Have you ever just decided to go out into the world that Lucifer created, just for you to find someone that God created who is SO FINE, you can’t help but LOOK?

And I’m not talking quick, little side-eyes. I mean, the kind of looku-looku that is simply begging the object of your desire to pick you, choose you, love you.

Well, on this beautiful Saturday afternoon, I was on my way out when I happened upon this mesmerizingly beautiful, dark-skinned brother. I’m talking, skin so blessed with melanin, it must have been what Beyoncé had in mind when she started working on Black Is King. This guy was average-height, chubby and hairy on top, packaged just the way I like my men. He also had a well-defined ass to die for, something that was very evident through the joggers he was wearing.

I couldn’t stop admiring this beautiful man as he crossed over to my side of the road presumably to buy eggs. As he walked past me, it was all I could do not to reach out and run a finger down the hairy chest that was partially revealed by the wife-beater he had on.

I wondered if he was queer, and if this was Gay Jesus showing me my future husband.

Even after I walked past him, I kept looking back, on some level hoping to catch him also looking back at me. Because you know if he did, I would have done a quick about-turn to walk over to him and get his number.

But sadly, he seemed solely interested in the eggs he was buying, while I eventually got into a keke and was off, losing sight of the love of my life.

#Sigh Surulere men are seriously fine sha.

However, the Universe wasn’t done teasing me.

On Sunday evening, I was on my way back with my sister from our aunt’s house. We were headed home. The keke driver stopped at a junction and the passenger who was seated on the other side of my sister (I was on her left) alighted. As the passenger was getting down, someone else was getting in.

It was my mystery beautiful man with the hairy chest and nice ass!

My heart stopped and I swallowed hard as I felt him climb into the keke, officially consuming the same oxygen as I was.

Hay God!

He was wearing a black tank top and black joggers. This man and joggers sha! He must have big dick energy that he wants to give lots of freedom to.

Even though he was seated on my side, I couldn’t stop stealing looks at him – which meant that I was frequently turning my head to the side to ogle this man. I was staring so much, my sister, at some point, jabbed at my side with her elbow. When I looked at her, she shot me a scowl. Then she rolled her eyes, a clear indication that she had noticed me staring and was exasperated by my lack of shame.

Her irritation didn’t deter me, but it made me more stealthy with my stares, because when the sister who doesn’t know you are gay catches you looking at man, that is just asking for trouble for your closet doors.

Eventually, we got to Kilo bus stop and he alighted, paid the keke driver and was off.

When we got down, my sister didn’t waste time to let me know how displeased she was by my staring.

“BJ, you like to stare a lot,” she chastised. “Why were you looking at that guy so much?”

I laughed it off, because what was I supposed to say? Sorry, sis, I was checking out my future husband?

I almost wanted to retrace my steps to find this mystery beautiful man with the hairy chest and nice ass to apologize to him.

And maybe ask him for his number.

Instead I am here, writing an open letter of my lust, saying:

Dear Beautiful Sir, if you are reading this, I want to first apologize for staring at you so shamelessly. If you noticed and were embarrassed, I am sorry. I just wanted to be your friend but wasn’t man enough to close the gap between us and tell you.

Written by BJ

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  1. Mandy
    October 02, 08:13 Reply

    😂😂😂😂😂😂 There are just some men that God put on this earth to test the homosexuality of other men. You, my dear, have undergone your own test and it doesn’t seem like you’re winning.

  2. Delle
    October 02, 09:45 Reply

    PP, is this you subtly concurring to our very frequent request for a matchmaking column?😏

    Also BJ, if you were indeed staring at him the way you did, chances are that even if he is queer, you scared him off with your insistent looking. Even I would alight at three bus stops before mine if someone refuses to channel their eyeballs in another direction (that and the fact that he may be a straggot or plain uninterested shaa).

  3. Bj
    October 02, 11:42 Reply

    @Delle I have learnt. I have this habit of staring at people I find attractive. Thanks PP for this.

    • Delle
      October 03, 11:29 Reply

      Just apply a bit of discretion to it. Moping nonstop can freak someone out.

  4. chubbylover
    October 03, 13:24 Reply

    Chubby guys are the best…..and when they are also hairy, case closed.
    Hopefully, you guys will connect soonest.
    Good luck man

  5. Chubby Lord
    October 04, 11:37 Reply

    Chubby is bae , we are chubby and proud , if you love chubby btms , hit me up.

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