Bottoms Have Dicks Too

Bottoms Have Dicks Too

I’m in this Facebook gay group that I am considering leaving because of all the community, internal prejudice that simmers in there. Considering the fact that the group is filled with both African and African American men has made me realize that the struggles we deal with within the community cuts across the world.

A short while ago, I saw a post put up by this guy whose name I can’t remember – but he is obviously African. And it was something about him being Bottom and wanting his dick to be acknowledged. He went further to bemoan the very sad situation where most Bottoms are treated as though they have no dicks, how Bottoms are automatically expected to be the submissive ones in a relationship, how they are emasculated simply because they love to take dick inside of them.

Now, I am well aware of how much this topic has been washed and dry-cleaned by a lot of us, but I guess what got me writing this is the comments I read under that post.

Not only was the guy bashed for insinuating that Bottoms should be treated as men (which is mindboggling, seeing as this was supposed to be a GAY forum), but a lot of the so-called Bottoms were furiously against his mentality, saying they don’t use their dicks and they would rather put energy into getting their men to toss their salads than get him to suck them off.

It was so pathetic when they stooped as low as calling this guy a cunt and yet wanting to be treated as dick. They threw invectives that can only be found in a space filled with misogynists, as though he is a woman in the midst of blood-raging men.

You would think this madness only exists in Nigeria and maybe Africa, but here’s a platform filled with men of all races, and the bottom-shaming and disregard for Bottoms is thriving with such fury.

And this is a problem.

It is even more problematic that Bottoms are buying into this narrative, that there are Bottoms who believe that they are beneath their partners. They believe that because they don’t use their dicks in the bedroom, then that must justify the total disregard of their manhood outside the bedroom.

I won’t have a problem if it was a personal opinion, but in that group, it was a message shared that seemed like it’d been bought, packaged, tagged and preached as the gospel.

And that’s a problem.

A little irony here is how a lot of these guys will only associate with “manly”, “straight-acting” Bottoms, and still, after it all, we still want to categorize them as – what exactly?

Written by Delle

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  1. Zilayefa pere-clark
    August 12, 09:16 Reply

    This…. I practically just finished reading now and I was going to draggg this issue on Twitter because that’s mostly where the “freakiness” happens but let’s do this here….first of all, the gay community should not be breathing grounds for all them patriarchal rubbish. Yesterday on Twitter, I saw a post with a picture of a bottom with a big dick and the fella Who made the post said something about bottoms who have big dicks being a waist….jeez I got furious but seeing as I close late from work, and I was too tired, I couldn’t find the mental energy to prep a retort. All of these stupid systems of thought is why we would always be considered less…. Shitt….I thought the beauty of being lgbt was that we mirrored the difference and diversities that exist on the spectrum. We have absolutely been wired to be not normal. Why do we forget that, why do we choose to unsee it. Why do we conform to thoughtlesness. We are not here to live by heterosexual stupid rules and one sided systems that have only succeeded in fucking up society and most importantly, the women folk….nooo!! I have also heard of bottoms who are in relationships where there partners do nothing for their sexual desires. He won’t touch you, he won’t eat you out, he won’t kiss you, he won’t set your body on fire, all he does is to raise preeq and chook you. He is not even bothered about Your orgasm…..once he hits milking zone, he climbs down. Bitch what are you still doing there?are you a pleasure instrument…tf though. Why do bottoms do this to themselves.I know it’s a psychological disposition that has rubbed off on us…..but we need to tap into modern reality like now.if you like a blow job, let him blow you till your legs are shaking. Do not accept less. Blowjobs are not for tops alone. I keep saying this, playing bottom is not a lesser role. If anything, its a stronger role than playing top. The preparation I put myself through, all the body adjustment, and then you get selfish under the sheets(switches to Hausa) UBANKA!!! I consider myself an effeminate bottom, I am girly, with a very savvy sway to my walk and a clean high pitched voice. People expect me to be a wife. No. I am a husband too. Yes, my effeminate disposition makes me wann be treated in some certain way, sometimes. But I wasn’t born to worship no man….. I wasn’t born to babysit no body. If we aren’t complementing each other halfway through, then hunnay this boat is not sailing.i keeent do it. Dear Bottoms, wake the fuck up. I repeat, we are not instruments of pleasure, neither are we maids.Thank you… Catwalks out.

    • Delle
      August 12, 09:47 Reply


      Bottoms are not masturbating tools! Preach this message, Zee!

  2. Dammy
    August 12, 11:15 Reply

    You hit the nail on the head @Zilayefa..?

  3. Junchiriki
    August 18, 16:05 Reply

    Delle! I am just as angry as you are. The nerve of them!

  4. Brainie
    November 19, 15:21 Reply

    That’s why we should never have create top and bottom roles in this first. Naming something is to box the thing, define it into a box. We should have just remained gays and nothing else, without adornments. That way, we have the boundless freedom.

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