Francis
            June 13, 15:33 Reply

            Not all sexperiences are sexy and fun enough for public consumption. lol

            • Delle
              June 13, 18:30 Reply

              The raunchier, the better.
              Asbyiu can see, some people like scat sef.

              *rinsing mouth*

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