Dynamics Of The Gaybourhood

Dynamics Of The Gaybourhood

Now there’s no question about the fact that gays love men. I personally think there are few things as beautiful to behold as a well-formed, chiseled male physique. Few things fascinate me like an erect dick, I mean, there’s so much you can do with it, and there are so many ways it can respond! I spent my teenage years getting to understand the moods and whims and caprices of a dick. Now about a decade later, I can comfortably say, I am extremely skilled at handling all types of cock: small, big, not-so-big and the intimidatingly enormous. Trust me when I say it, I’ve seen ‘em all. Umm, I like ass too, though to a lesser extent.

Now, the other day I was chatting with a friend who lives in Canada. He works for a large company which recently set up an LGBT employees association. According to the management, they realized that in order to enhance productivity, it was necessary for every employee to feel free and open about his- or herself. They realized that the preference for being in the closet put a huge strain on employees mentally and impacted productivity negatively, hence the LGBT initiative. According to my friend, it was quite a lavish launching event.

Anyway, at the event, my friend Ikenna (Iyke) got caught up in the moment and chose the event as his coming-out party. In summary, he walked to the podium, grabbed the mike and came out before his colleagues and bosses. According to him, it felt like a great and crushing weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He was afterwards met with a huge outpouring of support and encouragement and expectedly curious questions about what it was like being gay in Nigeria where he had been born and raised up till his University education when he moved to Canada.

After the partying and fanfare had died down, another colleague approached him and said, “Iyke, I always knew you were gay, you tried to hide deep in the closet, but I could still tell. Anyway, I’m glad you’re over that phase. Life is too short to be anything but yourself.”

“How could you tell?” Iyke questioned in consternation. “I’m not effeminate or flamboyant and I’ve never hit on anyone at work.”

“Well, it’s pretty easy. We work in a department where we have a lot of people from the outside world coming and going throughout the day. I noticed that whenever a beautiful woman walks in, all the other men would unconsciously perk up, sit up and take notice. It is like there’s this aura of attraction which women emit that only men can pick up. But I always noticed that this aura seemed to simply drift by you without you taking any notice. I mean, at the office, you barely even notice the ladies, they might as well be pieces of furniture. They simply don’t show up on your radar, if anything you seem to regard them as minor irritations…”

My chat with Iyke reminded me of a conversation I had with another friend a few weeks ago, he was of the opinion that there are two types of gay men – those who absolutely love women and are always in their company but NEVER in their pants, and then those who NEVER have anything but the barest minimum to do with women.

Speaking of such men-and-women dynamics, have you seen the series, Modern Family? There is this episode where the gay character, Mitchell Pritchett, and his partner, Cameron Tucker, talked about how gay men and lesbians are not wired to get along, despite the fact that they essentially are not after the same things. I watched that episode, and I caught myself agreeing.

I was once at this TB party and, as I love to dance with girls despite how much I like men, I spotted this shapely girl in a sexy white dress and sauntered up to her, gyrating and twirling my hips in the gusto of my dance with her. I had barely begun getting into the groove with her, when I was roughly shoved aside. I looked up in surprise to find this big macho butch lesbian in a lumberjack shirt staring menacingly down at me. She was bigger, taller and angrier; I have no doubt that she was ready to beat my ass all over the dance floor. Abeg, I scampered away (flipped my Peruvian hair in her face first!). Obviously she had taken extreme offence to my dancing with her babe. From the look she gave me, I was certain she hated me for being male regardless of the fact that I am gay.

And so, these are the dynamics of the gaybourhood that make me wonder sometimes. And make me wanna ask – do you really think lesbians and gay men cannot get along as one big, happy family? (I do so hope our lesbian readership will drop an answer or two here) And secondly, based on the two categories of homosexuals I earlier talked about, what kind of gay man are you?

Let’s have your answers, people…

Written by Khaleesi

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  1. Dennis Macauley
    September 10, 05:31 Reply

    I get along with lesbians! Quite a few of them are my friends so I don’t know. Also I always thought all gay men get along with women? In my experience many women are drawn to gay men and love hanging around them.
    When I was in the university, if you wanted to toast any beta babe you will most likely pass through me cos most of the happening babes were my friends.

    • king
      September 11, 03:40 Reply

      Same with me Dennis!! Hmmm.eyeing u with my side eye oooo

  2. Absalom
    September 10, 05:38 Reply

    Khaleesi, you again!

    I like the company of both sexes. In a roomful of women, I’m comfortable. In a roomful of men, I’m comfortable. It wasn’t always like this though, but I don’t want my comment to be too long.

    And I don’t know any lesbians. Sadly.

      • earl
        September 10, 07:54 Reply

        Neither do I… Sadly the third..

      • king
        September 11, 03:46 Reply

        Pinky you?????? Dats preposterous….tot u just chided us for not accepting dis is also a lesbian hood and yes they r gays tooo…..oh well so am i d only one???

        • pinkpanthertb
          September 11, 03:48 Reply

          What has me not knowing any lesbians to do with what I said about KD? *confused*

    • king
      September 11, 03:43 Reply

      Oh Absalom I feel for you….i met a lesbian on line once and boi was i taught a thing or two!! no 1 they loooooove boobs…just as much as we live dick and ass..no2 they are also very friendly and outgoing like us..well the one I met was sha…so…

  3. Chizzie
    September 10, 06:24 Reply

    I don’t understand this,it is nicely written,yes..but what exactly is the essence of this article? what is it trying to say? How to tell if someone is gay? attraction to girls? …what? At first I thought it was a public service announcement of the writer’s bottoming skills and then it veered to someone in Canada and dancing with a lesbian…wth?

    • Absalom
      September 10, 06:30 Reply

      OMG, I’m dead on this blog!

      • Dennis Macauley
        September 10, 06:56 Reply

        *pours more milk in my coffee*
        Has anyone seen Khaleesi? Anyone?

    • chestnut
      September 10, 06:59 Reply

      Chizzzziiiiiieeee ooooo! I’m hollering here! LMAO! “…public service announcement…”? *collapses*

    • earl
      September 10, 07:57 Reply

      Mayb u shld try reading it again…. Slowly this time. Then you’d PROBABLY get the essence of the article….. Take note of the probability of your understanding…

    • Lothario
      September 12, 08:08 Reply

      *face in hands* I’m not sure I want to see this bloodshed happen

  4. chestnut
    September 10, 07:05 Reply

    I hav a pal who genuinely HATES (for lack of a stronger word) all forms of women…as in,if a girl makes d mistake of siddling up to him for a dance on d dancefloor at d club, d kind of withering glare he would give her eh! It would only take God’s grace for him not to start spitting profusely at her,lol (oh and he hates heterosexuals too with a disturbing passion).
    I don’t know, maybe ppl ARE different sha,cos I definitely don’t hate women, I’m no tryna fuck ’em, but I don’t feel like tearing their hair out when I see them either.

    • Lothario
      September 12, 08:12 Reply

      People who are like that have probably had really terrible experiences with being teased, bullied and hated on for their sexuality. So before they allow anyone shit on them, they want to shit on you first….. He just needs to work on getting over what was done to him, it’s not easy!

  5. Aproko Pikin
    September 10, 07:20 Reply

    Nice write up Khalessi….I for one i’m comfortable with both sexes tho I’d love to be friends with a lesbian; got none for now.

    Iyke’s workplace is just awesome! Something you can never get in present day Nigeria. Infact some stupid mofos in my office are trying to investigate me; I’m waiting on them fools to come confront me about it.

    BTW don’t even bother responding to that comment. This write-up is a very good public announcement. lol

  6. trystham
    September 10, 07:52 Reply

    My personal ppl relations with anybody are faulty n I won’t go out of my way to make friends after introductions but I don’t quite agree bout us not liking lesbians….well maybe those overly butch n buff sistaz. They scare, irritate me and remind me of those guys that teased me growing up. I also get jealous n resent them cos they are all what sociey wanted me to be but I couldn’t.

  7. SimonAndal
    September 10, 07:54 Reply

    I only have 3 female friends (online, not physical). At school the only female I talk to is the girlfriend of my best friend. Dazall

  8. #TeamKizito
    September 10, 08:08 Reply

    Hmmm. I’m the kind who absolutely loves women and I’m always in their company but NEVER in their pants. I’ve never encountered a lesbian in my whole life. What are they like?

  9. Micky
    September 10, 08:38 Reply

    Oh.. Am definitely the type who prefers the company of ladies to straight guys and sometimes yes! I get in their pants. My straight friends makes me very uncomfortable. They expect me to jump at every girl I see just like they do. They even go as far as setting me up with girls so we can all laugh about the sex we had. So gross! I know some lesbians. Some are really cool but those ones that believes they are men and would pick up a bottle at the slightest provocation, I just can’t deal with those lots.

    • Mr Bassey
      September 10, 12:28 Reply

      You and me both……exactly the comment I wrote that refused to update.

      • Micky
        September 10, 19:31 Reply

        Eyeneka.. Akpaniko kedi… Abasi Odiong fi…

  10. enKayced
    September 10, 09:55 Reply

    Public service announcement?
    Bottoming skills?
    Remind me, anyone, why I keep coming back to this blog? When a queen keeps dropping cheesy comments!
    Anyway, I roll with them chicks, have a bunch who drool over me cause of the nature of my job, I get into their pants when the spirit leads and would probably also do their boyfriends when the spirit permits.
    I’m bad like that!
    There is also this huge lesbian family here in Awka and I keep the hell away.
    Reason: they talk too much and see nothing wrong in outing gay guys to their male friends.

    • Legalkoboko
      September 11, 05:59 Reply

      enkayced, now that you’ve outed yourself here, telling us your location, I’d like to have a chat with you over a cupa.

      I too am in Awka.

      • enKayced
        September 11, 15:57 Reply

        Pinky could give you my number or email address… As the spirit directs!

  11. infamousdiaries
    September 10, 13:35 Reply

    In my experience I get along with lesbo’s(both Chapstick and Lipstick lesbians). They’re cool. Its kind of everywhere, but it had a message and sub-messages..

  12. king
    September 11, 04:06 Reply

    I have been so fortunate I can see now from different comments posted so far…reason coz I think ave met my share of them lesbian sisters. Ave met some one on one and even gone to parties organised for both of us queers….They are almost like us..some butch and gruesome and others girly and you couldn’t tell they loved gals…Ave even met some that just don’t like to wear girl clothes only guy ones whatever u say to her!!!…just like some dudes who r truly girly and love girl things….they are lovely to befriend and are just as interesting and exciting as the next lively gay guy!!!!

    • king
      September 11, 04:08 Reply

      Eh hello lesbians….in da Hasiende….pls say suntin na!!!! tell us about U and how you feel and all biko!!

      • pinkpanthertb
        September 11, 04:09 Reply

        LOL! You people have made the Hasiende too much of a male dominated place for them, I suppose.

  13. king
    September 11, 08:53 Reply

    Eh…can you blame us???? we loooooooove our company only too much maybe!!!

  14. Lothario
    September 12, 08:18 Reply

    The major problem with Nigerian lesbians, I’ve noticed that they’re not big on socialising withgay guys…..I know we can be a bit of a handful, but come on, we can party together. Have a few lesbian friends that I adore, I guess they have their own identity crises to deal with like we do. Bottom line! I’ve got huge love for them….

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