WHAT ABOUT THE BOYFRIEND?

WHAT ABOUT THE BOYFRIEND?

I was minding my business like the good Christian that I am, when my friend called me up to tell me that gist was flowing on Twitter about a certain crush of mine, and that it was making the rounds in Lagos gay social media groups. I am not on twitter; there is a certain rabid energy that is needed to survive in that place and I do not have it. But, this crush of mine (let’s call him Sidney) is a very fine Yoruba somebody, so I decided to get dibs on the gist.

Turned out the story is one as old as time: a man cheats on his partner and instead of his partner confronting him, the partner vindictively seeks out the other person.

The other person in this case was my Sidney, and the offended partner decided to use social media as a platform to call him out. The call out was distasteful for a number of reasons.

I’m sure a lot of you must already know this gist, but for the benefit of those who don’t, here’s how it went down:  Sidney posted a picture of himself, asking people to say what they think of or remember when they see his picture (you must forgive him for this narcissistic action, but the bobo is hot like that).

In response to this call, a person (whom I will hereafter refer to as Offended Boyfriend [OB]) retweet-commented on the picture, saying something about how whenever he sees Sidney’s face, he regrets the time he allowed Sidney into his life.

Why is this, you ask.

Well, apparently, OB invited Sidney to a party, and at the party, Sidney made out with OB’s boyfriend. When OB got to know and brought this to Sidney’s notice, Sidney claimed he did not know that the guy he made out with was OB’s boyfriend, and then he apologized.

Then, like a soap opera episode, after a while, Sidney was invited to OB’s house by OB’s boyfriend to “do stuff”. OB found out and was mad about it. And he decided to call Sidney out on twitter. It was wild. Everyone was texting about it. The drama was everywhere on the Nigerian gay cyberspace. Eventually, Sidney had to explain inside a group he belongs to that when he visited OB’s boyfriend, they only made out – as if that would somehow reduce the severity of the infidelity claim.

Anyhow, I found the whole affair annoying and unduly unfair to Sidney for a number of reasons.

The culture of infantilizing men is an age-long one. Men are always the blameless ones in adulterous affairs, and when they are caught philandering, the woman is always pressured to forgive them. They are the innocents, seduced by the Jezebels, the Delilahs and the Eves of this world. They are the ones whose possession is hinged on prayer meetings like “Deliverance of the Husband” and “Keeping Your Marriage”, even though they never attend such meetings.

I can understand how the larger society subscribes to such patriarchal bullshit – but queer men playing that same card?

Hell NO!

In my opinion, the preserving of the sanctity of a relationship is the purview of the people in the relationship. Period! Nobody forces you to enter a relationship. You are an adult who’d get into one, knowing the pros and cons. And if it is a monogamous relationship, you decide to share your body autonomy on your own accord. When something breaches the agreement you have in your relationship, you go back to the person you drafted the agreement with and face them squarely.

You do not use that hurtful energy to attack the other person!

Regardless of the “friendship” between OB and Sidney, OB had no business calling Sidney out like he did. In everything that I read regarding that drama, not once did I see the name of the erring boyfriend mentioned. He was protected, in a safe bubble, while OB and Sidney slugged it out on these streets.

An even darker question popped up in my mind immediately I saw the tweet: Did OB just out Sidney on Twitter? I am not familiar with Sidney’s Twitter activity, but I could not rule out that possibility. Nobody more than queer men know the power of homophobia. Think queer men who kito others. Think queer activists who out others simply because they were called out on their bullshit. To imagine that OB would harness the very evil that we all fear against Sidney was heartbreaking.

And even if he did not, the smear campaign was clearly intended to make Sidney out to be a slut. And who even tries to use slut-shaming as a thing in this day and age?

I felt angry that Sidney even had to explain himself to the people in his WhatsApp group. Whatever a person does with their body is nobody’s business. I remember telling my friend that if anyone ever calls me out for sleeping with their partner, I would ask them to submit an application form via mail including three passport photographs of themselves and the said partner (so we can pick him out of the lineup of people I am fucking), and then, I would consider responding to his accusation. Because what the actual fuck?! How is that anyone’s business?! I wish Sidney had channeled the energy of Patricia (a beloved Facebook character and the resident Chief Hoe Lady) and told all the men in the WhatsApp group that he did what he did, and he would come for their mans if they complain.

I am a firm believer in relationships, but if my partner cheats on me with my friend, you best believe that I would end both relationships with equal energy and move on. The chances of reconciliation thereafter would be way higher with my friend than with my former partner. OB should have done better.

Anyway, Sidney appears to have moved on from it. He recently served us a picture with himself in hot shorts on Facebook. Good stuff.

Plus, there have been other rumors that OB wanted to shag Sidney, but Sidney turned him down, and so, OB was mad that Sidney then agreed to shag his boyfriend. But what do I know? You see? This is why I stick to the calm, serene surroundings of Facebook.

Written by TJ

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  1. Zoar
    June 10, 06:45 Reply

    The first sex was understandable but going to their home to fuck his boyfriend for the second time was where Sydney totally got it all wrong.

    I saw this banter on Twitter and OB as you refer to him understood that the first sex was forgivable but Sydney going back yet again to fuck his boyfriend was what he had issues with and that’s totally bad anyhow you want to see it.

    • Mandy
      June 10, 07:00 Reply

      I don’t think the writer is trying to excuse the hookup Sidney had with OB’s boyfriend. What he is calling out is why OB would leave his boyfriend to go and start dragging Sidney. To go and start outing Sidney or trying to slut-shame him. I also observed that Twitter drama, and true, not once did anyone get to know who this boyfriend is. So, he protected his boyfriend, the person who he had an actual agreement with regarding their relationship, while he went about dragging his former friend.
      That was just pathetic.

      • Zoar
        June 10, 07:22 Reply

        Like I said before I followed that argument on Twitter. I think I even dropped a comment on it there.

        OB addressed Sydney because of the caption he used when he posted his picture.

        And we never know what must have happened between the lovers in house.

        Would the writer have been happy if OB was just calling out his Boyfriend and mentioning his name in the argument just for the heck of it?

        He might have fought with his boyfriend and the Twitter rant was his effort at getting to Sydney.

        • Delle
          June 10, 18:59 Reply

          This is quite the shabby response. He fought the bf in the comfort of their privacy but brought the ‘world’ to a standstill in fighting Sydney? The silliness of it all.

          If you’re going to drag the Other Person in public, do same with your supposed better half or just nurse your wounds in peace.

          • Zoar
            June 11, 07:06 Reply

            You fucked someone unknowing to you that he’s a lover to your friend. Then when you knew, you still went ahead to fuck him in their home. Then you still want to have a say on how your friend handles the situation???

            Are you even real??????

            Sydney deserved any treatment he got or is getting from OB and anyhow OB wants to go about it is totally non of my business.

            *****************

            And before you come for me.

            Remember I am just saying it the way I feel and it’s totally my personal opinion. So no Ill feelings please ??

        • Adeena Rhodes
          June 19, 21:49 Reply

          The OB and the Bf still live together.

          To show you how fucked up it is

      • Chiemerie Agu
        June 11, 12:05 Reply

        I think he was mad at his friend more
        For doing such a thing after he has forgiven him the first time ….. So he has every right to drag his back staying sluty ass around…..

        • Mandy
          June 11, 13:07 Reply

          “I don’t think the writer is trying to excuse the hookup Sidney had with OB’s boyfriend. What he is calling out is why OB would leave his boyfriend to go and start dragging Sidney. To go and start outing Sidney or trying to slut-shame him.”

          Again, for me, it isn’t about whether what Sidney did was wrong. That was betrayal. It was wrong. My issue is, why did OB, using his burner Twitter account, drag Sidney on his main Twitter account, for everyone to see that this guy is a homosexual who sleeps around? That was outing and slut-shaming all at once. And it was wrong. Call out your friend in gay WhatsApp groups. Call him out among mutual friends. That’s all good. But coming online to do that… Mmhmm. That was just wrong.

  2. Mandy
    June 10, 07:03 Reply

    It comes back to this “cowardice” that people in relationships and marriages have when it comes to addressing tough situations with their partners. Wives drag the side chicks in public. Boyfriends drag the side cocks on Twitter. And all the while, the person who their focus should be on is cooling his heels somewhere, probably already checking out the next person to cheat on them with.

  3. Lopez
    June 10, 07:10 Reply

    There’s a slogan in the northern gay community “Garwa aikin me ido” literally it’s only the gays that kito and out others.
    When you mentioned ” when my boyfriend cheated with my friend I’ll end both relationships with same energy” I thought you’ve said it all.
    Resist the urge to shalaye; whatever happens happened. Don’t explain yourself to anyone.
    For OB, what a childish/heterosexual behaviour.

    • Ade
      June 10, 16:33 Reply

      let’s call a spade a spade here, just as the writer out rightly expressed his disgust if he found such infidelity existing in his relationship, he would call it a quit, so why then raise eyebrows on OB, when u could have called both person’s for a redress…anyways I feel the writer went one sided..that’s it

    • Icandy
      June 13, 11:36 Reply

      “Garwa aikin me ido”. You have said it all.??‍♂️

  4. Tristan
    June 10, 23:09 Reply

    I’m not an active Twitter user but a link might help. Sb help me with one, I want to check sth.

    • Pink Panther
      June 11, 09:12 Reply

      Lol. The drama is all over the place and the people involved most likely would have deleted their tweets. ?‍♀

      • Audrey
        June 11, 09:29 Reply

        Sydney(T) would never delete his tweets. That nigga get mind trust me. He’s so calm in real life but have a lot volcano going inside of his head.

      • Rexxy
        June 17, 01:44 Reply

        PP,mother confessor please give us link nah, some of us are late to the party

  5. Audrey
    June 11, 09:27 Reply

    Sidney(T) is a fine boy no doubt but an ass in real life so I wasn’t surprised he acted unbothered about the call out.
    Funny thing is that uncle once claimed to be in a relationship with this white dude and told me countless times how much he preferred older men so the whole snatching saga came as a surprise to me.

    They should all lick their wound and move on abeg. It’s not that deep???

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