January 8

Well, a Happy New Year to all you fabulous people of KD! *appears in a cloud of pink smoke and golden showers*

I’m home for the midsession break, and I must say it’s been both relaxing and infuriating at the same time. Relaxing because there are good food to eat and cousins to send on errands, with mum sometimes giving me extra pieces of meat and me stealing dodo that belongs to dad and not having to worry about what my next meal will be (my joy seems to revolve around how easy it is for me to get fed).

And infuriating because of… You guessed it – Mother.

Christmas day or sometime around that time had a girl coming over and I conversed with her. When she announced that she was leaving and I said “bye bye”, Mother got really insistent that I should walk her some of the way home. I obliged. When I returned home, Mother started talking about how the girl is such a good girl, listing her good qualities in the process, and I couldn’t help but feel my mum invited the girl over as a sort of matchmaking experiment. Cute. Her anxiety that I don’t have a girlfriend seems to be increasing.

Also the jabs at my sexuality have returned. One time she was talking about how saying that you can’t change something about you is a lie; that with the grace of God, anyone can change. That God doesn’t put anything evil in you, but if it ever happens to be there, He would help you take it out. That hiding under the guise of “it’s my nature” is a fallacy and not appropriate.

Funny thing is that she was complaining about an entirely unrelated something when suddenly she started stating all of the above, and in between, she was like, “I hope somebody is listening”, before she tried to make it seem like she was speaking in general.

Hellur, Mother! There’s a pink Elephant with a rainbow tail in the room. You’re not fooling anyone.

Then during morning devotion, she was reading from a page of Open Heavens, and what I heard had me thinking “That’s not right”. Apparently gay people are people who feel like they are women in men’s bodies or vice versa. I thought those were called transgender. Hmm.

Every time I finish a call, she’d ask me who I was talking to, his name, how I know him. I put an end to that though. She asked who I was talking to and I said “a friend”. She asked for which friend and I smiled and said in a firm tone that I wasn’t telling, and strutted out of the room. Me – 1, Mother – 0.

I’ve started my IT at an abattoir (Hello, Chizzie). And I must say Nigerians are eating a lot of rubbish. Lol. Well, in the abattoir I’m attached to, I haven’t observed any potentially disease-outbreak situations, but you need to see where they wash the visceral organs. *shudders* And they basically coat the meat in the blood to give a semblance of freshness. Even when infected stuff is found, you can’t do much because you don’t want to make enemies with a bunch of people wielding knives.

The abattoir isn’t as disgusting as I thought it would be, and I didn’t faint at the sight of excess blood. But there’s something eerie about seeing something living just a few moments ago, then being skinned and chopped up into pieces later.

In my free time, I go to the vet clinic. I like the people there; they’re quite laid back and very willing to help with your questions. You get a variety of customers, from the wealthy echelon with their giant exotic dogs, to poor elderly ladies who are concerned because their mongrel is not eating well or who own rams and sheep.

It’s nice and all, and these people actually look at you like you’re a magician, because their pets and animals get better after treatment. Meanwhile some of the time, we aren’t even aware of what’s wrong with the animal. We’d just treat the symptoms and hope that the animal is resilient enough to bounce back. Blame that on poor equipment/facilities and the Nigerian crappy timing of bringing their animals to the clinic. A pup that’s obviously been sick for days could show up in the office and the owner would say it started the previous day.


It’s a New Year and I’m not big on New Year resolutions. But I realised that one thing I’d totally love is to get better at my painting. Like lots better! Be creative and all of that and tackle areas that I haven’t tried before, like portrait painting. I love to do abstract painting. The way I see what I painted isn’t what others might see and it’s always satisfying when people see what I want them to see and even more satisfying when they connect with these paintings. But abstract art doesn’t seem to cut it for people often. And they always ask, “Can you paint me?”

I’m horrible at portraits. I don’t even know the first thing about the art. I admire people who can paint portraits. It’s a big deal to use your hands to create a likeness of a person on a medium. I hope I can acquire that skill. At least, if it’s a source of extra pocket money, then that would be awesome. I’ve been scouring the Internet for suitable material and guides, but no luck. Yet.

I’d also really like it if my painting would be a steady source of income over time. I’ve managed to sell a few. It’s a nice feeling. But sometimes I feel guilty. I think I’ve got a mild case of impostor syndrome. I don’t always exactly feel like an artist. I feel like I’m lying to these people when I pose as an artist, and whatever praise I get has me feeling good but also thinking, “Anyone could do this if they applied themselves.” The last painting I sold had me wondering if the lady regretted spending money on it, or whether it was a pity-buy, or just encouragement, and not just because she liked the painting.

I know some peeps would say, “Who cares? Did you force her to buy?” But when it comes to art, especially when it’s something you can be passionate about, it’s not enough to just get that cash.


By the way, my cartoon lovers in the house, if you’re not watching Steven Universe, what the fuck are you doing? Go watch that shii and be amazed at the awesomeness that is the cartoon. Don’t judge it by the first episodes though. If by the end of season one you aren’t convinced it’s quite nice, I owe you a blow job.

Just kidding.

Search for episodes via this link, kisscartoon.me


My life is probably going to be pretty drab for the next one month, considering that I’m stuck in my hometown for a while and I have almost no friends here. But I’ve got a few things to keep me entertained like Tumblr (Hello, PP), Hearthstone, Steven Universe, etc. I’ll also avoid Mother whenever I notice her mood is sour. I’ll do a few song covers and post them online, then regret them when I watch a few months later because I’d be seeing all my errors. And I’ll study for some exams I have to retake.

Meanwhile, help me move my ministry forward. The painting below is for sale. 😀 2016-01-08 20.14.04

Written by James

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  1. Kenny
    January 10, 07:19 Reply

    James I like the fact that you talk about the happenings in your life without giving two fuck. And I can relate with the situation between you and your mum. I was ‘outted’ mid last year and even though they don’t give me grief about it, my mum drops subtle hints about how no matter what’s going on in my life I should have a female lover. During the recent holidays my twin sisters boyfriend came over and my mum was like Kehinde won’t your girlfriend be coming? I told her to chill, relax and let me live my life, I said it lovingly though.

    Never ever feel like you aren’t good enough James. You can try to be better at what you do but never feel like what you do isn’t good enough.

    The abbatoir matter ehn…… I’m studying agriculture so I know what you’re talking about. Happy new year. *chop knuckle ???

  2. Dennis Macaulay
    January 10, 07:30 Reply

    And you had to paint an eggplant!

    I honestly don’t get adults who watch cartoons, like what is more agbaya-esque than that? Whatever floats your boat but cartoons? Naaaa!

    I spent the holidays with my mom so I know first hand that the pressure is like. Your own is girlfriend but my own is wife! My mom kept gisting me who got married over the course of the year and inwardly I kept feeling sorry for her! How do the igbos say it; she is nacking hand on a trailer carrying stones!

    • JustJames
      January 10, 07:53 Reply

      If I don’t paint an eggplant, who will?

      There are cartoons and then there are cartoons.. It depends on who the target audience is..

      • Pink Panther
        January 10, 07:55 Reply

        Are you minding him? Some people see animations and instantly see the kiddies brand all over it, forgetting that life should never get too old for one to be young.

      • michael
        January 11, 18:54 Reply

        Yes, yes I so agree. For example, how to train your dragon 1&2 or perhaps, Rio 1&2…..

    • Terra
      January 10, 08:09 Reply

      Lool, watch Rick and Morty or even the common Family Guy or South Park. Definitely not for kids. That said, even some the ones targeted at kids like Steven Universe are pretty damn good too. Then you have the weirdos like Adventure Time and Regular Show that are targeted are kids but make a ton of references only adults could catch. Inside Out that just came out, animated movie, directed at kids, but as an adult, you’d probably have a better understanding of the things going on. In short, cartoons are awesome!

    • McGray
      January 10, 09:07 Reply

      Bia Nna Ezenwanyi hw dare u speak such about my cartoons? Anyhoo, lemme reserve my comments cos tdy be Sunday. Talk abt dat joy u get when u finally get to see (pix though) d man behind dis blog. *smiles*

  3. papasmurf
    January 10, 07:52 Reply

    I feel you my dear. I haven’t been outed or anything (although mother dear had her suspicions in my younger days). Y’all be talking girlfriend ish… My parents have fixed my wedding date for December this year, and are trying to hook me up with any1 they “feel” is a gud gurl.
    My dad actually wants to hook me up with a gurl he met @ his friend’s hospital, and why? Cos she “speaks well” aparently! JEEZ!!!

  4. Teflondon
    January 10, 10:42 Reply

    How much is the painting? How do I get it?
    Big art fan here!

  5. Ichie RedEyes
    January 10, 10:49 Reply

    Thank you for the link !
    Cartoons are awesome btw * runs into the sunset with princess bubble gum *

  6. Rev; Hot
    January 10, 11:03 Reply

    James, I don’t even know what to say…. That cartoon link just made my day….

    Also love the way you presented the painting…. Very profé…….

  7. Santa Diaba
    January 10, 11:23 Reply

    Omg yes! Steven Universe is the truth! The storyline, plot and character development is so well thought out. It’s amazing!!! ???

    • JustJames
      January 10, 12:02 Reply

      I love how they take heteronormativity and throw it in the bin.. There are strong female protagonists (though the gems are not exactly gender specific) and the concept of fusion is the most fascinating of them all. And there’s so much left to uncover like Steven fusing with the other gems if it’s possible and who are the other diamonds and aaaaaaaah!! So much.. *curls into fetal position and rocks back and forth*

      • Santa Diaba
        January 10, 12:51 Reply

        I also love how she factors actual gemology to the plot and story.
        1st of all, precious stones and other minerals have been found in space,
        2nd of all, rubies and sapphires are composed of the same compounds, the only difference is the presence of chromium deposits that give rubies their red colour. This is probably why Ruby and Sapphire are so compatible and have the most stable fusion.
        Another fun fact, is that all the quartz gems like Jasper, Amethyst and Rose Quartz are actually really quartz gems in real life!
        Also, the fusions truly are composed of the component elements of each gem. For example, malachite has silica (which is present in quartz like Jasper,) and carboflourites (which are present in lapis lazuli)
        The show just blows my mind in every way.

        I just want Steven to up his game. He’s been a baby too long.

        • ambivalentone
          January 10, 15:17 Reply

          *Dazed and drooling* Can we just watch the cartoon in peace and not be reminded of Vowa n Sobogun
          I still hate Adventure Time tho.

          • Groot
            January 10, 19:23 Reply

            And I’ve seen someone who went through waziri. It’s about time. Hi ambivalent one

  8. Wayfaring Stranger
    January 10, 11:43 Reply

    You’re so down to earth.
    P.S: waiting for more song covers from you; I’ve still got Amnesia and labyrinth on my phone.

  9. Jamie
    January 10, 11:49 Reply

    It’s been a while, James. Happy new year to you too!
    It’s a good thing that I don’t fancy most meats fresh, save for chicken and pork. I almost puked when I read about the abbatoir; it’s something I’ve noticed before…

    • JustJames
      January 10, 12:05 Reply

      Poultry.. I think.. Is one of the safest meat of them all mostly due to the fact that you can kill them on your own and at least have an idea if something is wrong. Can’t overemphasise on PROPERLY BOILING YOUR MEAT.
      Pork.. Lol. You don’t want to know the diseases that riddle this set of animals *shuddders*.

  10. Taopheeq
    January 10, 12:20 Reply

    Oh Steven Universe is life!!! I can’t wait to see what Rebecca Sugar does with the Great Diamond Authority and a possible Garnet and Peridot fusion.

  11. Delle
    January 10, 12:22 Reply

    Lol James…that girl bit was actually a rib-cracker. My mum says ‘Don’t close the door of your room with the girl inside so u don’t send wrong signals to your younger ones’, and I’m like, REALLY?! I don’t know if that’s her just wanting to ignore the fact that I ‘may’ be gay or she’s just being a disciplinarian…oh well…

    I hate blood! Hate, hate, hate, hate the sight of blood and gore and splattered insides…eeww! I’d have gone for medicine (since my dad sees Arts courses as non-courses), but since I wouldn’t want to be in charge of a Hospital of Death, I decided on the place I am now, instead.

    Oh and I don’t like Steven Universe but keep your mouth and blow job to yasef! Lol.

    Nice painting by the way and that aubergine reminds me of something so…hmm…

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