My Infamous Fuck Buddy

My Infamous Fuck Buddy

I still strongly believe a rehabilitation center aimed at helping and solving that issue should be created that’s IF you wanna turn STRAIGHT from being GAY…

How can a guy say he loves another guy? That is just weird and plain stupid…

I think it is mental disorder #IJS…

These were the comments I woke up to one morning. I felt a sharp stab in my heart, that feeling you get when you are in a mix of disappointment and resentment. I have seen lots of posts like this throughout my tour of cyberspace, but why does this hurt more? I couldn’t QWERTY my feelings like I have always done whenever I get to see such misguided and hate spewing posts.

Well, what exactly do you do when your first love and family friend decides to join the homophobic train? Nothing much, I suppose.

I remember the eventful way he ended what we had years ago.

It started with a light rasp on my door that dreadful evening; the knock that wasn’t exactly a knock, but he did it anyway as proper etiquette, and this turned out to be the Morse code I used to know he was the one at the door. I knew it in my heart that something was wrong the moment he came in. He had that ominous glare in his eyes, the same look he always had on whenever he was about to do or say something “serious”. That unstable movement of the eyes whenever he was trying to make a point, and the light tug at the ear to reiterate for emphasis.

“Why did you send me that kind of text?” he began his umbrage.

Yeah, about the text – “I miss you! I want to kiss you and suck your dick.”

I have never ever sent him a text throughout the duration of what I’d like to think of as our fuck buddy relationship. In fact, he always made the move; mostly every two days. Those days I always patiently waited for, because it was my chance to try to show how much I wanted to please him. Our kind of sex was mainly the naïve type off the early gay starter sex pack: touching, me sucking him off for a bit, and him rubbing his dick inside my butt crack till he came (at some point I never knew the dick could go into the ass and I when I finally did, I didn’t want to try it). This went on for as long as I could remember. He was for a fact the only one. Even when he started being the ultimate ladies’ man, with girls in the neighborhood going crazy for his swag and his teenage debonair, I still felt like the supreme one in the mix. Let him run around in his Cadillac, I am not worried because I know he’ll be back, I always told myself.

Then he changed when good things started happening to me. I got into school upon my first attempt without the usual hustle that characterized the fight for admissions to federal schools. I was the university guy at a very young age. I suddenly became the topic of the young admission-seeking community in the neighborhood, taking his shine and all that came with it. I still honestly believe that tilt in limelight enraged him and it took its toll on whatever you might want to tag our relationship.

He decided to punish me with what he knew I loved the most: The D.

I thought he was busy or something when I didn’t see him for a week.

And then, the week after that.

Then two months!

Then I sent THE TEXT which was going to be the end of the world.

“Why did you send me that kind of stupid text, eh?” he repeated.

I couldn’t answer. I wanted to, but I didn’t know what words to say in the face of his evident rage.

Then he released the bomb. “I am not gay o. Forget that thing we use to do, I am not gay. Shey you hear?” he said, pulling at the tip of his ear (ears I playfully bit when the going was good) to show the gravity of his warning. “If you are gay, don’t bring it and come my side. Go and find other gay people. If it is hard, I will find for you!”

In that moment, I felt like that cylindrical thingy that held the tissue roll in place that is finally thrown into the trash after the last roll of tissue paper has been used (Yes, I wasn’t fit to be called the tissue paper, at least that served a purpose). And when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, he promised to show my parents the text. The evil, lust-reeking text! This was when I had to start remembering to breathe because my body wasn’t doing it on its own anymore. I didn’t cry because my body at this point didn’t know what was going on. I was frozen at the point he turned and left me in the room.

He continued threatening me with the text for days, but my ego was too big to beg. No, I’m going to be made shittier than I already am, I told myself.

Then one day, I called his bluff. I went to him and told him, “My guy, if you wan show my popsy the text, make we go now because he dey house. Momsy dey sef.”

He said ok and followed behind me, saying nonsensical tripe as he followed. I wasn’t paying attention, because I was thinking of how my parents were going to take this truckload of rainbow colored can of worms. But I was determined to end this. I was tired of being unable to sleep at night, wondering about the text and if he would go ahead with his threat.

I was too deep in my reverie to notice he had stopped following me. I looked back to see him walking back to where he was previously. I laughed silently. He didn’t have the balls after all.

So when I saw these posts on Facebook presently, all these years later, I did well to hit the like button on all of them, knowing for sure that a mutual friend on my list is his new fuck buddy. Should I drop a hint in his comment box about knowing his new fuck mate or nah? I thought to myself.


Written By Ace

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  1. Pete
    January 09, 04:35 Reply

    Don’t we all have such insecure people?

    • Khristopher B!
      January 09, 07:31 Reply

      Internalized Homophobia… nothing as good as knowing yourself and appreciating your worth. Gay or not.

  2. Paul
    January 09, 05:22 Reply

    And mine was a married man!
    Till tomorrow, he is still confused.

  3. Dennis Macauley
    January 09, 06:07 Reply

    They abound everywhere!

    There was this prick that will crawl into my room in the university at night and then the following day will suggest we should go to confession together. I always ignored the confused idiot!

    We reconnected on facebook recently and he was like “do you still do that thing? You haven’t changed” and I ignored him. I shared a photo on IG that I tagged the location, so he saw I was in a lagos hotel and voila he suddenly wanted to come to my hotel “for old times sake”. I deleted/blocked his ass on all social media (pun intended).

    • trystham
      January 09, 07:18 Reply

      #sigh DUDE!!! When are we getting this diaries, memoirs or whatever??? Tidbits only go as far. Geez!!!

      • chestnut
        January 09, 07:38 Reply

        Come o, na true Dennis! This is 2015 and u promised us a series. What happened? I’ve been waiting for 9 days now!

      • Dennis Macauley
        January 09, 11:02 Reply

        No blame me! Its madam editrix PP and his editorial demands **sigh**

        PP is the kind of boss that you put a laxative in his coffee

        • pinkpanthertb
          January 09, 11:13 Reply

          Hahahahahahahahahaaa! Dennis, you wanna repeat that in my office?

      • Dennis Macauley
        January 09, 11:44 Reply

        ****big smile****

        Did you hear me say anything?


        Plenty Pun Intended

  4. simba
    January 09, 06:33 Reply

    Ouch, I remembered how after a quickie in de boarding school..the jerk came in the morning to ask me to explain wht we did.. Hmmmmmm after some pushing around and threats, I apologised but hid a rod beside my mattress the next night.. the jerk crawled onto me again in de night, but yes voila I got my revenge, I hit his head with de rod and raised an alarm HOMOooooooo,tht shook the hostel.. he was thoroughly embarrassed and later expelled.. I felt no quilty..

    • trystham
      January 09, 07:20 Reply

      I hope u signed up to head the hit squad. Wicked!!!

    • pinkpanthertb
      January 09, 07:25 Reply

      Hahahahahahaaa. Very on point, simba. Ohmygod i cant stop laughing

    • Deola
      January 09, 07:54 Reply

      Lawd…thats some wicked shit. Remind me never to cross you.

    • Ace
      January 09, 07:54 Reply

      Hahahaha evil!!!!!

    • Peak
      January 09, 10:57 Reply

      Lol!……….and hear I am always thinking u are a harmless bear who is all about sunshine, healthy living and world peace.

      • pinkpanthertb
        January 09, 11:11 Reply

        LMAO!!! I love this comment. World peace?! I swear I’m dead from laughter.

      • simba
        January 10, 03:47 Reply

        No dear, sorry for late reply.. dint have time to check on KD.. am not vindictive but think abt it,.. he was older and he is de one tht comes onto me.. but for whatever reasons he likes to embarrass me.. so I saw my chance of revenge and took it

  5. Max
    January 09, 06:54 Reply

    Lol… We’ve all had such people. That was how my first unofficial relationship ended.. Dude decided one day that he wasn’t interested anymore.. I tried everything to no avail.. Damaged the friendship… Was terrible.

    • Dennis Macauley
      January 09, 07:06 Reply

      Shebi u see why I directed you to that “man of god”, he would have helped you find this bf that you losted!

      • Max
        January 09, 07:45 Reply

        Hahahahahaha… I’m not looking for him..

  6. KryxxX
    January 09, 07:16 Reply

    Hmmn! I was so touched reading this cos it took me back to my own experience.

    He was older nd more experienced while I was young, naive nd in love(sadly, am still in love wit him). Things were going on fine until he became distant for a long period. Messages went unreplied, “I miss u” came with “thank you”, calls were rarely pick. Suddenly out of the blues, my guy man sent me a FACEBOOK message that he doesn’t play for d “other side” anymore nd he is turning straight but we could still b friends! I died!

    When I hear some idiots saying they can’t imagine a man loving another man, I feel like slapping them into Afghanistan! I loved nd still love my ex nd it is not sex! I can’t even bring myself to feel for another, have sex or even love another! Love is of d mind nd emotions, it shouldn’t all b connected to sex! Caged mindset!

    • Ace
      January 09, 07:57 Reply

      This comment sums up a lot of things unwritten with this story. The feeling just doesn’t go away totally. And their denial is ultimate jawbreaker.

  7. chestnut
    January 09, 07:31 Reply

    I will never understand people who shamelessly seek out sex with men, then once they ejaculate,they start blaming u and shouting “I’m not gay”…and they do this dance over and over again. How many times do u have to have consensual sexual contact with a man b4 u realise/admit u’re gay? Ok,scratch that; u don’t even have to say the words if u’re not yet ready to,but do u have to keep proclaiming u’re not gay,and blaming the person u sought out and had sex with?
    I just started watchind “Scandal” last nyte (I want my LASTMA jacket in aquamarine blue,lol), and the first episode had this gay soldier who didn’t want the world to know he was gay (even though that was d only way to prove his innocence in a murder investigation. He was ready to go to life imprionment for a crime he didn’t commit!). Why was he so hell-bent on hiding his sexuality? Because he was “publicly ANTI-GAY”,giving speeches here and there…A MESS! Smh

      • Max
        January 09, 07:50 Reply

        They think the more they denounce it, the better chance they have at fighting it.. That’s their psyche..

    • Absalom
      January 09, 07:45 Reply

      Chestnut, don’t worry about that LASTMA jacket; you’re not alone. I only started watching Scandal two weeks ago. Finished Episode 9 of Season 4 two nights ago.

      • Max
        January 09, 07:52 Reply

        Hahahahaha @Absalom, jobless much??
        I’ve been @ season 3 since December… Not my usual pace of watching, but when you get back at night, you’ll just fall on d bed like a rock.

  8. Chizzie
    January 09, 07:43 Reply

    I think everyone goes through this stage of suddenly not wanting to be gay anymore and finding what you do disgusting. its like that Black Swan movie…the struggle with the good and evil side of one’s self…and as the movie aptly put it-the evil side always wins. Evil in this case being relative

    soon your conscience doesn’t nag you as much and the guilt doesn’t seem as rational, and slowly you realize its pointless to struggle and you concede.

    PS : read this while listening to the National’s Fireproof for dramatic effect

    • chestnut
      January 09, 08:01 Reply

      Funny enough, I never had that phase (maybe because I started “practising” as a 24 year old adult who already knew himself?). B4 I ever practised though, I did d whole “praying-the-gay-away” thing…but when I met my first guy, I just told myself :”this is who I am. I’ve been this way forever and can never turn heterosexual, so I won’t even deceive myself. The only thing I owe myself is to try and live a relatively responsible life, while at it.”

      • pinkpanthertb
        January 09, 08:07 Reply

        I started indulging my gayness at a much earlier age. And i never once went thru this phase. I tortured myself with guilt, yes. But projecting my self denial outwardly? Nuh uh!

      • Max
        January 09, 08:15 Reply

        I felt sheer guilt, but never purported self denial.

      • trystham
        January 09, 08:51 Reply

        Abi. Much as I’d Overdosed on hetero porn, the minute I knew there was a name for it, I wanted to be it. That wasn’t until I was 22 tho. And to the girl everyone in my set thot I was tripping for, I really loved you…with the love of the Lord of course.

      • Dennis Macauley
        January 09, 11:47 Reply

        @trystham till now I still don’t like gay porn. I have a few on my hard drive but I rarely watch it. I still prefer straight porn, usually interracial with some punishment involved

      • Brian Collins
        January 09, 12:46 Reply

        Bia, Dennis Macauley you and i need to talk o. With this Christian Grey vibe you are giving. I may have a thing or two for you o.

  9. Pearle
    January 09, 07:52 Reply

    As disgusting as it is for people to act this way, a bunch of them are just grossly miseducated. Some of us here are where we are today because we’ve made considerable efforts to furnish our brains with a lot pieces and thus questioned our so-called ‘societal norms’, it takes accepting yourself, loving yourself and being yourself (not putting it in people’s faces though) to get past that confused state of mind, it doesn’t help when they’re sorrunded by people who they feel they owe an obligation or validation services to.

  10. Lothario
    January 09, 08:54 Reply

    Confused dudes abound everywhere….. you just have to learn to ignore them.

    My first and second boyfriends still want to hang with me occasionally but develop sudden amnesia when I ask ‘What exactly will we be doing? ‘.

    Don’t sweat it, this happens almost Every time….. bloody idiots!

  11. Khaleesi
    January 09, 09:28 Reply

    I feel a deep sense of pity for persons so deeply eaten up by internalized homophobia. It must be a hellish ruckus going on in their heads, they love to be with men yet they hate that they love to be with men, its an endless vicious and destructive cycle – good luck to them!
    I place too much value as well as a high premium on myself to spend any of my precious time and energy on such people, they really aren’t worth it! The moment i detect any traces of such in any person i am involved with, no matter the depth/intensity of our emotional attachment, its over – life is too short for such crap!

  12. gad
    January 09, 10:17 Reply

    By daring your fuck buddy you unconsciously applied one of the antidotes against blackmailers. They always expect you to be broken and on your kneels begging but the slightest spring of resistance dislodges them . I hope we will all learn from this

  13. #TeamKizito
    January 09, 11:15 Reply


    I am not gay (again) oh. Pastor TB touched me, he dipped me in a pool full of straight men! You should book an appointment with the anointed ‘Man of God’.

    Oshi & spices.

    • Brian Collins
      January 09, 12:50 Reply

      Anytime kizito says anything other than Hmmm, i am always very pleased. He definitely makes his comments worthwhile.

  14. Brian Collins
    January 09, 13:11 Reply

    Atleast the guy wasn’t preaching to you.
    My experience was with an older fairly good looking guy (i was a lot younger then) who lived on Igando road i think. Dude invited me to his place and being bored and wanting to get some action i went. Nice looking apartment and all, welcomed me with a hand shake, offered me a drink and while i was drinking, watching tv, he moved to where i was sitting and said he wanted to welcome me properly and kissed me o. Next thing, clothes were coming off and we were on each other. I ended up sucking him to completion. After putting clothes on, he says to go to the sitting room and the the preaching starts. This dumb ass dude starts telling me how i am a budding young star and how being gay could destroy my life. That i am too young to be doing something like that and that God doesn’t want something like that. And this was the came guy who just used my mouth for his pleasure (not that i didn’t like it). I wanted to just break his balls. Don’t get me wrong i am a christian and very involved in church (at home and in school) and i love God, but i am of the opinion that you don’t mix sexuality and stuff with God. At that same party i went in PH recently, someone actually prayed a fervent prayer before the debauchery began. I was mortified. It is like a Pastor saying “sister, come have sex with me so you can partake in my wonderful anointing”. That really is why i don’t talk about the issues of religion and sexuality.

    • Ace
      January 09, 13:24 Reply

      Hahahaha, your two experiences are as shocking as they are funny. The preaching guys just make me want to shoot their brains out! Preaching to me after fucking… Ignoramus.

    • Dee
      January 09, 13:34 Reply

      And that’s why my first question to any “just finding out myself guy” is “have you come to the realisation of the fact that you love men?” cos after my own episode of “loving me now hating me later” It stung too much to ever want to experience that Shii ever again. As regards internalised homophobia let em continue till they start getting a dose of their medicine.

  15. Mr Kassy
    January 09, 13:22 Reply

    The many agonies of self acceptance*smh*it wasn’t easy for me at all.At a point I was made to confess in front of a whole pentecostal church at Owerri(OVERCOMERS CHRISTIAN MISSiON)you need to see how the Bishop condemned me omg!Alexander Ekewuba…,*surbs*it wasn’t easy guys.They even conducted a 3days deliverance on me but who sigh! I was even GAYER after the so-called deliverance session.

    • Ace
      January 09, 17:16 Reply

      The whole church! Oh God! I for don die since

  16. Lord II
    January 09, 14:06 Reply

    Was so thrilled by this lovely piece. Ace once again you have aced!. Was glad for you when he lagged behind and rescinded his decsion..phew..that must have been a relief.

    Backbelle people no go prosper…!

    • Ace
      January 09, 17:17 Reply

      Thanks. It was indeed a huge relief.

  17. Vhar.
    January 09, 15:41 Reply

    Good Evening.

    Did you get my last mail?

  18. Handsomely Inclined
    January 09, 20:07 Reply

    @Ace,I thought we are best of friends?how come I never got to know about this…i didn’t know it was you who wrote this until I checked the name only to see your name…..see the shock in my eyes…

    Its like someone is cheating on me

    *Munching my cucumber *

  19. michael
    January 09, 21:02 Reply

    when i first had sex as a fourteen year old boy, I didn’t no what I was doing back then. after I was shipped off to a single sex boarding, well… I got brushed up. today, me and first are still great friends….

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