There Is A Gay Agenda

There Is A Gay Agenda

I am tired of lying and saying that there is no gay agenda. It’s time to fess up.

Hey, homophobes, y’all were right. There really is an agenda. In fact, we gather and renew our commitment to the agenda twice a month at our bimonthly, snowflake, liberal, globalist, Antichrist meetings. So cookies to you for knowing it all this while!

You know all those emotional posts about letting men and women love who they want to love? All those snowflake, progressive, politically-correct epistles about letting people hold who they want to hold, letting them fall asleep next to the loves of their lives without worrying that the door will be kicked open and oppressors will be shouting and some small-dicked perverts will be kicking them in the face?

That’s all bullshit! Those are just camouflage for our real agenda.

As soon as Nigeria decides to extend human status to the LGBT, we will come after you.


And topping the agenda’s list is the Sexual Objectification of Straight Men.

Oh my God! We want to objectify you just like you objectify women. As soon as the government decriminalizes homosexuality and makes it illegal to discriminate against us, the next thing you know, we’ll start whistling at you. We’ll shout compliments at you from across the street – and not decent compliments like “nice hair” or “cool shoes”. Pfft!

There’s actually a list of acceptable compliments such as: “nice ass” and “hey sexy, you’re doing shakara for me, abi?” and “how much does your haircut cost? Baby, come on! You know I’ve got the dough. Straight guys and their pretending sef… Mtcheeeew!”

It’s all a leftist conspiracy. In fact, we’ll even hold your arm in the marketplace and ask you why you’re not smiling. “Come on dude. Why so serious? God gave you a pretty face. Show some teeth.”

We also intend to take pointers from you straight men and get seriously offended when people criticise such actions of ours. We’ll say things like, “It’s now illegal to compliment you guys, abi? Nawa o.”

And that’s only number one.

Second agenda is to start Spreading Lies that Heterosexuality is Unnatural. If you say things like, “but it’s literally exhibited by other animal species. What the fuck!”, we’ll rebut with, “Let’s agree to disagree.”

Yes, you read that right. Very soon, you will have to deal with people making pseudo-intellectual claims about your sexual orientation. With one mouth, we’ll tell you you’re disgusting and with the other, we’ll say we hate it when straight people can’t just discuss this subject without insulting us.

I’m not joking. I regularly attend the meetings and I know all the details. We’ll tell you that personally, we find your “lifestyle” disgusting, and we can’t stand people like you, and then we’ll end with “let’s agree to disagree.”

Yes, prepare to agree to disagree on your own life. Prepare to listen to people go on and on about what they think of your life and pretend to certainly give a fuck.

And if you have the guts to disagree, prepare to do so without being confrontational. After all, this agenda includes telling you that you should be ashamed of yourself because the way you are is not the way our man-made culture wants you to be. Lol. You guys should really be afraid. This is some Armageddon shit.

Third on the agenda is to Turn ALL the Babies Gay. There is currently about 2.71 trillion tonnes of gay dust stacked in secret locations and paid for by Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and Bill Gates. The plan is to go global and sprinkle gay dust on all the babies.

Never mind all the scientific research saying that you cannot actually change someone’s sexual orientation. Who cares about science? It’s not even cool anymore ever since it was hijacked by politically-correct snowflake progressives (read “us”) – apart from the part that cures diseases and fosters technological advancement, that is.

Once the fairy dust comes in contact with your baby, their sexual orientation will change.

And if that doesn’t work, your baby will be subjected to religious rituals aimed at convincing them that they are sinful. This ritual will be protected under freedom of religion. It will include telling the child to admit that they are sin, to admit that they are broken, that they need to be saved. It will include convincing these children that they are so unacceptable that they need an invisible, all-powerful dude to change who they are.

If this doesn’t work, we will borrow a page out of that fundamentalist, straight-as-an-arrow book and force these children to go through emotional abuse at camps which medical organizations have deemed ineffective, risky and harmful because it may exploit guilt and anxiety, thereby damaging self-esteem and leading to depression and even suicide. We wouldn’t even bother to change the name; we’ll still call it “conversion therapy”.

The last – but not the least – agenda I’ll mention is that We Will Also Not Understand Consent, thanks to all the coaching from straight men.

For instance, do you need consent to smack a guy’s ass if he’s dancing right next to you and shaking his baby-maker in your face? Not according to the gay agenda, you don’t.

The logic is quite simple: if you don’t want to be felt up, why wear tight jeans? Why wear a shirt that’s hugging your body? Why are you tempting us?

If you don’t want to be rocked at a party, why are you dancing in the first place? Why are you even there? And why are you rocking your ass like a bitch in heat?

Why are you giving off green lights everywhere, eh?

So straight men, get ready to get pressed and grinded by another man who you specifically told to fuck off.

Oh, this world is upon us. This gay agenda is coming to fruition soon. And guess what, if you see anything wrong with any of the above, you’ll be the whiny liberal. Yes! Too bad if you’re the type of person to get triggered by men yelling sexually explicit compliments at you. That world will not be a safe space, you softy.

Too bad if you’re the type of person that won’t tolerate someone else’s opinion of yourself, if the opinion is that you are a disgusting unnatural abomination, and scorn of the earth.

Too bad if you don’t like people telling you that you’re sick even when what you have is a variation and not a disease.

In this new world, such civilities will be called political correctness (yes, we’re appropriating that too), and we will tell you we are tired of all the political correctness.

So, good luck keeping up a smile and being polite as society screws you over because you can’t be too angry or too frustrated or too combative. You can’t be getting triggered upandan.

Written by Kayode

Previous HIV stigma is summed up in one cruel Grindr message

About author

You might also like

Our Stories 34 Comments

The Battle That’s Already Been Won (Part 2)

Previously on THE BATTLE THAT’S ALREADY BEEN WON… * CDS meeting was a bore as usual and I found myself getting more and restless as I struggled to pay attention

Our Stories 49 Comments

The Brother I Lost

Kito Diaries has been seen by someone who doesn’t bat for our team, guys. And this brother has something to say. Yes, you’re about to read KD’s first write-up written

Our Stories 20 Comments


We met on Grindr. It was one of those once-in-a-lifetime connections you make with a stranger, where everything just clicks. It was obvious right from the start that we had


  1. Mandy
    April 04, 06:57 Reply

    ????? I actually read this with this picture of a post Apocalyptic era in my mind, where the script has been flipped, and gays ruled while heteros became the minority. What a world that would be.

  2. Bloom
    April 04, 12:27 Reply

    I love!

    Although, You make it seem like it’s only the male heterosexual homophobes that you’re after.
    Haven’t you met those skin deep female homophobes? In my opinion, they’re even worse than their male counterparts. They need to be thought lessons too.

  3. Malik
    April 04, 19:12 Reply

    ???? It shall come to pass!!

    • Bee
      April 06, 22:28 Reply

      I’ll contribute a thundering amen! ?

Leave a Reply