The Straight Guy Who Freaked Out After Accidentally Visiting Gay Bathhouse

The Straight Guy Who Freaked Out After Accidentally Visiting Gay Bathhouse

“First off, I am happily married with a kid, and I’m completely naive,” begins one overcompensating Reddit user in a post filed in the “Today I Fucked Up” forum.

The anonymous family man’s chosen handle should be enough to tell where this story is headed — “not-gay-throwaway.”

So how exactly did he “fuck up?”

“I have back problems. Once and a while it gets really bad and sometimes the only way to relieve my pain is by using a Jacuzzi. I don’t own one. It was really killing me today. So I looked around for a spa with a Jacuzzi. I find one.”

Who doesn’t enjoy a nice rejuvenating soak? Innocent enough.

“Go in pay the money. Everything seems cool. Take off my clothes, put a towel around my waist, wash and get in the Jacuzzi. I’m feeling relaxed, and back is feeling much better. I decide to have a look around. There’s a sauna room. It’s completely dark, but I think, ‘Hey. I hate bright lights when I’m trying to relax.’”

You know who else hates bright lights? People hooking up in public spaces. Like a bathhouse. But OK, if he’s really as naive as he says he is, we’re going to give him the benefit of the doubt.

“So I go into the sauna because I love the heat. Big mistake. It was dark for a reason. Some dude is giving another dude a blowjob while another guy was watching.”

And here’s where things starts to derail. OK, so you’ve found yourself in a gay bathhouse — we can certainly see how that would be a bit alarming. He does (or at least he says he does) what you’d next expect — foregoes a shower and hightails it out of there.

But what should have been the end of the story only to become a punchline after a few drinks is only the beginning.

Riddled with guilt, not-gay-throwaway doesn’t know how to cope with what he’s done. Which, if we’re keeping score by his record, is absolutely nothing.

He writes, “I’m all freaked out now. My family would probably disown me if there was even a rumor that I went into a gay bathhouse while being married. My face is on all the cameras outside the building. I don’t think I’ll ever tell my wife. But I’m worried one day that a picture will show up somewhere of me going into a gay bathhouse.”

Seems to us like maybe not-gay is worrying a little too much about this. If it were really as honest a mistake as he reports, what’s all this talk of being disowned? It sounds like this spa wasn’t necessarily a gay bathhouse, but more like a cruising ground, and so what if he mistakenly stumbled into it for a few brief moments? Anything else you’d like to get off your chest, not-gay?

Following the advice he got on Reddit, he eventually did tell his wife, who of course did not disown him. She wasn’t even upset (duh), and actually made a joke of the situation, asking him, “Did anyone have a better looking butt than me?”

So what is this — legitimate worry of giving the wifey the wrong impression? Or is he more worried about giving himself the wrong impression?


Previous That Piece About The Shag-fish
Next SUITS AND TIES (Part 4)

About author

You might also like

The Happenings 5 Comments

Netflix’s ‘Dance Of The 41’ Tells The Story Of Mexico’s Biggest Gay Scandal

The new Netflix film, Dance of the 41, tells the tragic true story behind one of the biggest gay scandals in Mexican history. Dance of the 41 showcases a night

The Happenings 9 Comments

Andrew Garfield and Ryan Reynolds lock lips at the Golden Globes

Ryan Reynolds didn’t win a Golden Globe for his performance as Deadpool, but he seems to be taking it pretty well. He had been nominated for the award for Best

The Happenings 4 Comments

Grindr Is Back … And Most Gay Nigerians Are Over It

So, contrary to what some panicked gay Nigerians began running with after Grindr went offline a few days ago, this was not the making of the Nigerian government. After several


  1. lluvmua
    February 27, 05:47 Reply

    Bla bla bla ok next……. yah first

  2. KingBey
    February 27, 06:01 Reply

    Attention-seeking-bicurios-bitch !!!

  3. KryxxX
    February 27, 06:02 Reply

    Y do I have this feeling that brother tried to feed his hungry curiosity! Isn’t there a sign or something? Am sure something was indicated somewhere.

    If it was truly a honest mistake, y d whole fuss about telling the wifey? This guy eh, me no just code am cha cha *odu anya mode activated*.

    • chestnut
      February 27, 06:14 Reply

      Lol…he probably noticed all the cameras only when he was leaving, and he became too flustered to think of turning the story into a joke with his wife and friends.

  4. poshyydude
    February 27, 06:04 Reply

    I dunno about this one but I guess all he had to do was leave the place and happily tell his wife of the ordeal or was he starting to question is sexuality???

  5. chestnut
    February 27, 06:10 Reply

    The dudes story doesn’t make any sense. I know a lot of straight guys who would “gist” anyone and everyone that cared to listen, about the “mind-boggling” experience,if they unwittingly find themselves in a gay-related situation – that they took no part in…another opportunity to re-affirm their straightness and bewilderment about how a guy can be attracted to his fellow men when their are “plenty of sweet girls with sweet curves and sweet pussies everywhere”
    This reddit user’s story isn’t clear to me at all.

  6. Dennis Macauley
    February 27, 06:16 Reply

    Something about this story doesnt sit well with me but (being the Nice person that I am) I will still give himnthe benefit of the doubt.

    It is very possible anyway? If you are old like me then you must have seen Cuba Gooding Jr in Boat Trip, hilarious movie with a theme similar to this.

    ****plugs in Korede bello and sings along****

  7. A-non
    February 27, 06:23 Reply

    Akuko ifo!

    Ka opuo!

    O ga apu!

  8. Max
    February 27, 06:33 Reply

    Maybe he got a bj there and he loved it.
    You’ll never feel guilty unless you’ve done something consciously.

  9. Pete
    February 27, 06:34 Reply

    It could be just what he said

    • Absalom
      February 27, 06:42 Reply


      You can feel guilty about something not because you did anything but because you’re scared people will think you did.

      Nothing to disbelieve here.

      • MacArdry
        February 27, 07:20 Reply

        And if he has,say,political ambition,things might get really awkward if there were pics of him leaving the bathhouse.
        A believable story,yes

  10. Oluwadamilare Okoro
    February 27, 06:47 Reply


    I need a bathhouse in Nigeria here (Not necessarily a gay one)… errmmmmm I only need it for those occasions when Phcn becomes d dick that they truly are and don’t give me power for days; water cannot be pumped and of course i do need a bath! Hehehehe

    • Mercury
      February 27, 06:54 Reply

      Yeah really, that’s y u need a bath house.

  11. Mercury
    February 27, 06:55 Reply

    Much ado about nothing….the guy should rest abeg.

  12. Mitch
    February 27, 07:52 Reply

    His fear was irrational! He should go and take several seats abeg

  13. Gad
    February 27, 09:03 Reply

    Sense and sensibility

  14. tobby
    February 27, 09:10 Reply

    Of course to gay guys it could never be a honest mistake.. Everyone has to be gay, bi or at least curious..

    My eyes are about to pop out

  15. Chris
    February 27, 10:11 Reply

    Straight as an arrow dudes wont worry their heads about such, well accidental occurence.

  16. kendigin
    February 27, 12:46 Reply

    If you are gay and you havent visited a bath house i have to say you have missed a lot.
    I visited one in SA just around the time i was beginning to come to terms with my sexuality….lets just say, when i came out i had no doubt whatsoever that i was gay.
    Honestly, your most hardcore porn doesnt come close to my experience. Lool

    • posh666
      February 27, 16:48 Reply

      Wow dou i know d lifestyle is legalized in SA but didnt know d place was so fun av olwaiz imagined dat beautiful day i will visit my 1st bathhouse ever!

  17. enigmous
    February 27, 23:23 Reply

    I’ll pass abeg. Bath houses are not for me. I like to rewind, select and update what I feed my eyes and not just any random feed.

Leave a Reply