Eez Positive I Positive! I No Kill Person! (Episode 5)

Eez Positive I Positive! I No Kill Person! (Episode 5)

This kovik-wan-nine lockdown did bring a few good things to my life. I don’t have a job, true. But I wasn’t getting stressed by Mother physically. Madam travelled to Lagos and lockdown caught her there. For that, I shall be eternally grateful to Our Lord and Saviour, Beyoncé. May She reign and be praised forevermore. Beymen!

Being home alone had its perks. I could now walk around the house completely naked, only wearing clothes if I had to step out of the house. I could lie on my bed and think about everything and anything. And I could go out and visit people if I wanted to.

Unfortunately, shit happened in April and I lost my phone and laptop. (Story for another day, maybe.) It became imperative that I step out of my hole more regularly than I’d have preferred, before I lost my mind. I settled on a friend in school, Pie-Pie. Bobo had refused to go home, choosing to stay in his apartment within campus. His house became my new hideout. Once my head started getting too fuzzy with the demons from my traumatic past, I ran off to his place for a few days to cool the spirits down.

He had a friend staying with him there: Ifuchi. At first glance, Ifuchi was just a nondescript lad who stayed in the house. Upon closer examination, I found him to be a really smart, funny and driven individual. I liked having conversations with him. His intelligence made it really easy for us to flow.

I honestly didn’t plan for anything to happen between us. But, I soon found out that he was fast becoming the reason why I went to Pie-Pie’s place, and that I looked forward to seeing him a lot more than I looked forward to seeing my friend. It was disconcerting. And terrible! I decided, like I always do, to completely ignore what I was feeling, knowing that ignoring it would kill it.

How little I knew.

Pie-Pie’s birthday happened upon us and I decided to go spend the day with him, rather than stay alone at home and content myself with music from the radio. I got dressed in my usual street clothes (I no dey find man plis), and hurried over to his place. He wasn’t in the house, but Ifuchi was. Apparently, Pie-Pie had gone out to get a few things for his birthday celebration. Ifuchi was welcoming and, before long, we were having a discussion about the intersection of race politics and the movie industry. It was during this discussion that I realised my feelings for him hadn’t gone anywhere. If anything, ignoring them had made them stronger.

The more we talked, the more I felt them. Till out of the blue, I asked him to kiss me. He had a smirk on his face, and then he leaned forward and claimed my lips. I couldn’t help but get lost in the sensuousness of his lips. The boy could kiss abeg! Bobo did crazy things to my mouth that I didn’t think were possible. Too soon, we had to stop kissing because Pie-Pie was back.

But we didn’t stop totally. At some point when we were alone in the room, bobo grabbed me and started kissing me. Next thing I knew, I had my back against the wall as he plundered my mouth. Two seconds later, bobo had lifted me up and was grinding a hot boner against my crotch, his tongue sweeping through my mouth. Sweet Mary, mother of Jesus, Joseph and Abraham! I was in heaven.

Then he put me down and went to get something from the fridge.

We went at it so many times that day. In the room when no one was there, in the bathroom, in front of the door, on the stairs… Everywhere! I was already screaming, “FUCK ME! PLEASE, FUCK ME!” in my head.

By 11 PM, I couldn’t take it anymore. I asked him to fuck me.

And, surprise, surprise, in a house where two gay boys lived, THERE WAS NO FUCKING CONDOM!

Ah! I wanted to die. I wanted to run mad. I wanted to swear for somebody to suffer for 600 years!

I thought I knew pain. I had no idea what was coming next. Next thing I knew, whether in an attempt to take my mind off things or something else, Bobo suddenly went from wanting to be all up in my coochie to asking me about my health and if I was adhering to my medications and what my viral load was. I mean, such a swift shift from sexual passion to my health! Just because of this nonsense virus!

I swear, I’m shedding hot tears right now!

Plis dears, don’t coman goan be using me to play laidis. If I wanna hook up, eez hook up I wanna hook up. Don’t shift from hook up and sex matter to asking about how I is coping with my drugs.

Plis, eez positive I positive, I dinnor kill person.

Written by Mitch

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“Konji na ba… Konji na ba… Konji na bastard!” Dremo must have been in my shoes when he sang that song, because damn! It’d been just a few days past


    • Mitch
      September 19, 16:36 Reply

      Pink Panther, bring my baby his trophy.

  1. Mandy
    September 19, 10:24 Reply

    😂😂😂😂😂 This has the hand of Satan in it, ho-ha! Beyoncé did not assist in the creation of this world for you to suffer this kind of temptation without the hand of the Devil in it.

    • Mitch
      September 19, 16:38 Reply

      My dear, the hands of Satan and Taylor Swift were truly in this matter. Ah!!!


      • Pink Panther
        September 19, 19:37 Reply

        …and Taylor Swift.

        LMAO! Don’t let the Swifties come for you o.

  2. Malik
    September 19, 13:25 Reply

    Haha. Interesting read. If there was no plan to use condoms, he had to ask. Politely, of course.

    • Mitch
      September 19, 16:41 Reply

      The sex was already not going to happen na. I’m not doing bareback with anybody again, plis. So there was no need for this painful switch-up😭😭

  3. Delle
    September 19, 16:36 Reply

    You that won’t contain the volatility of your prostitution doesn’t know the first rule of Harlotry!? NEVER BE WITHOUT A CONDOM!

    *unlooks from your world of deserved pain*

    • Mitch
      September 19, 16:42 Reply

      See, I go comot ya teeth jus now🙄

      Respect yasef and allow me to grieve in peace. Before I pour pepper insai ya eyes😒

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