Woman Seduces Gay Best Friend, Now Wonders If He’s Still Gay

Woman Seduces Gay Best Friend, Now Wonders If He’s Still Gay

A young woman slept with her gay best friend. Now she says she’s in love with him and wonders if maybe she can turn him straight. So she’s seeking counsel from advice columnist Dear Prudence.

“I had a really big crush on this guy back in eighth grade,” the woman’s letter begins. “He told me he was gay, and we’ve been best friends ever since. My parents know he’s gay, so we don’t have to follow rules I would normally have to follow if I had a guy over.”

The woman says she and her GBF recently started messing around with one another.

“Recently he has started kissing me, and he feels me up sometimes too,” she explains. “I asked him what was going on, and he said he was just curious. I thought it was weird that he would be curious about what a girl felt like if he was attracted to guys, but I didn’t say anything else.”

After a few heavy petting sessions, the two had sex. Now she wonders if maybe he’s not gay anymore.

“I asked him if this meant he wasn’t really gay, and he said ‘No,’ that he was still just curious, that it felt good but he was still only attracted to guys,” she says. “I feel he may not really be gay at all because I look nothing like a guy, and he had to have been attracted to me in order to do it, right?”

She continues: “I don’t know what to do. I love him, and he says that he loves me too but just wants to stay friends but that he also would like to have sex again. I would like to do that again and again and again, but it’s because I love him so much.”

“What makes someone gay?” she wonders. “And can you be gay but still have sex with someone who is not gay? I am really confused right now.”

In her response, Prudence wastes no time bringing the young woman back down to reality.

“I think his being gay is a red herring,” she says. “What’s more important is that he’s made it clear that while he’d like to have sex with you again, he’s not interested in dating you or reciprocating your romantic feelings.”

“Whatever his sexuality ends up being,” the tough love continues, “it sounds like he’s more interested in treating you like a fun experiment than someone whose feelings he’ll take into consideration before doing whatever he feels like doing.”

Prudence’s final piece of advice: “Tell him … exactly how you feel about him and that you don’t want to be something he explores out of curiosity. The worst thing you could do right now is hide your feelings, continue to sleep with him, and hope that something magically changes and he suddenly starts to love you in the way you want to be loved.”

What do you think? Do you agree with Prudence’s advice? Sound off in the comments section below.

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  1. bruno
    May 20, 07:10 Reply

    guess this is the kind of discussions they have at the association of mgm wives weekly meetings. ??.

    i’m confused about gay men who regularly dive into vaginas, actually like it and keep identifying as gay. shouldn’t that mean they are at least bi?

  2. Rapum
    May 20, 07:15 Reply

    Prudence said it all. If he wants to continue his experiment, he should go find someone else.

  3. ambivalentone
    May 20, 07:36 Reply

    Eight grade is like our JS 2 right? Ok, how recently has this sex thing being going on? Months later? Years later? He really shud stop being a jerk and find someone else to ‘experiment’ with and she shud stop being too much of a Nigerian woman to be his doormat jare.

  4. Django
    May 20, 08:21 Reply

    Where in the write-up did she seduce the dude in question? Can someone help me locate the actual line where she seduced him so as to justify the misleading and misogynistic title of this post?

    Hey, there’s misogyny and chauvinism everywhere, worst of all, among gay men, just pointing it out lest some less-than-inferior, top-of-the-food-chain, excessively masculine gay men, come in here to say shit about women even after reading the misleading title and for all purpose and intent, very annoying patriarchal post from the writer’s POV, who fuels his ego by fashioning out contemptuous topic to gain votes from his very-masculine-gay-readers, which apparently puts food on his table.

    *rolls eyes to he next interesting topic*

    • Peak
      May 20, 08:35 Reply

      Damn babe! Slow down.

      How have you been? You have been missed around this part of town.

    • Keredim
      May 20, 09:13 Reply

      Django has a valid point!!

      Misleading titles like this, does little to enhance journalistic integrity.????

    • ambivalentone
      May 20, 11:55 Reply

      Jeez!!! I had to take cover with all that fire breathing. Take deep calming breaths sweet chile.

    • Pink Panther
      May 20, 23:25 Reply

      Hello Django. The woman who rises to spit fire and brimstone only when there’s misogyny, whether real or imagined.

      • Max 10
        May 21, 00:20 Reply

        She reminds me of Freida in Empire… I fucking hate that Bitch.

  5. Peak
    May 20, 09:24 Reply

    Ok, I think we need to visit this sexuality business cos it just too cumbersome and has way too many complexity, especially when this bisexuality business is being brought up. I don’t have a doubt that such a concept exist, but it’s just…*sigh*

    PP, I’d appreciate it, if more light could be shed on issues surrounding bisexuality (more bisexuality related posts). I think that is one area that has not been thoroughly trashed out. Maybe it’s so because the concept is marred with “confusion” notion held by a lot of people. A lot of out celebrities usually say they don’t want a label or want 2 be placed in a category or a box (which I something I agree with). The problem is that we live in a world where people do not take to “inbetweens” (just ask guys who identify as verse). I have met men who swear down that they are Bi, but can’t take a break from the endless arrays of “D” they stay chasing but one GF.
    So I’d really like to get educated. My mental health is riding on it dakun.

    • keredim
      May 20, 10:06 Reply

      Dude, it will only descend into chaos. A bloodbath…..

      You have been around long enough to see the adverse effect the mere mention of the acronym “MGM” has on certain quarters.

      Lets not even go there.

      • Peak
        May 20, 10:38 Reply

        Lol. On a serious note Keredim, are you advocating for a tweak in our educational syllabus, just to make “certain quarters” on the blog comfortable? The biggest challenge the LGBT community is facing in this part of the globe, is qualitative education on LGBT matters, readily and easily access to educational materials, wild spread of baseless myths about LGBT, just to mention a few. I think that is where KD comes in. Not just as medium to exchange views and get educated, but a platform to drive conversations on LGBT issues and gain insight on our individual views on matters , which invariably helps shape collective cognition no matter how little.
        You urself have said so many times, that the bloodbath is a clear representation of who we are and where we are as a community, so why you come begin dread am all of a sudden?

        • keredim
          May 20, 11:34 Reply

          What “qualitative LGBT matters” exactly? How a white “D” celebrity, wants to be sexually ambiguous so that they can remain marketable?

          Peak, I am not dreading the issue. I am all for Bloodbaths when they are not about the same thing.
          Bisexual topics (both cerebral and non-cerebral) have been posted here numerous times and we always get distracted by name calling and the resultant chaos and you know this.
          And as a result, like I said last Wednesday (on yet another bisexual post), anyone looking from the outside would think we can walk freely on the streets holding hands. Now THAT is the type of issue I think we should be discussing. Look at Kenya. At least they are going to court and challenging their own version of Anti-gay laws. Why can’t we do the same?

  6. Absalom
    May 20, 09:29 Reply

    I’m not sure what the issue is. Gay men have always experimented with women (just as straight men have experimented with gay men).

    And from the post: The girl and the boy are best friends and, due to their different sexualities, gender rules are discarded between them. I imagine that cuddling, sleeping on the same bed and even kisses are involved in their BFF-ship – you know how these oyibos can be! If, at some point, sexual feelings come in, it’s natural. It doesn’t have to mean anything deep or overhaul their sexual identities.

    The guy in question has no delusions about who he is based on the sex, and is clear on that. What remains is to get the girl to look beyond him to find the right man for her.

    The lines between platonic affection and romantic affection can sometimes be blurry and lead to curiosities like this.

  7. Terra
    May 20, 10:36 Reply

    Sounds to me like the end of the friendship is nigh. The lady shouldn’t have sex with the dude again. She has caught feelings, and from all indications, he has not. He may be bi-curious (the other kind no one talks about, coming from the side of straight.) But tbh dude seems kinda like a fuckboy to me. From what she says, he fired the first shot, and I’m willing to bet he’s picked up on the crush. So why kiss her and mess about with her brain?

    • Terra
      May 20, 10:37 Reply

      *coming from the side of gay

  8. Delle
    May 20, 12:29 Reply

    All these confusing tales. As I read this, I cast my mind back to the straight guys I’ve had one or two things with and I’ve come to this conclusion: You can’t be gay or claim to be gay and still be ‘curious’ as to what a woman feels like. The same way you can’t tell me you’re straight and still want to feel me up. It’s confusing things like this that gave rise to the numerous tags and labels we have presently. The guy is bisexual (or bicurious) and I’d have gone with his being gay had he halted whatever sexual feelings he had towards the girl after ‘experimenting’, but wanting to have a repeat of it and still call himself ‘gay?’…that’s bullshit.

    He’s not gay. But it doesn’t mean he is ready to identify or harness his straight side either. If I were the girl, I’d let go. Shit happens and it’s a pity she’s at the receiving end this time.

  9. Max 10
    May 20, 12:36 Reply

    Ndi Misogyny..

    I think all gay people are misogynistic because we don’t like big fat smelly vagina..

    and I guess its because of our glaring misogyny that a lot of us(gay people) marry to save our mothers from heart attack..


    • Pink Panther
      May 20, 23:23 Reply

      Not all gay men are misogynistic. Please stopeet with that generalization.

      • Max 10
        May 21, 00:19 Reply

        Apparently you don’t get my drift.

        • Mr. Fingers
          May 21, 09:13 Reply

          you people take sarcasm too far on this blog. There are some things we shouldnt joke about.

          • Mandy
            May 21, 09:24 Reply

            I was going to say the same thing. If this was sarcasm, it was in very poor taste.

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