Something recently happened to me that I will like to share.

The story begins a year ago, when I got a new job. It was an entry level position, which was frankly beneath me, but which I took on because I had to work.

A couple of months later, I was promoted to a more suitable position, a remarkable lift up the office chain which I attributed to how well I did in my initial interview. That and the fact that the position I was promoted to was suddenly going to be vacant because of the previous occupier’s resignation. Opportunity meets merit.

However, this promotion didn’t sit well with most of my coworkers, especially those who I was now a superior to. Their gripe led to all this behind-my-back talk about how I got promoted because I was shagging either the general manager or the HR manager, both of who are women. (And this is really laughable, seeing as I’m the type of gay who absolutely can’t get it up for women.)

All this talk would often get back to me, and I tried not to be offended by it, because I firmly believed my merit got me to where I was. This also made me uncomfortable around the general manager, who I’d started working closely with and who was very kind and friendly toward me. At some point, I began to wonder, because of her friendliness, if she’d influenced my promotion as a tactic to get into my pants.

But I dispelled those thoughts as the months went by and she stayed professional in her working relationship with me. (As for the part of the rumour that involved the HR manager, I didn’t even pay it any mind, because apart from the occasional coworker complaint and salary negotiation, I had no real interaction with the woman.)

Anyway, now to the present: the months have passed, things have happened at work, I have been on his first leave and back, and COVID-19 is here. As a nonessential service, all but the top level execs at my workplace were asked not to come to work any longer just before the Lagos lockdown happened. Seeing as my place is in Ibafo, I decided to spend the lockdown with my friend at his place in Ikeja, and it was during one such late morning of rooming together that I got a phone call.

From the HR manager.

To come meet her at a nearby location, as she was en route to work.

Of course, I was apprehensive about this meeting, because so much time had passed since I was last at work, and so, I couldn’t think of one official reason why the HR would want to see me.

But I dressed up and left the house to go see her.

Some hours later, I would come back home, feeling like the world had gone upside down and struggling to find the words to tell my friend what happened during my meeting with the HR manager.

The first thing that should have alerted me to what was going to happen but which was too minor a detail was that the woman had parked her car in front of a hotel.

The second thing was that when I got into the car next to her, she began the small talk and pleasantries, which went on and won – a very unusual thing considering I didn’t have this kind of genial working relationship with her.

Anyway, after nearly an hour of gist, following an enquiry about how I was doing in these quarantine times, to which I jokingly said I was going broke, she dipped her hand inside her bag and handed over 10 grand to me.

I was predictably stunned. I was also reeling from the unexpected generosity –

Until she refused to let go of the money as my hand closed over the small wad of cash. She held on to it, and her fingers moved to caress my fingers.

It instantly became clear to me what was happening, and I began to feel panicked.

Eventually, she released the money, and then carried on talking, like nothing had happened. As my panic subsided, I began responding to the conversation, even thinking to myself that perhaps I’d imagined the line my superior had just crossed.

However, it quickly became clear to me that I hadn’t imagined it when she made another move. This time, while acting like she wanted to smoothen something from the leather of the chair upon which I was seated, she brushed her hand over the side of my face, a caress that moved lingeringly down to my shoulder.

It was all I could do not to jerk open the car door and bolt from the car, restraining myself instead to recoiling from her touch and looking away to the window. A few moments of awkwardness resulted from that, after which we somehow carried on with the conversation. Or rather, she continued to talk and I made the right noises while waiting desperately for her to dismiss me.

The third time she invaded my personal space was a lot more direct. She simply dropped her hand on my lap, a move that was so overt that I couldn’t not react. I jerked away from her touch and looked at her.

“Is everything alright, ma?” I blurted out, making sure to emphasize the word “ma”.

“Yes, everything’s fine,” she said, and then added, “I hope I’m not making you uncomfortable.”

Ya think?!

Instead of answering the question, I said, “I really have to get home. I was cleaning earlier when you called, and my aunt will be very upset with me if I am not back soon to finish what I was doing.”

And that was when she finally dismissed me, with an “I’ll call you later”. As I emerged from the car, even though the inside was air-conditioned and the outside was hot, the air outside never felt better as I breathed it in. And as I walked away from her, two things flashed through my mind. One: the question about what the real motivation behind my promotion was. Two: if the woman had planned to make use of the hotel in front of which she’d parked, if I’d been agreeable to her advances.

As I narrated this incident to my friend, he expressed two things to me. One: that I am lucky I’m not a woman and my boss a man, because he doubts a male boss would have employed the same restraint as my female boss in requiring a sexual favour in return for the 10 grand given to me. (Yes, I left that encounter with the money, in case you were wondering.)

And the second thing my friend said to me was that me resuming work was going to be a whole other thing – especially since the woman called me then to know if I’d gotten home okay.

And she has been calling me in the following days since that day to just randomly chat with me. Phone conversations to which I’m always calling her “ma, ma, ma” – a desperate and subtle attempt to remind her that I am her subordinate.

But I fear it’s not working, and I want to know what I should do when work starts.

Written by Bobmanuel

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  1. Ken
    May 05, 08:33 Reply

    Omg! This is very very tricky

    First thing make sure u adequately record every move she makes. Every conversation, text, gesture etc. Have a journal or diary if necessary and find someone u trust that u can confide in. All this will come in handy in case she decides to sack you for not agreeing to her advances…she’s HR so u really can’t run from her for long. Except u quit the job.

    Secondly if u have not been religious, now will be the best time to join mountain of fire with weekly daily services in Deeper life church. Or at least pretend you are celebate and extremely committed to God

    If that doesn’t work, tell her u can’t do anything with her bcos u have some transmittable medical condition or ur girlfriend/imaginary wife put the yoruba curse magun on u. If u screw her both of u will die.

    Head or tail, it’s not going to be easy. But prepare for the worst. Women are very vindictive and they hardly forgive.

    Wish u best of luck

    • Pink Panther
      May 05, 09:25 Reply

      “Secondly if u have not been religious, now will be the best time to join mountain of fire with weekly daily services in Deeper life church. Or at least pretend you are celibate and extremely commuted to God.”

      ?????????? iDied.

  2. Audrey
    May 05, 08:36 Reply

    What to do is quite easy but I’d tell you a story bout how I handled mine.

    During the end of last year I was designated with most persons on my team to be in charge of distributing hampers, I did so without hassles (So I thought) until I was summoned by the Management in January to face a panel. According to them one of our top clients said I came to his office and made passes at him and he was disgusted to the point he had to walk me out of his office(Of cos nothing of such ever happened) but I apologized and explained to them that it never happened.

    The fact that they withheld the identity of the said client kept me on edge so I proceeded to going to the head of my branch and had a heart to heart discussion with her. She later revealed the CRAZY client after I had faked a tear and asked that I go apologize in person to the said client probably he misunderstood my body movements.

    Days later I proceeded to see the said client and the moment I walked in dude requested that I closed the door. I got in,Sat down and stated why I came by but during the course of my speaking nigga stood up and came towards me trying to flirt. He told me he just wanted to get my attention and started going about how sexy I was(Dude is actually a drop dead gorgeous MGM) but because of the pain I felt from the accusation I didn’t pay much mind to him but left to draw up a plan.

    • Ken
      May 05, 08:39 Reply

      Wait your story isn’t complete nau.
      How did u handle it biko. Which plan??

  3. Audrey
    May 05, 09:23 Reply

    During the time I faced the panel the hardest on me was the HR and I wondered why. Nigga even went ahead to want to poison the mind of others present towards me but GOD NO BE MAN.

    Weeks later I was asked to go drop off something at the said clients place cos I knew I needed to hatch my plan I asked to drop it off the next day but told them to call him informing that I’d be in his office the next day to drop off the said item.

    On getting home that day I got a clean cut,dressed to kill the next day to the office and wore my most seductive perfume. I was looking and smelling so good that my colleagues teased me asking if I was actually celebrating anything special that day.
    I got to the clients office and on seeing me he immediately stood up and closed the door and immediately I dropped the package and proceeded to leave Oga grabbed me from behind and started professing lust as usual. I relaxed and got him own up to all the wrong accusations he threw my way oblivious that I had my phone on Voice record.

    Immediately I had what i wanted I told him I’d call him and ask where to meet up with him since I was on a work run and couldn’t play naughty during my work hours and I left him. I got to the office, played the recording to my HOB who immediately requested that I go to the head office and exonerate myself with evidence so that such incident would be cleared from my record.
    I did as I was directed and the MD saw to it that all members of the panel that day apologized to me and was given a 5k hazard allowance.

    The said HR started picking on me but unknown to him I knew that he was seriously hitting on my closest colleague so we set a trap for him and nigga shamelessly fell for it.

    • Higwe
      May 05, 13:32 Reply

      Nice one .
      Just be careful , because he’s now like a wounded animal .
      He’ll do anything to exert revenge.

  4. Higwe
    May 05, 09:45 Reply

    Personally , I would sleep with her though .
    I mean it’s just sex ??‍♂️
    Once I imagine Denola’s hole …I have instant erection. ?

    That said , I do understand that’s not your style …so here are a few suggestions.

    Start looking for another job – women can be pretty vindictive.
    For some reason they think they’re entitled to any dick they fancy and don’t take rejection well .
    Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned *
    Bro she’s gonna make your life so miserable that you will tender your resignation .

    Amp up on your emotional blackmail skill – name drop an imaginary girlfriend or fiancee from time to time .
    While thanking her in one of your numerous chatversations …tell her she’s like a sister you never had ??, don’t say “mother” because that could get your tight ass fired.

    There are no freebies in this life – if you must reject the devil , reject him in entirety. Don’t reject the witch’s apple but keep her basket.
    You’ve already spent the 10k , but there might be other instances in the future where you might get some freebies …it would be in your best interest to refuse them .

    When all fails, PRAY- the witching hour begins around 3am .
    Get seven red candles , strip yourself completely naked and get the picture of the lady in question .
    Stand in your verendah and summon confusing demons into her life.
    She’ll be so engaged with battling them that she no go look your side again * ?

    Get an egg of a local fowl , absolve yourself of every blame and then smash it at the roadside .

    After you’re done go to the bathroom and cleanse yourself with salt. ?

    Better yet ,you can connect her to a cute heterosexual friend.
    If you ain’t eating the shit you might as well let your dog have at it ??‍♂️

  5. Rexxy
    May 05, 10:05 Reply

    Good morning dear, I have been in this situation before at my former job, chances are that if you don’t give she will threaten your job, so I advice that you keep your phone recorder on whenever you talk on phone or are going to see her.
    This you can have evidence is she tried the play smart with your job.

    You’ll be alright darling.

  6. Audrey
    May 05, 10:13 Reply

    Hr was busy asking my colleague out even with knowledge of her forthcoming Introduction and her stern refusal got him serving us queries back to back because of how close we were so he felt I was the one eating her work(Poor me).

    The intimidation became too much that even other colleagues began to raise eye brows but we chose not to let them in on the actual reason for his attitude until he decided to try to break our bond. Nigga sent a mail that my colleague be transferred to head office and it didn’t seat well with us so we decided to make him stop the bullshit.
    We began recording his calls expressing his amorous interest in my colleague and screenshot his WhatsApp conversations with her then when the time was right we presented him with the evidence we gathered of him and requested that he approved her transfer back to our branch. We succeeded in getting our Head of department to sign for her transfer and he had no choice but to approve and it has been peaceful since that day.

    We heard the company is planning on downsizing but we subtly told him to make sure that he fights for our interest ELSE….

    Ps: it takes a lot of mind to pull of this kinda stunts oh.

  7. Jinchuriki
    May 05, 10:16 Reply

    I hope you get through this. Listen to Higwe and Rexxy.

  8. trystham
    May 05, 20:41 Reply

    Pele o. Be there doing “ma ma ma” like bleating goat????

    That’s the most amusing part and the comment I want to post???

  9. Ayo
    May 08, 16:40 Reply

    Fuck your way to the top dear, doesn’t matter if you like it or ain’t easy to get these days. Some of us lost our jobs due to the pandemic and recruitment is gonna be nasty when this ends

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