Random Questions: What’s Your Deal Breaker?

Random Questions: What’s Your Deal Breaker?

Growing up and understanding the existence of gay relationships, I always believed there were things relationships don’t just come back from.

And cheating was chief among them. I thought everyone believed like I did – that a partner who strays is a partner who should be dumped.

But then, I got older and began to meet other gay people who startled me out of this conviction. People who actually wouldn’t cancel their relationships simply because their partner stepped out. And they had varying reasons for this.

But we would like to learn from y’all. Is cheating a relationship deal breaker for you? Yes or no, what are your reasons for your answer?

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  1. Omiete
    July 20, 07:15 Reply

    Yes cheating is a big deal breaker because people just don’t step out like that there’s always a deeper reason. It can be said that it’s just sex and I know that sex can be just physical devoid of feelings but question is how did I find out? Did he tell me or did I casually find out on my own or did the lover get all in my face at the ball. Was I not enough for him? Did he do this because he is unsatisfied? or because he is just a sex freak. How long will he do this? Will he continue to do this? What if he catches feelings for someone else? Basically there’s a very thin line between someone cheating and outright disrespect, a very thin line and I just can’t deal

  2. Mandy
    July 20, 08:54 Reply

    Not an automatic deal breaker for me. There’s a second chance available for the partner that cheats on me. But again, it also depends on the context of the cheating. A fleeting hookup will not make me break up with him. But a prolonged affair, that is, flirtation in chats before a very predetermined hookup will make me consider ending the relationship.

  3. Charity
    July 20, 09:20 Reply

    Cheating? It depends on how close i am with the person. You’ve had people tell their partners asking for permission…sounds funny but I like to know what you do and the motive. Some cheating can be just for the sex while some are a result of emotions. The latter is what I can take.

    • Delle
      July 20, 12:16 Reply

      I’m pretty sure you meant ‘can’t take’

  4. Kenny
    July 20, 09:34 Reply

    Everything Mandy said, plus we can choose to then make the relationship open with full disclosure, honesty, and understanding in the mix. Maybe even have a 3some if either of us finds someone we both find attractive.. Of course all of these will be with no strings.

  5. Black Dynasty
    July 20, 10:06 Reply

    It would be an automatic deal breaker 9 out of 10 times for me. The 1 time where it may not be an automatic deal breaker would be where it was a 1 time mistake…i.e. the person he cheated with came on to him when he was compromised (drunk, high etc). Also, did he tell me he fucked up or i heard it from someone else?

    Being a demisexual; respect, trust and absolute honesty (even when it’ll hurt my feelings) are a key part of the emotional connection and thus attraction to the dude. Fuck those up and it’ll be hard to come back from that… then again, the sort of life we’ve built together might be a factor. E.g. is this 1yr into a rship or is this 15 years down the line with kids, bought houses together?

  6. Delle
    July 20, 12:15 Reply

    Cheating isn’t a deal breaker for me. At least, not if it’s a one-off thing. However, repeated cheating, deliberate serial cheating is though.

    I won’t break up with my boyfriend if he slips because slipping is part of what makes us human but of course it’s enough to rattle me up, and set some stringent rules. It will be pretty difficult to regain the trust our relationship is supposed to be built on, so he’ll have to work harder at getting it back (I’m sensitive like that). I can’t lie that during this period of ‘penance’, if he’s been very judicious, I just may love him more (won’t show it though. You don’t want him slacking?).

    Also, did he come to me with his cheating tale or did I find out myself? Who did he cheat on me with? These could influence my final decision as well.

    That said, cheating isn’t the only thing that could bring my relationship to a halt. I hate a man who deliberately does things to provoke me knowing how sensitive I am and calls it ‘all a joke’. That thing annoys me to the heavens and back and I will not be able to keep dealing a long time.

  7. Aimenoir
    July 20, 18:05 Reply

    Hi. Better first make sure what cheating means. Where does it start. At just putting/receiving pics one’s dick in one’s ass? or mouth? Or entertaining a secret relation with someone else ? or ceasing to get attracted, to desire, feeling bored … even if nothing sexual happens ?

  8. trystham
    July 20, 20:54 Reply

    Depends on the kinda relationship. I wouldn’t call ‘fucking someone else’ cheating in an open relationship. It comes with the territory, full disclosure or not.
    Exclusives are another matter entirely. Since it is built on trust (MY TRUST), anything that would break it, breaks the relationship. The questions Omiete asks don’t begin to describe what would be running thru my mind every time

  9. Sens8
    July 21, 08:34 Reply

    My deal breaker would be dishonesty. With all sincerity, I wouldn’t mind my boyfriend shagging other guys.

    I’d be pissed if he didn’t tell me about it, down to the last salacious detail???.

    • Malik
      July 21, 17:19 Reply

      What you said. Can’t deal with dishonesty. I also wouldn’t date someone who’s complacent about life, who doesn’t work hard, or whose values don’t align with mine. I can’t deal with someone who’s loud, uncouth and/or disrespectful. And if (Beyoncé forbid) I discover these traits when I’m already in, I’m politely sliding out.

      Cheating is forgivable, especially when he tells me himself. But showing signs that he’s no longer interested in me, or that I now bore, annoy or disgust him will make me pack the bags of my heart and flee.

  10. Lyanna
    July 21, 22:23 Reply

    Cheating breaks the deal for me.

  11. KingBey
    July 22, 04:49 Reply

    If you aren’t married to him or at least, engaged, how is it defined as cheating? Y’all are fornicating anyways! ???

  12. DBS
    July 22, 08:41 Reply

    Black Dynasty says it all for me. It is a deal breaker for me except she was raped in a certain circumstances. The connections I build with someone requires absolute honesty and trust. And no, it doesn’t come back, twice.

  13. Temi
    July 23, 03:40 Reply

    Hmm I can’t stand sharing someone I’m in love with o…. If we’ve both declared love for each other and I get to find out he’s seeing someone else it’s an automatic deal breaker.

  14. J
    July 24, 00:42 Reply

    Yes because I won’t cheat and I don’t want to be cheated on. Whenever I’m in a relationship, I stick to that person and I want the same. If you’re not willing to stay faithful and committed, then I’m wishing you good luck in your endeavors. I’m very overprotective of myself and my partner, sharing is not caring when it comes to sex and commitment in a relationship.

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