Dear Diary,

I have a major concern. It is about the duration of how sex should be. These days, I have been really concerned with the expected length my partner needs when we get down, and honestly, it is becoming quite a chore, and it is slowly becoming one of the reasons I need a boyfriend or a long-term fuck buddy. That one person whose needs I understand and can readily satisfy without feeling like I’m falling short or pressing on too hard.

Hooking up with a guy that expects a two-hour-long sex when you had the intention of just busting a nut and leaving in about 30 minutes is one of such awkward situations; or a case where a guy is ready to go the second round shortly after the first but you know you need a little break before little Johnny can get to play. Then there are guys that want you to bust as fast as possible because they can’t take the D for over three minutes, or the ones that act like having over a 9-inch dick means banging them till the end of the world.

Lately, I have been meeting guys that request a longer duration, and frankly, I do not have the time for that. I am more for an intense foreplay, intense quick bang, and an after-play of lying in bed and feeling each other.

These groups of guys – who I should add are older than me and which I hope explains their ability to stay on longer – make me feel like I fall short of some part of sexual prowess. Someone said it is normal, as guys are different and no one guy has the ability of another guy in the sheets. The thing is though, I aim to please, you know, to put up a show every time.

So dear diary, tell me, do I wait till I am older, considering I’m in my early twenties, to discover if I can go the expected round of four for a man, or do I start now to “fix” the ability to last longer sometimes and bust quicker other times?

Or does this ability depend on certain factors, like weather, tightness or looseness of the boy’s pussy? And what tips do you need have to be the power top for your power bottom?

Being a black guy, certain expectations are required of you. Am I being paranoid to want to be able to please every time? I know there are guys who can.


In the meantime though, something pretty cool happened recently. There is this super-hot guy from my former gym who I had my eyes on for a long time. He is tall, caramel-skinned with a phatty. I used to crush on him when I used my old gym, but stopped seeing him when I switched to another fitness center.

I guess my gaydar was right all along as I just discovered he is gay and bottom.

What are the odds that that super-hot, masculine, tall guy at your gym who hardly notices you exist turns out not only to be gay, but a bottom and actually admits he has had his eyes on you for a long time?

Dear diary, at this point, I believe nothing is impossible.

Next stop is David McIntosh. I’ll tell you more with time.


I honestly feel that the ultimate test to determine if someone really likes you is how fast they respond to your text messages. I may be wrong but considering the text messaging culture prevalent here in the US and how everybody has their phones within reach at all times, it is impossible for someone to say they didn’t see your message for a significant amount of time. To be clear, I am not talking about social media messages that may be missed when not logged on or ignored because someone like myself do not take social media messages as priority. No. That is different from text messages, especially here in the US. People don’t even call anymore; they see phone calls as too formal or an old fashioned medium of communication. Texts is always the way to go, and if I – despite the fact that I work in a strictly no-phones-allowed-during-work-hours office – still find time to reply your messages, you better have a very valid reason for not responding promptly.

This is what led to my falling out with Miguel, you know, my Latin lover. We hooked up several times after the first, but each meeting was so difficult to schedule. This made me confused. I could see he liked me or was acting like he did pretty well, but always failed to reply messages for so many hours, even on days he was off work. I knew he’d claim he doesn’t have his phone on him, but when I check his IG, I’d see he’s just posted a picture. I don’t know about others but if I like you, your text messages become top priority; even as I sit directly in front of my manager at work, I am willing to risk a text communication if I like you.

Also, Miguel is quite the traveler and party animal, really living the gay fabulous life of exotic trips and clubs around the world. Honestly, I was quite envious of the fun and endless travels, but nothing infuriated me more than the failure to reply messages while still claiming he liked me. I really find it difficult to believe, as personally, if I don’t like a person, I lag in my reply to their messages.

So, I don’t get it. How does someone claim they like you but cancel many times when a meeting is planned or fails to reply messages leading to a day or two?

Written by Duke

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  1. Di-Navy
    November 08, 07:07 Reply

    That *fail to reply message part* kills my feelings for someone and I get indifferent a out him because we all have ego as well.
    If you claim to like/love someone . there’s no excuse for not replying his message on time when you are with your phone .
    People or someone I like, nothing stops me from replying his message despite how swamped I tend to be with chores et al
    If one doesn’t reply your message on time , there’s someone he replies right on time .

    • Pink Panther
      November 08, 12:09 Reply

      “If one doesn’t reply your message on time, there’s someone he replies right on time.”


  2. Bain
    November 08, 07:44 Reply

    if he doesnt reply your messages quickly….his attention is on someone else… he may like you…but your not his priority….*power top part*…nna don’t kill your self….just do what you can.

  3. ambivalentone
    November 08, 08:04 Reply

    You knew he’d claim he doesn’t have his phone on him? There are some apps that exist on ppl’s phones, active but useless. And if hooking up with him had been such a chore via text, u already shud know he prolly doesnt text as much. Why not send him messages on apps he uses more (for want of u sounding like a creepy stalker)

  4. Chizzie
    November 08, 08:12 Reply

    It’s possible that someone could like you but still not reply your msgs on time. Ultimately ; I feel it has more to do with your established rapport with the person and this is something dt has to be built over time. The only persons who’s texts I reply ASAP are my besties and mum

    For guys, It takes a lot of getting to know before they reach the point where I reply thier msgs as quick as I can regardless of how attractive i find them; I just never see it as that urgent. But that’s just me

  5. IBK
    November 08, 08:39 Reply

    Speed of text message replies… Hmmm. Just because you can reply texts whenever doesn’t make the other person thethe same. Did you communicate your worries with him apart from just assuming. He may have tried to drastically improve his texting of you did. If y’all had talked and there had been no compromise or improvement then it’d be no biggie letting things fall out.

  6. Delle
    November 08, 10:32 Reply

    Firstly, no guy with a big dick is knacking my cucchi more than 30mins. Then two hours?! God forbid the things of the Devil!
    My dear, you are perfectly fine. And I get that innate feeling of wanting to please at all times, but it strikes me as someone who isn’t so proud of his being and is then trying so hard to live up to expectations. You should break out of that. If you can’t do that two-hour ride, do not beat yourself up.
    They want to coman kee dia fada!

    I totally buy your theory on the ‘if you like me, you reply my messages in time.’
    He obviously doesn’t like you or probably does but doesn’t take you seriously. More like a convenience.
    Focus on our McIntosh guy biko.

    OAN, your diary wee just be looking at you like ?, how will I get all the answers to these questions of yours from na?

    • Pink Panther
      November 08, 12:14 Reply

      ???????? Diary will be looking at heaven like, Oga Jesus epp!

  7. Duke
    November 08, 12:57 Reply

    My diary better find me answers! Lol

  8. peaches
    November 08, 14:53 Reply

    Darling, trust me calls scare me cos some people can talk you to death and the calls come at very odd times. For texting, its fair, but I have 105 unread text messages. Whatsapp is perfect for me. if I don’t reply dat for hours, I am either dead, kidnapped or dead battery. or I intentionally don’t want to reply that. as for the sex, if I dare meet someone suggesting an hour I’d miss, like get lost asap. thing is ya’ol try to understand ur partners and reach an agreement. I am nocturnal, so I can text with undivided attention all night, so it all depends on the guy. some may look like the snub, but if u get to know them, they are just very pretty souls.

  9. Terra
    November 08, 15:16 Reply

    Some people (such as myself) hate texting. As such, we may take a long time to respond to basically all texts. It caused a bit of friction between myself and the significant other initially, but he understands now that if I’m not texting back immediately, it’s usually because I’m at work…or in the middle of a dragon slaying in skyrim

  10. .•*Sugaar.•*
    November 08, 15:43 Reply

    Honestly nothing kills more than seeing someone you know even fucked several times not responding to your messages. Especially while they’re still online. Or, your messages shows READ but you still there waiting for reply. My brother, just try to clear that chart and pretend the person never existed… You’ll get so much air to breath than waiting furiously with your heart beating like to break a bottle and stab somebody… One of my Príncipe is ” FORGET THOSE THAT FORGET YOU”. If you have principles nothing will be bothering you a lot . ..

  11. Ivory Child
    November 09, 09:07 Reply

    For the first time in KD history Too Clean didn’t comment ?

  12. Francis
    November 10, 20:09 Reply

    I am more of a text message person than calls. I’m rarely in the mood for phone calls as they put me on edge unless I’m expecting some important news or feedback or gossip *covers face*

    In certain situations me dodging your sms/calls might be me trying hard not to catch feelings by acting aloof

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