What’s Change? Simply put, change is the turning of something old into something new or different. Change is the one thing in life that’s constant.

Feeble-minded persons find this hard to comprehend.


People change. I for one have changed. I’m different now. I’m anew. A lot of people hate this new me. PMs of friends read: I hate the new you.

Plain. Just like that. Well, what can I say… Tch!

You know that moment when you put into writing your state of mind at a particular time? I did so a few days ago.


“Don’t touch me or I’d kill you twice.

I’ve changed. Now, I’m not so nice.

I shall annihilate your body and corrode your soul.

Lick your blood-coated skin. Slice your tongue.”


“Boo, boo; I love you too.

I don’t really mean it, though; you think I do.

Four words. One syllable. So hard to say.”


“Take my hand and die.

I’d slit your throat and make you cry.

Fly. Like a wizard, I’d curse your soul.”

“Bitter, bitter…”

Okay, that’s as far as I could get. But, yea, put ’em in a song…bitter pop, whatever!

So, Kel… That’s where we left off the last time, right?

Well, there were cool things we both had in common: love for Beyoncé. E! DJ Xclusive. Spice TV. Sia’s Titanium track (then), and a few other things. Hmm.

Our love was made us (me especially) tipsy all the time. He never came to my place. I always went to his for make-out sessions. We didn’t have sex.

Then, I spoke to Malfoy, my online bestie about Kel. (Apparently he knew something(s) about Kel which I didn’t. And he didn’t disclose.)

Malfoy: Wait, you’re dating who?

Me: Kel… (I sent him a photo of Kel.)

Malfoy: Hmmm. Ok o.

Me: Any problem?

Malfoy: No, nothing. Have you told Daniel? (Daniel is the third member of our trio, and the oldest)

Me: I’ll tell him. Mehn! You know the guy is so fucking cute! Chai.

Malfoy made some noncommittal noises, but I didn’t bother to dig into his attitude.


So, Kel invited me over to his place on a boring afternoon. That mumu smile lit up my face. I hastily got dressed and headed out.

I got there, and we settled in to watch Chasing The Saturdays, formed British accents (which I could obviously do with better), and quickly got around to a romantic pillow fight. And playful wrestling. Then, foreplay.

It was intense. Ah, in his mind, the sex would be more intense. But, I’m like that; give you hope – make you dick rock hard – then, tell you ‘No’.

What saying no has caused me in this life ehn.

Well, it pissed him off. He didn’t speak to me. He practically ignored my presence the rest of my stay. And so, I left.


I had this conversation with Daniel after that.

Me: Kel is mad at me ’cause I denied him sex.

Daniel: I saw that coming. Dear, you can’t have a rosy relationship without sex. Sooner or later, you’d have to give it to him.

Me: People engage in relationships where sex isn’t a priority. People have sexless relationships!

Daniel: Which people? In what universe? You’ll have to do this if you want to save your relationship with him.

I sighed.

Hmm. Ok.


He was unresponsive to my Whatsapp messages, and then to those from 2go. It hurt. What was this sef? Hmm.

I read someone’s PM: Your virginity cannot earn you a BSc.

Like WTF! Ok. I’m acting like this because I’m a virgin? Damn. Shebi it’s sex? We will have it then.

I called his cell phone, he answered. I apologized, he accepted. I was going to make it up to him, I said. We were going to have sex.

A few days later, I went to see him. But, Lily! Grrrr! She was home. It apparently wasn’t a problem for him, but it was for me.

Kel: Go inside the room.

Lily: Which room? Ehn… Only me canno’ go inside.

Kel: Oya, stay in the parlor.

We went into his room. Minutes later, Lily waltzed in.

Lily: Kel, what are you doing? You’re touching someborri’s bumbum.

He sighed. “Shey you’ll eat indomie?”

She nodded her affirmation. He left the room to prepare the noodles for her. When he was done, she still wouldn’t eat and leave us in peace!

“Oya, play with my phone,” I said.

She took it. I reasoned that the phone wouldn’t follow me home in one piece. She still didn’t settle. She intercepted our kisses with a tap from her small hand.


“Kel, I’m going home,” I said in frustration.

But then, he took her out to her school’s playground, which was a stone throw from the house, and told the mistress of the Crèche School that he would come back for her. We got back to his place and resumed our business.

Ah, great foreplay that was leading somewhere. Passionate kissing (When two good kissers meet, you know what’s up!) Dick sucking. Ass fingering.

Then, he went out to the kitchen. Alas, he came back with Vegetable Oil! What’s Astroglide? Fuck it! Fuck KY Jelly too! This was going to be raw (and bland! :|).

It wasn’t enjoyable. Only the kisses, those were on-point. But the thrusting didn’t hit any spots.

And so, that was how I didn’t have the luxury of losing my virginity in a five star hotel room filled with the scent of Voluspa candles and roses.

Nah! I lost it on a regular mattress and a hard couch.

After that first time however, I felt happiness. The next day, I felt something else. Disconnection. Was it all about the sex? I asked myself. No. I felt something more, but at the same time I felt disconnected from this first, fresh, fucking-fine fella.

And that little voice inside said, “You’ve done it now. What’s next…”

I tried not to think. I just said, “Shut up.”

Written by Kizito

Next ‘Looking’ Star Russell Tovey And Those Comments About Effeminate Gay Men

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  1. D-boy
    March 06, 06:04 Reply

    Sigh! This is so me. Just finally decided to fuck it and start dating guys. I like a guy already, but can’t see past making out and oral sex at most. Isn’t the whole point of sexuality to actually want to have sex. First timer here.

  2. Max
    March 06, 06:21 Reply

    So many parts of this story are so wrong..
    Lemme start by saying that oral sex is sex.. He just fucked your mouth and not the ass. So you were only a half virgin before the royal plunge of the ass was done.
    And vegetable oil?? Omfg. **throws up ** was he that horny?
    And making out in front of a child?? Another No No.. You guys should be careful about the things you do.
    And to all the virgins and semi virgins in the house, sex isn’t much of a big deal..just get ready to get filthy, really really filthy… Don’t even get me started with the tons of lubing. At some point, the ass will start behaving like ewedu soup..**throws up more..

    • pinkpanthertb
      March 06, 06:26 Reply

      LOL!!! Nice, Max, really nice. now you have succeeded in unsettling some of our poor unsuspecting virgins.

    • Lothario
      March 10, 16:59 Reply

      Lmao! Oh Max……you’re such a delight!

  3. simba
    March 06, 06:22 Reply

    Change is unavoidable in human specie, but with conscious efforts we should strive not to change beyond repair lol, no matter how de gaybourhood pushes us… my dear Kizito, I don’t think u ve changed.. de feeling u had after de sex is only natural ONLY when there is no LOVE..

  4. KryxxX
    March 06, 06:34 Reply

    *eyes bulging from sockets*

    Vegetable oil!!!
    Chi m nwenne oh!!

    Loving Kel’s sis shaa.
    Lemme leave that one first nd hammer on this.

    Sex is good! Yes? No? But making it the foundation of any relationship is like building a sky scraper on a marsh land/swamp without massive reinforcement. Its like the biblical statue that had well honed body but clay feets! IT SHALL CRASH SO HARD, YOU WOULD WONDER WHAT HIT YOU!
    But in d gaybourhoood, its like: no sex, no relationship! Even in the straight world too! I personally think Hollywood fuelled that fire. In a typical movie, boy meets gal, boy likes gal, gal likes boy, THEY ROLL IN THE SHEETS! LOVE IS BORN! Asi asi! Big fat lie!

    Oh well! Lemme leave d rest to the intellectual powers in the house! Pinky, Dennis, Chestnut, Peak, Sensei, Deola, Khaleesi, Max, Gad, Colossus of Rhode nd Lord of Lords! Over to you guys!

  5. Gad
    March 06, 06:41 Reply

    “Don’t touch me or I will kill you twice”,.this line reminds me of my brother AIG M. Mbu. Kizito, how often are we going to be getting more rants from you?

  6. Peak
    March 06, 07:34 Reply

    Lol @ that lil voice! I still remember that lil voice

    Hmmm why would an old man like myself be day dreaming about a pillow fight? *sigh* I guess one is never too old for simple things.

    I love ur Dark thoughts, I ve kinda ve outgrown that phase………………well not entirely. Lol I guess if u ve dark thought u always ve them, I actually brings out the creativity in me and help me visualise life from an odd angle that regular folks can’t see or won’t choose to see.
    U just can’t express urself on bbm without having over righteous ppl come after u, I like being dark and. Sexually explicit that’s the inner me. But u ve to be politically correct at all times and keep the inner u to urself or “Nigerians” will come after u. To them u are either evil, possessed, ve no home training, shaming urself, or just rude for trying to express u and ur thoughts.

    Oh well nice read. I like it. It sounds very boy next doorish. Great job bruh

    • Max
      March 06, 08:17 Reply

      True about expressing yourself… I always deal with the over-zealous overtly pious people who comment on my updates.

  7. jamie
    March 06, 07:37 Reply

    Oh no… I pity that lil girl Lily… No matter the sexuality, those ones are too young to see ”secret” stuff. Couldn’t y’all just shut the door? Just asking…

  8. Ruby
    March 06, 07:37 Reply

    Vegetable Oil??? Really!
    Anywho, change is Relevant but I would advise that if ƔU̶̲̥̅̊ Α̲̅я̩̥̊ƺ changing, do so for ƔU̶̲̥̅̊R own Good №t to please Society.
    Live ƔU̶̲̥̅̊R life for ƔU̶̲̥̅̊ n №t for D̶̲̥̅ Society…
    PS: Building a relationship on Sex is a BIG N̶̲̥̅̊☺ N̶̲̥̅̊☺ cos D̶̲̥̅ relationship will go downhill so fast ƔU̶̲̥̅̊R head will spin *trust ♍e̶̲̥̅̊ I’ve been a victim*
    Sex should ß̍̍̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ more like a “side-dish” in a relationship №t D̶̲̥̅ life blood of it. That said, make sure ƔU̶̲̥̅̊ have sex with someone that ƔU̶̲̥̅̊ will ß̍̍̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ proud of 5 years from now *nuff said*

  9. hisroyalsexiness
    March 06, 07:42 Reply

    And so, that was how I didn’t have the luxury
    of losing my virginity in a five star hotel room
    filled with the scent of Voluspa candles and
    Nah! I lost it on a regular mattress and a hard

    Sorry dear!!!

    • trystham
      March 06, 11:08 Reply

      U lost ur virginity in two different places??? What that fuck is ur kporo???A long stretch of road??? Hian!! I fear for u o

  10. #TeamKizito
    March 06, 07:59 Reply

    Anticipating the downfall of the relationship so soon, are we?

  11. trystham
    March 06, 08:55 Reply

    #sigh Those days of annointing o. I always felt the sex became perversely holy…or perhaps unholy. I would never look at GoYA. same way again.

    Errr…for freaks like us, sex IS very important. The relationship would av already bin grounded with convos…or not (if its gonna be a fling).

    • pinkpanthertb
      March 06, 09:16 Reply

      Sex. Very important relationship ingredient.
      Anybody preaching different should find several seats in Agape Love stadium and nyash down.

      • Max
        March 06, 09:33 Reply

        Which type? Oral or Anal?

      • Chuck
        March 06, 23:37 Reply

        It all depends on why you want a relationship. It’s like soup. Depending on if you’re a healthy eater or not, the ingredients will differ. Some relationships are for meaningful companionship. Others are basically alliances for sex.

    • Peak
      March 06, 09:42 Reply

      *archs an eyebrow at PP

      @Trystham, guy I de feel u jare! Some ppl just de sound like se KD na one kind Rich sorority house. Ndi rich kids of beverly hills una doooooo *in my edo accent* And ndi forming! I hail too! Some ppl will prolly ve a heart attack when them hear wetin ppl way start their extraction and excavation of mineral resources at a young age used as lube. I would like to hear what was used as lube in boarding school. Like I said kizitoz! This u shit sounds real and has that every dayish-boy next doorish feel to it.

      OAN; a crazy dude in the hostel back in the day was so pressed 4 sex, he was broke and horny as hell, that he had to, wait for it ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,empty a nylon that had vegetable oil in it that his room mate got to use for cooking the following morning, emptied the content and fucked his hoeing GF with it. I just couldn’t look at the girl anymore without having the strong urge to throw up

      • pinkpanthertb
        March 06, 09:50 Reply

        Hahahahaa. Wait, the vegetable oil nylon was the condom?! Please tell me my understanding of what you wrote is wrong!

      • KryxxX
        March 06, 10:31 Reply

        Oh well! Tinz ppl do in the heat of the moment can b really disgusting. Was listening to a show once on radio(Celeb’s Secret/Ppl’s secret) nd a guy called in nd said he used nylon as condom on a gal he just met for d first time right in his office! Wtf! Was so repulsed listening, I switched channels. Things ppl do…………………………

      • Max
        March 06, 10:32 Reply

        @PP, nylon tied with rubber band around the dick was used by “broke straight boys” in my skl to screw hoes then…
        It shocked me then and still shocks me now.

      • Paul
        March 06, 15:07 Reply

        D 1 I saw back in uni was he apparently had jst 1 CD and he kept washing and rinsing it for repeated rounds.
        After washing he wuld b wiping d tin so it drains.
        U need to c me running so d water doesn’t touch me.
        I neva sabi wetin make me short,mk I no dwarf join biko.

        • pinkpanthertb
          March 06, 16:04 Reply

          My gawd! I think I just puked. Konji can make guys do gross things sha

    • Peak
      March 06, 10:34 Reply

      Yes oooooo
      The ororo nylon na him my guy use do condom. He was prolly high on weed as usual

  12. Kel
    March 06, 11:45 Reply

    Egads,why Kel?.
    Why not call him by another name?.

  13. Oluwadamilare Okoro
    March 06, 13:59 Reply

    Vegetable oil? LOL
    Thank “Gad” it wasn’t anointing oil hahahaha.

    Buh really o, relationship without sex is nada… but of course there can be love without sex. *I hope y’all get what I mean*

    *smiles at that cute guy I have been seeing for two weeks now and we haven’t had sex*

  14. Ace
    March 06, 14:15 Reply

    I don’t know which is funnier; the story, the comments or this episode of Maury on TV. Kizito interesting story.

  15. lluvmua
    March 06, 15:14 Reply

    Oh well this is totally me…….. I got le boo hard nd refused to have sex…. (we haven’t had sex since we started dating) he was furious nd promised never to disturb me bout it anymore…. so sad nd confused now dunno wah to do…… I only wanted the sex to be perfect I:e perfect time, perfect place ,perfect occasion etc…… any advise?

    • pinkpanthertb
      March 06, 16:06 Reply

      Stop waiting for perfectness. Its not as though this will be your first time.

    • Gad
      March 06, 18:47 Reply

      I suggest you wait till your honey moon. No time could be more perfect to be disvirgined than during your honeymoon. #teamnosexb4marriage#

      • lluvmua
        March 06, 19:38 Reply

        Lol @ honeymoon….. this isnt my first Gad… but this is going to be the first sex ever in our budding relationship…..

  16. KingBey
    March 07, 19:47 Reply

    Bikonu, what’s the big deal about sex? something I have almost everyday. And yeah….I have used Vegetable oil, Anointed Olive oil mumsi gave me to use after prayers, saliva which happens to be my favorite and then I have used all the types of lubes too. I find them boring anyways….

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