My Romance With The Bad Side

Bad boys. They’re the villains, the bad guys in the movies you watch. The Boss, as Nigerians generally call them. The guys who are evil and want everyone dead. The one who wants to marry the princess, even though she is destined to be with the prince. The one who everyone watching the movie hates and wants dead. Every movie has a bad guy, sometimes in the subtlest ways. He might be the good guy who everyone loves until he probably didn’t get the girl or the gold or something awfully important to him, and then he decides no one deserves happiness or no one deserves to live.

I have a thing for villains, sometimes even the wickedest of them all. There’s just something about them that tickles my fancy. The coldness of the stare, the sheer wickedness of the laugh, the ruthlessness of the mien – just about everything that makes them evil works for me. Some villains are hot in a devilish I-am-coming-for-you sort of way, while some are not. Whichever is the case, I really don’t care.

I just love bad boys.

In fact, there are some movies in which the villain isn’t even human, and I still find myself attracted to such a being. For instance, in the film, Guardians of the Galaxy – the evil alien who was hell-bent on destroying every planet looked sexy to me. The part that excited me was when he was going through the ritual of dressing up. When they poured some strange goo on his body and then he put on his armour and crown, I was like, ‘Dayum! Such hotness!’

Even the scariest joker out of all jokers produced by the Batman franchise makes my heart jump. And then, there’s the original Disney version of Beauty and the Beast. I found that beast sexy as hell. The way he was all over Belle was incredibly enticing. I remember thinking to myself, ‘You don’t have to go through such elaborate schemes to make me fall in love with you, papi.’ And then, when he turned into a dashing prince, I was like ‘Urrgghh, please!’

I suppose that makes me weird.

Over the years, I have realised some very interesting and vital things about myself. I am not into good looks. I don’t like your average good-looking guy who has everyone drooling over him. Even though I won’t mind having some me time with such hotties, they are not really what get me going. Odd little things attract me to a person.

Even drawings of bad guys are really attractive. I have a very creative and vivid imagination. Which is why my friends tell my mind is a mess. The things I imagine can’t be said out loud. My biggest rule or guideline is: ‘Whatever happens in my dream stays in my dream’. I can’t share a dream I had in the night with anyone, because by the time I am halfway through, the person would be looking at me like, ‘What kind of messed up kid are you?’

My biggest crush of all is none other than the hottest bad/good guy of the ancient world: God of War. This guy makes my heart beat like crazy. I just imagine those huge tattooed arms grabbing me and squeezing me into the throes of crazy lovemaking. I love the evil in him. The way he kills, the way his arms moves, the way his eyes are full of so much anger. His sheer bloodlust sets my engines afire.

I am IN LOVE!

The way I keep going on and on about these hot bad guys, one would think I get laid often. But the opposite is the case. It’s not that I don’t get offers; believe me, I do. But the thing is, I am this kind of person who believes in having just one person. One person who will stick with you for a reasonable amount of time, and not just a 2-or-3-month affair. This is what keeps me from getting laid.

Oh, this here is now to the God of War – wherever you are, just know that someone in the real world has a huge crush on you. And uh, I hope you are as big as you look.

Written by Tyler Davis