The Potholes In Bisi Alimi’s Claim Of Sexual Abuse

The Potholes In Bisi Alimi’s Claim Of Sexual Abuse

When I first read Bisi Alimi’s narration of his experience with sexual misconduct, one thing was clear: the intention was altruistic in trying to encourage others to speak up about their own sexual harassment and not suffer in silence. But as someone mentioned in the comments section, it was poorly written and leaves plenty of room for guessing. More importantly, it blurs the very thin line between altruism and self-servitude.

For a traumatic event such as this to be made public, I believe it has to be veracious, leaving little or no room for doubt and withstand any form of scrutiny.

The victim has said he and the “predator” had “a complicated back story”. He did not elaborate on the nature of said back story, leaving room to assume that it might have involved rebuffed sexual advances or a prior consensual sexual encounter between both parties, in both cases giving the predator the idea that he can try again or tap it one more (Think Okafor’s Law).

We can draw from the narrative that the childhood friend (CF) is a Nigerian and that his husband (or ex-husband, as Bisi suggests) is white and possibly – but not necessarily significantly – older, and also more than likely in a better economic position than CF. It is not for us to pass judgment on the marriage, as the dynamics of a marriage are whatever makes a couple happy. So who is to say that they are not in some form of open marriage, whereby CF procures younger men for his husband? As such, there is a possibility that CF may have set the victim up.

In 2014, the victim was couch-surfing as he was homeless, but somehow he was able to buy an airplane ticket to Switzerland. OK, granted, CF could have paid for the ticket for him to visit, but is this how his kindness is paid back? When the tsunami of this sexual harassment and abuse cases started and it triggered Bisi’s suppressed memories of what happened, the right thing to do, in my humble opinion, would’ve been to call CF and tell him what happened, rather than letting him find out in a public forum? Or at the very least don’t put clues in the narrative that could easily let anyone decipher the identity of CF and his husband in about ten clicks on the internet. This makes his claim (twice) in the narrative that he means nothing malicious seem a bit spurious.

I know these days, it is normal for seemingly upwardly mobile couples to communicate with – and gush effusively to – each other via social media, possibly to show the world that they are very much in love. But I speak for only myself when I say, as a Nigerian gay man, if the Almighty blessed me with a significant other and we stood up in front of all and sundry and vowed to hold and cherish each other, I would first tell him of my traumatic sexual harassment episode face to face, before announcing it on social media.

But that is just me, and like I said, it is not for us to judge the type of marriage people have.

The rest of the narrative is highly likely, but the first incident casts a shadow on its veracity mainly for the reasons I have stated above.

I wish sexual harassment didn’t exist in any form and that it wasn’t the latest Cause Célèbre. Unfortunately despite the number of followers we have on our social media accounts and hundreds of likes and reshares garnered on our posts, we are not all celebrities. We don’t have to have the same experiences as the aggrieved to be seen to be in support of the cause, all the time.  There is a growing weariness in some quarters regarding the daily revelations of sexual harassment cases. So when a new one comes up, there is a strong need for the accusation to be credible and not have a whiff of bandwagonism.

Written by Oracle

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  1. Mandy
    November 15, 05:37 Reply

    ??? This dude totally went there! DAMN!
    To be honest, I kinda agree with you. Bisi’s narrative left way too much to be desired. I wanted to feel empathy for him, but I couldn’t get over how cheesy and meh his story was. Look at Lupita Nyong’o’s account of her sexual abuse experience for instance. She was so detailed, you found yourself living her experience and believing her. Bisi just glossed over this as if he was gisting it to us in some WhatsApp group. And perhaps if he’d brought it up way back during the time all this scandal started, the potholed story might have been overlooked. But at this point, when we’ve all become jaded with the stories coming out everywhere, you have to make us believe you aren’t just jumping into the bandwagon and or telling a story just for relevance.

    And honestly, that story was cheesy as fuck.

  2. Ken George
    November 15, 06:08 Reply

    Cool down with the big big grammar biko. Lol

    • Malik
      November 15, 11:10 Reply

      Oracle, don’t mind him jare. I dey gbadun your grammer. I don compile list of new words wey I wan google ASAP:

      If you have more, please do use them in your subsequent articles.

      • Ken George
        November 15, 22:24 Reply

        Choi…see efiko on steroids. Na these ones de cry for test for sec sch that year, till teacher give dem d test and na dem go carry last. Lol

  3. Perekule
    November 15, 07:03 Reply

    Bisi’s narrative is sabotaged by his admission of a complicated past with the alleged abuser. That sort of unsolicited admission would have blown Rose McGowan’s solid case against Weinstein to smithereens. It potentially erases the credibility of victims and empowers abusers. Bisi’s activism and visibility (which I support entirely) aren’t enough to validate his version of events. I believe abuse victims should speak boldly and without fear of repercussions so abusers are held accountable for their crimes. However, there are self evident truths which even incoherent storytelling cannot mask. Those truths are clearly non-existent in Bisi’s narrative.

  4. quinn
    November 15, 07:16 Reply

    Glad someone eventually wrote something on this, the whole story didn’t sit well with me, still I stand against any form of abuse

  5. Malik
    November 15, 11:13 Reply

    But really, you’ve written this well. I hope Bisi Alimi gets to read this.

  6. CHUCK
    November 15, 11:19 Reply

    Look at this one. How many victims are alllowed to tell their stories at a time, Mr. WEARY of harassment stories? The number of stories coming out at once is an indictment of people like you. Your dismissal of victims that come forward, your insinuation that they are fame chasers and liars, enables harassers.

    Why can’t you address Bisi’s story on its own merits?

    By the way, even if Bisi had fucked Luzern husband in the past, he decided to leave the house because he felt that Mr. Luzern wasn’t going to wait for consent ( as demonstrated by the groping). Consent is KEY.

    There is no vice, no crime that y’all won’t defend on this blog. Prostitution, corruption, MGM, now sexual harassment. One Gideon will sha arise to throw off the yoke of decency and lead harassers to safety. Na wa!

    • pete
      November 15, 17:26 Reply

      MGM is now a crime/vice?

        • pete
          November 16, 07:33 Reply

          Being MGM doesn’t equate to a cheating partner.

          • trystham
            November 16, 22:55 Reply

            It doesn’t? I laugh in multi-layered deception

            • pete
              November 17, 07:29 Reply

              By your logic, every gay man cheats even those in committed relationships. Commitment issue is not a function of sexuality.

              • Chuck
                November 17, 14:48 Reply

                What logic sir? MGM = Married gay man. Since gay marriage is not allowed, if you’re married and a gay man, you are married to a woman and you are gay. Unless you are celibate, you are fucking men, i.e. cheating on said wife.

                • pete
                  November 17, 15:44 Reply

                  Being gay is not about the sex. It goes beyond that. A gay man could be married to a woman and is faithful to her. The feelings for men is there but he chose not to act on it. There are people like that. The generalisation here is unbecoming.

    • Pankar
      November 15, 19:41 Reply

      Don’t fret Chuck, its not KD and those other things you said, its the anti bisi group. We know them.

  7. Jon Snow
    November 15, 14:08 Reply

    They it’s better to shut up and be thought stupid than to speak up and remove all doubt.

    Beautiful write up by the way…Harvey Weinstein approves ?

  8. himbo
    November 15, 18:44 Reply

    I was more offdended that someone thought him good-looking enough to assault.

  9. Victor Ukpa
    November 15, 20:24 Reply

    Bisi Alimi all of a sudden is now a messiah… just so all of you know, that viral porn of some gay boys in Nigeria was shot by this Same Bisi Alimi. He misled those boys and fed them to the dogs. Countless of underaged boys he pimped those days to older men without counseling them about safe sex…

    • Arabian Princess
      November 17, 16:51 Reply

      bros. you have no right to call anybody out here…is this not the same person that was accused of releasing #owode40’s HIV status to Linda Ikeji..
      boy bye…

  10. Pankar
    November 16, 00:17 Reply

    “Don’t fret Chuck, its not KD and those other things you said, its the anti bisi group. We know them”

    I told you Chuck.

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