K’osidim n’obi

I happened on Kito Diaries roughly a year and half ago. I was just eighteen, in the closet, and trying to focus on starting a career. I was in my first year in school, and was confused about my sexuality.

I won’t say I grew up in a strict family. No. On the contrary, mum and dad were pretty liberal. At a point, they stopped going to church entirely because they felt the messages were getting mixed, and they weren’t getting what they wanted. “I’d rather pray in my own home over a plate of eba and egusi soup and drench my sorrows in white wine,” my mother would joke. I was eleven at the time.

Well back to my discovery of KD, I had just met Zilayefa, and I happened to ask him one morning: What are you up to this morning?

Eating breakfast and going through Kito Diaries, he typed back.

Those were the words that changed my life for good. Before then, I’d never heard of Kito Diaries.

I looked up the blog and I came upon the posts of the day. After going through these updates, I shut the site down, not believing anything so “vulgar” could exist. I mean, I was a walking, talking, breathing sin. I was gay! We were all destined to burn in hell, weren’t we? Why brandish our sinful lives and stories before the world? I was filled with guilt at what I’d seen and read, and I vowed never to go through that vile blog again.

Toward evening, my fingers found their way back to my phone. I’d heard of single moments defining people’s lives, but I’d never believed it till then. I felt this strong confidence growing, this deep pride, this hope. It was like an instant crossover. I’d spent my life looking at the world through a screen; finally I could step out. I could breathe. I could unapologetically be ME!

I’ve never looked back since that day. I wanted to have a voice. I wanted to reach out, to peel the blindfold off, to scratch and bite till we were all free. The idea of this series has always been on my mind since then; I guess I just never felt ready enough.

My solution to every gay man seeking freedom has always been Kito Diaries, and the best part of it is that this ‘medication’ of mine usually works for them as it did for me.

Every one of you is a piece of work. Lol! But I’d like to say how much you all contribute to getting me where I am now. Especially my dear Zilayefa, you have been an awesome friend.

I have seen and had my own share of LGBT experiences. I was helped by the sharing of yours, every KDian, and hopefully I can help others by sharing mine. K’osidim n’obi is my opportunity to let it all out, to strip (figuratively).

My name is Kainene. I will be turning twenty in three months time. And I am a homosexual man.

YES! *swelling with pride*

Finally I have conquered the “homo” word. *giggles*

See y’all next week.