I used to think very lowly of gay Nigerians who recounted kito experiences they’ve been through because I thought these people were stupid and too desperate for sex, and for that, got exactly what they deserved. But you see, life has a way of fitting you into a bad situation you thought you were too good for. And when it happened to me, I realised that just about anyone can be kitoed, given the right – or perfectly wrong circumstance.

I met Mark when I was in junior secondary school. I used to feminine, so I got bullied a lot. Mark was hands-down the most handsome boy in my school. The only workout he did was football, but his body was incredible. Back then, I didn’t even realise I was gay. I knew I found men attractive, but I didn’t think of having sex with them.

Mark was the first fellow school mate who was nice to me. He didn’t have the sneer or stupid grin with a hint of disgust other students had on when they passed me. He treated me with respect and even tried to get me involved in sports. We started spending a lot of time together and I realised I had hopelessly fallen in love with him. Imagine my disappointment when he started dating my sister. Apparently the fact that he was always coming to my place brought them together. I loved both of them deeply, so I tried not to be hurt by their ‘treachery’ and kept being friends with Mark. He was the only one who wasn’t ashamed of me outside my home. He carried me along and introduced me to his friends as his kid brother. Even when other students screamed “homo” at me when we walked together, he acted like he didn’t hear. Or perhaps he heard and simply didn’t care.

Mark didn’t go to the university. He left Nigeria for South Africa immediately he finished secondary school. There was talk that he’d joined yahoo boys; I didn’t know for sure. And the distance affected our relationship as our communication began to dwindle. The only time I got to talk with him was when he called my sister and asked her to give me the phone.

Soon however, my sister got married. She ended what was her long-distance relationship with Mark, dismissing it as childhood exuberance, and declared herself ready to settle down with a man. With the end of their relationship came the end of my communication with Mark. I didn’t speak to him in a very long time.

Fast forward a little more than five years, and I was a graduate waiting to serve. I was going through Facebook profiles during one idle moment – and behold, there was my Mark! He’d changed considerably but I could still recognize him. He had become lighter in complexion, with lots of beard and more muscles.

I buzzed him and before long, we’d started chatting via Facebook inbox. There was so much we had to talk about, so I asked for his WhatsApp number and we began exchanging messages over there. One thing I noticed as we chatted was that this person wasn’t the Mark I used to love. His responses were monosyllabic, usually comprised of “lol” and “kk”. Plus he took hours to read and reply my messages, even when it was obvious he was constantly online.

Anyone wise enough would have taken that as a sign to back-pedal and cool off of him. But not me, the love struck moron that I was.

On the day of my birthday however, he surprised me by chatting me up first. He asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I reminded him of the laptop he promised to get me before he left for South Africa. I was definitely a fool, now that I think of it; I never tried to get a laptop since Mark made that promise, because I was hoping that one day, he’d fulfill his promise. I wanted the first laptop I’d use to be the one he said he’d get for me.

So he asked me for my account number, and minutes after I gave him the details, I got an alert for the credit of 80k.

That was when, upon calling him to thank him, I blurted out the unthinkable.

“I love you, Mark.”

He replied, “I love you too, bro.”

And the stupid, smitten person I was wouldn’t let it go at that point. Instead, I went on to tell him that I didn’t love him as a bro; that I’ve loved him ever since I knew him and really wished I could be his boyfriend.

“So you are gay?” he said after my declarations.

I hadn’t expected the question. I’d always thought he knew all the time I was tagging with him and complimenting his physique and looks that I was gay. I was lost for words, strangely hurt that he hadn’t known me that well enough all this time. So I decided to let it go.

We didn’t chat for about a week or so. Then, unable to bear the isolation from him, I buzzed him up again. We began chatting as usual, but his responses were even more monosyllabic and very cold. I refused to be deterred. I even asked to be invited over to his place. He told me he’d been at his family house since he came back from South Africa. I asked if I could come over and he agreed.

My heart was beating with joy from the moment he agreed to my visitation to the day I was all set to go. I’d even begun planning on how I’d lose my virginity to Mark, building up several fantasies surrounding that fantastic orgasmic moment.

When I got to his place – a place I’d been to several times in the past – my Mark was not as welcoming as I’d envisaged he’d be. His eyes were cold and his voice growled. Mark had a bit of temper, this I knew. He fought a lot back in the day, but his temper had never been directed at me. Back then, even when I insulted him, he’d laugh my theatrics off. But on this day, I recognized the bad-tempered countenance and I was shocked to realize I was the beneficiary. Once I was ensconced inside his room, his cousins – big, tough-looking guys – descended inside the room and crowded me in. They pounced on me and gave me the beating of my life. They even made me swear by the Bible that I would never be gay again.

And all through this painful ordeal, Mark stayed aloof. He didn’t join his cousins in beating me up, but his disinterested face and lack of empathy broke my heart.

When I got home, it was to find out that Mark had already blocked me on WhatsApp and Facebook. My heart broke ever still, and for the first time, the emotion I had for him was hate. I loathed him. And I wanted to give him my last piece of mind before I dismissed him from my life.

So I opened a new account on Facebook, sought him out and sent him a message. I told him that the only person that will judge him for the terrible thing he’d done to me is the Lord. I told him that I prayed for him every single day he was in South Africa, and even though I was a useless faggot to him, that he just lost a friend that would have had his back for the rest of his life. I was bitter and angry and every bit of the hateful things I was feeling poured through into my message.

He saw the message and blocked the second account. This time, I didn’t care. I’d said my piece. Now,it was time to move on.

Then a few weeks ago, I was in the room reading, when my mother knocked on my door to tell me that Mark was here to see me. I didn’t know how to react when I heard his name from my mother, and then when he came into the room to see me. He came bearing lots of gifts (Mark was always generous) and lots of apologies. He said he was sorry for letting his cousins assault me. Then he began to explain about how he went through a lot of shit in South Africa, and how my sister dumping him when he was high and dry in South Africa and me not trying to contact him thereafter made him resent us. As he spoke, I began to realize that unbelievably, I shared some blame. When my sister stopped communicating with him and got married, I should have collected his contact from her and kept calling him, at least to find out how he was coping, his health and all that.

Mark went on to tell me he was straight and loved women. But he felt he owed me something for what he did to me. So he asked me to kiss him. I couldn’t believe it. Such a golden opportunity! I didn’t need to be asked twice. I reached for his oh-so handsome face and sank my lips into what turned out to be such a toe-curlingly divine kiss. It tasted like heaven, his lips. At a point, he had to pull back from me and began to chuckle, a sound so infectious that we soon began laughing, especially when he joked that I wanted to finish his lips. Then he told me to go get a boyfriend, seeing as I was clearly in need of some action. We laughed again, just like old times, and began gisting like we used to do before. And for the first time since he came back from South Africa, I began to feel like I’d finally gotten my Mark back.

Since then, we have never engaged in anything remotely sexual, and yet, somehow, I’m still happy, primarily because we are back to being friends. I’m still unashamedly in love with him; so in love in fact, that I turned down a number of dates because I just couldn’t see Mark in any of them.

I know this is the worst situation a gay man can ever find himself in – to be in love with a straight man. But I cannot help myself.

But this is a kito story – my kito story. And every now and then, even though I love Mark, I can’t help the resentment I feel for him whenever the image of that brutality he let happen in his house flashes before my eyes.

Written by Odira

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  1. Lorde
    April 24, 07:53 Reply

    Tell me about it, dunno y I’m alwz into straight men….every single fucking time….
    Beht wait oo…. you’re a virgin?? That’s like finding Bigfoot in Nigeria

    • Absalom
      April 24, 08:50 Reply

      Sorry to butt in oh, sir. I know it’s not my business, but are you aware that being attracted to straight men “almost all the time” is a kind of self-inflicted indignity?

      Do you worship straightness?
      Do you detest (your) gayness?
      Do you lose all attraction for a guy after you learn he is gay?

      You may want to unpack your attraction and examine its pieces. Good morning.

    • Bonaparte
      April 24, 18:57 Reply

      It’s not that hard to find a virgin lol. knowing your sexuality is not to be consolidated by having sex. I’m eighteen and a virgin and two of my closest friends are virgins

    • beejay
      April 24, 20:46 Reply

      Beg pardon? I beg to differ sir. That assumption is quite baseless.

  2. Delle
    April 24, 08:27 Reply

    Sorry, but I don’t know why I frowned all through this read. It’s not even something I can be sympathetic to.

    Love shouldn’t make you stupid consistently! After he had let his cousins pounce on you, he gives you three syllables of apology and a bag of gifts and then you sink into his lips?
    Oh God I can’t deal.

    • Logan
      April 24, 19:06 Reply

      Aahhhh Delle, my Delle, hi Delle. I don’t know why but I always look forward to your comments & posts. Hope you’re good. I bet you are.

      • Delle
        April 25, 10:39 Reply

        I’m good, Logan. Thanks for asking.

    • Nate
      April 25, 13:14 Reply

      Exactly! Are we going to ignore the fact that he set you up to be beaten !! Mate you’re being played , wake up !!

  3. Absalom
    April 24, 08:42 Reply

    Let me hear that I’m not quietly plotting my revenge on that Mark!

    What xxxxxxxxx!

    • Yazz Soltana
      April 27, 18:06 Reply

      ?? I swear what I’d do to him will be worse than cercei lannister did to the high sparrow.

  4. Dana Opal
    April 24, 10:22 Reply

    I don’t know if I should feel excited that you both are now friends again but one thing I know is the fact that I am totally pissed at what he allowed his cousins do to you.

    I remember my first encounter with a woman. She was all over me back in school and innocently, I was just enjoying the attention.

    When she finally told me what she wanted, I declined but I didn’t stop being her friend. She respected my decision and backed off trying to get me into bed but she stayed my friend even after she got married.

    So no, Mark’s actions was not right…

    Hope u find the one who makes u happy

    • iAmNotAPerv
      April 24, 20:01 Reply

      Femaleeeee! Hi I’m Ife. Here to ass-ist you with any thing you would like. 🙂

  5. Jerry
    April 24, 10:26 Reply

    Some people are just nice, do not take it for admiration. My kito story is the most embarrassing ever! I was attacked in the presence of my boyfriend and he did less to salvage me. He later ended the relationship by calling me all sort of names reminding me of how he saved my ‘ugly ass’ as he said… I felt betrayed and wounded by his words, this wound can not be healed.

    • Pink Panther
      April 24, 10:28 Reply

      Oh my God. Why haven’t you handed this story in, complete with his pictures for us all to see the scum that he is?

    • cedar
      April 24, 10:56 Reply

      Ur bf really or u were crushing on him?

    • Jerry
      April 24, 14:16 Reply

      I was attacked by my crush in the presence of my ex-boyfriend. I actually met my crush before I met my ex-boyfriend… I told my ex-boyfriend everything before the unfortunate incident, I am glad I did, but he misjudged me. Sorry Pink Panther I will tell you what happen when I am ready. I blamed myself though, but I have learnt my lesson. All I can say to my LGBTQ people is be true to yourselves and wait for them to come to you.

  6. cedar
    April 24, 11:04 Reply

    I know that love (or infatuation) can make us do crazy things sometimes but seriously, we shouldn’t forget our brains at home when travelling to Love Island.
    Imagine that Mark or his cousins outed you, would u still have found him attractive?
    Dis kind of love is 100% made in China.

  7. Irish...
    April 24, 11:11 Reply

    As he spoke, I began to realize that unbelievably, I shared some blame. When
    my sister stopped communicating with him and got married, I should have collected his
    contact from her and kept calling him, at least to find out how he was coping, his
    health and all that.

    you’re unbelievable! what sort of nonsense is this? you’re to blame for….?

    it’s like you have esteem issues.
    so because you didn’t check up on him is enough reason for him to attack you! why didn’t he check up on you too?

    Two of una fit. radarada!

  8. beejay
    April 24, 11:27 Reply

    Oh man! This sounds the very epitome of toxicity, it’s clear that your attraction to this one is leading you into making decisions that are less than sound. No judgement, but you seriously need to consider severing all ties with him. People who inflict abuse and then return later with apologies and promises have a high tendency of repeating said abuses in future; plus it isn’t healthy for you to cling on so earnestly to someone who has expressly said he isn’t even remotely attracted to you, yet will taunt you with a kiss (out of ‘pity’). Get out. Get out now!

    • Jide
      April 24, 14:12 Reply

      Lmaooooo you’re mad oh

      • beejay
        April 24, 20:43 Reply

        lol. insanity could be disguised genius

  9. Terra
    April 24, 11:32 Reply

    Dude, I’m worried about you. I used to think I had issues with self esteem and self respect, but it’s like I’m still learning work. Also, your relationship with this guy is alarmingly toxic. You love him so much that you can’t date other guys, but you also harbour resentment for him (as you probably should) for arranging a situation that could have killed you. This is unhealthy. Stop it at once. Also, Mark seems like something of a dick. Maybe he was nice a kid, but he morphed into a dick as an adult. Also, maybe it’s the cynic in me talking, but I think you have it backward, and he was nice to you and hung out with you to get with your sister. It may not be easy, but I think you need to erase this “human”

    • Yazz Soltana
      April 27, 18:16 Reply

      Hmm, he is the Luscious Lyon to your Cookie but seriously you need to outgrow him

  10. himbo
    April 24, 12:11 Reply

    I think he needs to beat you some more.

  11. Z
    April 24, 12:43 Reply

    I’ve tried to be understanding to the fact that you have strong feelings for this dude and also put myself in your shoes. But nigga I’m quite disgusted. This guy got his cousins to assault you physically for whatever reason, disrespected you by blocking you TWICE on social media and then had the guts to put some of the blame for such foolishness on you. And then you with quite a questionable self esteem accepted the blame for his foolishness and even gave into the temptation of rewarding him with a kiss. Feeding his ego with your affection and attention. Feelings be damned, this is the kind of person you should be taking down, not blessing him with your forgiveness. The least you can do is to give yourself some respect and cut him out of your life. Dump the nigga please!

  12. Jide
    April 24, 14:18 Reply

    What’s wrong with you? I hope it’s not the 80k and the plethora of gifts he gave you that made you so soft? Circumcize your thoughts!!

  13. bain
    April 24, 14:44 Reply

    I’ve read this story twice,and I think something is seriously wrong with you…(no offence).

  14. Francis
    April 24, 15:20 Reply

    Yet another one of us in need of a good shrink or time/baba God to show him the light. This your obsession is all forms of wrong and will ruin you especially when a good thing comes along ?

  15. Black Dynasty
    April 24, 16:05 Reply

    Hello Odira, love is a lot of things but it is not what you’ve just described. Love is a 2 way street, what I’ve read above is 1 way and all from you.

    When someone shows you who they are, better believe it. He invited you to get beaten and sat there/ watched it happen because he resented you/your sister? What happens the next time he feels angry or upset @ you, another beating on account of your sexuality.

    Don’t let your feelings/infatuation get the better of you. You need to be honest with your self and reassess, stating fact and accepting it. Sure, he might have made a mistake…. but this is how abusive relationships(romantic or platonic) begin.

    • Delle
      April 24, 17:19 Reply

      Azin ehn! For him to have invited you over to get beaten by his cousins while he looked on like some psychopath is scary. That’s who he is; vicious, monstrous, cruel, creepy and bile-ridden.

      The wonderful teen boy you knew while growing up is gone. You had better accept this reality or die in the one you’re in.

      • Black Dynasty
        April 25, 06:16 Reply

        Precisely, hopefully the author listens to the unanimous advice from the comments.

  16. Gad
    April 24, 21:19 Reply

    No one is born cheap and stupid. The only cheap and stupid people in existence are self made. Please when Mark is through with you or you are through with him, go to Balogun market or oshodi, carefully scan through the mammoth crowd, by God’s grace, you will see a look alike of Mark, engage him in a very tight embrace and tell him how much you love him and wants him to disvirgin you.

    • FJ
      April 25, 14:20 Reply

      boy, neva knew u cud be dis sarcastic!…?????
      @ d author, ndo, i think u need to let go. Feeling dat no one can ever be like Mark isn’t real. It only exists in ur brain.

  17. Eddie
    April 24, 21:38 Reply

    shey you hear eh Odira…. Please ditch that crazy fool ASaP!!! Being his friend shouldnt even be an option abeg

  18. Henry
    April 24, 22:01 Reply

    Ehya, av been there, I know how it feels….to b in love with a straight person. But u just av to let him go bcos it wud lead to nothing buh heartbreak and emotional trauma. U will just see yasef playing d villain in a soap opera. I know it feels lyk u will die if u don’t marry him but trust me….u won’t.

  19. Dickson' clement
    April 24, 22:17 Reply

    He allowed a kiss, didn’t join them in beating you…. .
    This guy needs to be investigated.. ..

  20. KingBey
    April 25, 03:17 Reply

    I still don’t understand why a gay guy crushes over a straight guy. Maybe a fantasy….but dude this is reality…get a really hot gay man and keep him for yourself. There are many out there to go around if you really search. The dick of a straight man and that of a gay tastes the same. ???

  21. enny
    April 25, 07:18 Reply

    Well I wouldn’t say you are silly tho,I will just say you are obsessed,well receive sense

  22. Valentine
    May 01, 05:43 Reply

    Hmmm I do find my self also falling for straight guys ,its so fucked up

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