How To Be Better At Topping

How To Be Better At Topping

Originally published on

For formality’s’ sake, a top is the partner doing the penetration during anal sex – this label is limited explicitly to sexual roles and says nothing about perceived masculinity or dominance in bed. Gay men usually seek to define their sexual role with labels like top, bottom and versatile to indicate their inclinations when it comes to penetration. With that out the way, here are some tips on becoming better at topping.

Relax and Arouse your partner

There’s a lot more to sex then just putting your penis in and humping until the point of orgasm, there’s a certain finesse that comes with being a good top. The first priority should always be getting your partner aroused and relaxed enough to enjoy sex. Pay attention to his body language, if your partner is nervous and tense, the overall experience might be less than rewarding. Stay above the belt and consider kissing and lighting touching or licking erogenous zones on his body.

Stimulating the neck sends signals to the circulatory system stimulating blood flow and excitement, so try lightly kissing and stroking the nape of the neck, the back of the neck or the ears. The most popular zone for most men is the chest, particularly – the nipples. However, some men might have ultra sensitive nipples while others might not enjoy having their nipples played with, go slow and listen to his body, and if you don’t know his opinion on nipple play, ask him.

Go below the belt

The sensitive soft skin of the scrotum is packed with nerve endings, holding, cupping and gently rubbing the scrotum can be a very sensual experience for most men. The inner thighs are another gold mine, but this region can take more pressure – some massaging, nail tracing or kissing can get your partner’s leg giving way.

Non-penetrative anal play, such as rimming, is enjoyed by some men, but talk to your partner before and ensure that necessary preparations have been taken to clean the area. Rimming is the stimulation of the anus with the mouth and tongue; the practice poses a low risk for HIV transmission but still requires protection with a dental dam to prevent the spread of bacterial infections. Doggie Style is one of the best positions for rimming, with the anus being more accessible. Begin by gently kissing and fondling the area around the anus including the perineum (that area of skin between the genitals and the anus). Work your way in to the anus by circling your tongue around the outer area. You can suck and nibble the anus directly before going in to insert your tongue into the outer section of the anus.

Take it easy when you’re ready to start, the worst thing you can do is just jam it in. Ensure your penis as well as your partner’s anus is properly lubricated, stick to water-based lubricants which are safe for condoms – and no, lotion or Vaseline is not a safe alternative. If your partner is interested in being fingered, this is a good way to prepare the anus for entry, just ensure that your nails are short and clean.

To start, slowly slide your penis in and let the bottom control the initial experience. Listen to his body and let him guide your penis in deeper. Slow passionate grinding is much more practical than the drastic in-and-out stabs porn stars portray (most while under the influence of TONS of drugs and numbing creams).

Vary the speed and tempo, and switch up positions once your partner warms up to your penis. The most comfortable positions for bottoms is on their stomach – the underrated missionary position. But move around and see what works best in pleasuring your bottom. For those more well endowed, balls deep is again much more appealing in hardcore porn than in real life application. When it’s time for climax, don’t be selfish, make your partner enjoy an orgasm too. Try giving him a hand-job or touch and kiss his body while he masturbates if he takes a bit longer than you to come.

Most importantly

Play safe. Everybody is responsible for their own health as well as their partner’s when the decision is made to come together as one in artful coitus. Always negotiate safer sex practices and get tested regularly, at least twice a year.

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A fucking gay-me We’ve heard it a million times. It’s the very first line spoken in the series “Queer as Folk”. It’s all about sex! Gays can’t keep their dicks


  1. Constant
    October 29, 04:15 Reply

    Nyc write up.. Thanks Pinky for reminding me of what i regularly do. *gives pinky a firm HANDSHAKE*

  2. Dennis Macauley
    October 29, 04:19 Reply

    Cake thirsty tops! Where are they? Come and read and be blessed

  3. Dennis Macauley
    October 29, 04:23 Reply

    Which is why bottoms should clean up! If you want to be rimmed, atleast keep it nice and clean

    • Max
      October 29, 05:13 Reply

      This “cleaning up” issue should be discussed…don’t you think…

  4. daniel
    October 29, 04:42 Reply

    How do u deal with bottoms that just need to be hit ASAP, they seldom want those foreplays

    How to be better at bottoming coming right?

    • pinkpanthertb
      October 29, 04:44 Reply

      And if I may, are there really any bottoms that want it fast and over with? Any bottoms that don’t dig even a little bit of foreplay?

      • Dennis Macauley
        October 29, 04:51 Reply

        My dear you never see anything!

        Plenty bottoms like that! PLENTY

        • pinkpanthertb
          October 29, 04:57 Reply

          Hmmm, me I don’t subscribe to that o, no matter how much limited time we might have for sex. Even with quickies, momma needs her some stimulation. 🙂

      • Lothario
        October 29, 05:43 Reply

        Oh trust me! Some bottoms love the ‘wham-bam-thank you sir’ kind of sex

      • king
        October 29, 06:30 Reply

        Pinky Darl oh YES! Definitely there are……to surmise in few words!

      • Brian Collins
        October 29, 12:47 Reply

        Dennis are there any buildings left where you live. Miley is such a learner at wrecking stuff.

  5. enigmous
    October 29, 04:46 Reply

    *sprinkles holy water* calls Terry Jeezus to bring his bell and white garment for some deliverance sessions. Pinkie darl, thank you again

  6. simba
    October 29, 05:41 Reply

    The cleaning part is very important, but not always possible. Some just come back from work and wanna hit.. some early morning too b4 leaving the bed.. so if u see, some dolies,while smashing, imagine it as lub lol.. choi nasty

    • chestnut
      October 29, 06:16 Reply

      Um, what’s “dolies” biko? (Do I really wanna know d answer to that?… Oh God,why did I even ask this question?)

      • pinkpanthertb
        October 29, 06:17 Reply

        And that is how Amebo led chestnut…er, sorry, tortoise to his doom.

      • chestnut
        October 29, 06:27 Reply

        @pinky…lol. U know I can’t here something like dis and pretend I didn’t hear it…hehehe! (Dis my tatafo wee put me on a long tin one day!)

        • pinkpanthertb
          October 29, 06:29 Reply

          On a long thing, eh?


          *blowing daintily on the steam coming from my tea*

    • chestnut
      October 29, 06:24 Reply

      But I thought everyone takes a shower right b4 and right after having sex,no? Or is dat just me? That’s actually d only way I can really enjoy sex and “give” my best…because my tongue likes to go places…#OkBye

      • Absalom
        October 29, 07:23 Reply

        I’m SURE your tongue likes to go places e.g.Pole-and!

      • Brian Collins
        October 29, 12:34 Reply

        The problem many bottoms have is that they don’t have the right instrument to clean up with. Personally is always say every power bottom should get Enema, tops that like to feast on strawberry tarts will always like to go down there cos you will be clean. For those who think they don’t know what it is, it is like the dropper used in sec. school chemistry for indicators, only bigger. It works like magic

        • king
          October 29, 15:26 Reply

          @brian biko which one be “enema” again oooo…..does it make the cake any sweeter truly????

  7. Lothario
    October 29, 05:46 Reply

    The problem with rimming is the cleanliness factor. Some bottoms don’t even bother to keep down there very nice and clean….it’s annoying!

    I enjoy rimming, but the minute I spread open the cakes and get a rancid smell….I’m out!!!

    But great write-up!

    • Max
      October 29, 05:54 Reply

      Puhuahuahuahuahua..can totally relate..

  8. Samaurai
    October 29, 06:20 Reply

    A bottom should always be ready and prepared for sex.
    Cleaning up is not just something that happens immediately before the sex. It’s got to start a long way before you get to that point.

  9. #TeamKizito
    October 29, 06:31 Reply

    Hmm. Hm, Wednesday morning lecture. Topic for another day: how to bake cakes. Hmm.

  10. king
    October 29, 06:42 Reply

    Hmnm this write-up spells of the ideal situation however there has been occasions where the bottoms’ REQUEST is to be hit HARD and FAST!

    Now of course there are some who also don’t ever want the sex romp TO END (in fact ave been in a room where they were going for almost 45 mins) and I was aghast that even after they had finished the round….the well spent and lavished bottom asked for another one only after resting for just 10 mins…..

    ah af sed Tu mush again ooooo! Ha!

    • Peak
      October 29, 07:10 Reply

      Someone is clearly begging 4 another round of bashing 2day!!! Niggas stop whoring for attention!
      Oh! Did I forget to say good morning y’all

  11. Absalom
    October 29, 07:34 Reply

    Uh, Pinky, aren’t there more interesting sex-tip articles on the internet than this…nursery rhyme? You should have just asked me! 😛

  12. xpressivejboy
    October 29, 07:54 Reply

    Bottoms should make it a part of them to clean-up @ pre and post sexperience. I’ve cultivated that as a great part of me…; and did I state that it even gives me more confident as a bottom when I’m sure clean?
    I love amazing foreplays a lot (both giving and given to moi)…the whole session has to be long enough to satiate my inner desire of the dude(s) with me; even with subsequent rounds and sessions.


  13. JustJames
    October 29, 08:23 Reply

    Key to good sex? Awesome communication between partners… Not necessarily words. Moans.. Guiding of the hands.. Stuff like that.

    • king
      October 29, 08:28 Reply

      My lovely James r u??? Coz you seem to give lovely MATURE sayings ooooo! Wow!

  14. Eros
    October 29, 09:08 Reply

    This is one of the reasons I have never had penetrative sex. Most tops I’ve met are just interested in bang-and-leave session, always expecting me to do all the foreplay and shii and that really scares me so I just run. Tops that have ears let them hear ooooo!!!

    • king
      October 29, 15:23 Reply

      Just did! Eros luv do u per any chance live near d FCT????

  15. Khaleesi
    October 29, 09:41 Reply

    Amen!!! To all this! One of my lil sayings is ‘if you rim me you own me & can pretty much do with me as you wish’ … for the hygienically challenged bottoms, ‘bitches what the hell are u thinking! !” ..
    I once ran into this top, he simply stripped and was like ‘turn over’ … he went on ‘I dont kiss or rim or suck, I just fuck’
    My response #BBMSARCASTICFACE# ‘ok, the bathroom is over there, there’s lots of soap and running water, please don’t make a mess and when you’re done, the door is to your right – GET OUT!!’

    • Absalom
      October 29, 09:56 Reply

      Different strokes, Khaleesi, different strokes for different holes! Why so serious? 😛

    • JustJames
      October 29, 10:57 Reply

      I’m chilling for the day someone will try that nonsense with me… If I will not chase him out with only his boxers on.

    • Brian Collins
      October 29, 12:43 Reply

      Gurl show that bitch to the door. Met some hunky guy long time ago and bitch told me same, i don’t kiss or suck, i don’t consider it manly (but he wanna fuck a man) but you can suck me ‘sha’ then we fuck, i politely declined.

    • pinkpanthertb
      October 29, 14:33 Reply

      Hahahahahahahaa oh Khaleesi. You don told him like it should be. Nonsense and condiments.

      • Khaleesi
        October 29, 15:55 Reply

        Yelz gurl!! ***high5 in the air gurl***

  16. Brian Collins
    October 29, 12:53 Reply

    Lemme say that many tops are no better at cleanliness. You go down on a guy and his boxers are smelly and his dick tastes of dried piss and you wanna lick his balls and they smell like they’ve been toasted in sweat and poop shavings. Real nasty. How can i want to deep throat that. There is no greater turn off for me.
    I like to suck, lick balls and rim my tops so i like to take them for a shower to get them ready and course get a little action in the bathroom. So hot.

    • king
      October 29, 15:19 Reply

      Brian dear r u sure you’re not doing the nasty with our lovely “agberos” all over lagos…..hmmm na question I ask ooo

      • Brian Collins
        October 29, 16:16 Reply

        King dearie, it actually is a fantasy to get me some tout action. Wouldn’t mind an introduction, all i need to do is get me some scouring powder and iron sponge to take care of the rough edges, then soak him in a jasmine scented bubble bath for the finishing.
        # getting my tout clean

        • king
          October 29, 16:34 Reply

          If he wouldn’t scream “witch” then good for you luv!

  17. lluvmua
    October 29, 13:09 Reply

    Lol @ dennis! @ absalom re u in benin???? Plz reply asap lol

    • Absalom
      October 29, 13:46 Reply

      I’m not in Benin. I visit sometimes, though.

      • lluvmua
        October 29, 13:51 Reply

        Plz kindly send pinkie ur contacts or kindly ff me n twitter @andre_hayford #absalom thanks

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