Here I am, writing down my emotions, because I’d rather do that than speak a word about what I’m feeling. Recently I don’t even know what I feel.

I dated a man. He was strong, handsome, unique, interesting. He also had a baby mama, who he says is alright with his bisexuality. I guess she was, until I came into the picture.

He introduced me to her when he and I first started dating. She smiled at me and said hi. She shook my hand, and then we danced together. It was a party, and her friends were there too. They kept staring at me and talking amongst themselves. I wasn’t comfortable with that, being the new boyfriend suffering the distant dissection of my beau’s ex female love interest. But it was a party. So I kept on drinking and dancing.

And then, as I got comfortable in my relationship, she got less comfortable with me being around. There was drama. There was hate. And there were children involved. It broke my heart that she was using their children as a weapon to drive a wedge in between me and my beau. The entire brewing mess affected me in ways I thought wasn’t possible. I wanted the best for my man as much as I wanted him with me, but then I loved the way his eyes shone when he talked about his kids. Before the drama. Before the mess.

And so, my two-year relationship ended gradually, first with him not taking my calls or calling back, to not being intimate whenever he eventually replied my pings on BBM. And then, he finally raptured himself from my contact list and blocked me on whatsapp. The disintegration of this beautiful thing wreaked an ugliness in my heart. There was no goodbye. There was no time. He was simply here now, and the next, he was gone. It has been a month since the end. I have shed tears that won’t stop streaming. My mind with the two-year worth of memories it bears has refused to stop hounding my heart and thoughts.

I still don’t know what to feel about him not saying goodbye, about him not preparing me for the end. But here are a few words I’d like him to know and understand:

‘Boo-boo, I have missed you tons. I miss playing with that shock of thick hair you loved wearing in an afro. I miss how you bite your lip and smile at me. I miss when we had our tickle battles, how I lose to your strength when we struggle.

‘And I am sorry too. I’m sorry I seldom wore my emotions on the sleeve. I’m sorry I didn’t often fight back or argue passionately with you when it was clear you were aching for some drama. I’m sorry about the day I declined coming over to cater to you when you were ill. Rita was hovering, and I didn’t want to deal with her shit. I realize now I shouldn’t have let that stop me.

‘And I’m sorry I didn’t give you reasons to stay with me.

‘Truthfully, I wish you’d ditch her toxicity, cut off with her and be with me. But I can’t imagine you not having that spark in your eyes when you talk about your kids, because I know cutting her out of the picture would mean dealing with a loss of your children.

‘And so, I want you to know that I wish you the ultimate best. I want the sun to be jealous when you smile every day, and the galaxy of stars to envy the bedcovers you hug to your skin when you sleep at night. I hear you are mending your relationship with Rita. If she makes you happy, then I wish you two and your children a lifetime of happiness. Even if it kills me that you have not found that happiness with me, I shall strive to be content with the fact that you have it.

‘Love forever


Written by Polly

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  1. kendigin
    May 17, 04:43 Reply

    So touching, I wept (crocodile).

    Lesson: dont get involved with a married man. You simply cant compete with the mother of his kids. It aint worth it!

    • Dubem
      May 17, 04:51 Reply

      But Polly’s ex wasn’t a married man. Simply a guy with a baby mama, who just happened to know about her ex man’s bisexuality. You’d think this man would make the safest choice for a relationship. Unfortunately, like you rightly said, when there’s a woman involved, in Nigeria’s gay clime, you simply cannot compete.

      • trystham
        May 17, 05:54 Reply

        @Dubem Oh but u can. And will win sef. Its just the man in question who will suffer it.

        Ndo, Polly. Hold on, but don’t hold too tightly that u never get to see another chance at better loving

  2. Pearle
    May 17, 06:11 Reply

    The way people give love and take it away in this axis of the world just baffles me. Here’s my opinion, it’s already established that he’s bi, thus the exit door was left slightly ajar from the inception and you my dear, were just playing a losing game, coupled with him being stifled by his baby-mama-drama-rama, but someone who’s mature and at least respects the love you have for him could have handled it differently not the silent drug and leaving you at the crossroads to get hit by a bus! Anyway, writing this means you’re already on your way to redemption, find your happy blue skies again biko…

  3. Sinnex
    May 17, 06:24 Reply

    I feel your pain…it’s time to move on without looking back, because he would still come back and the circle would continue over and over again.

  4. Mercury
    May 17, 06:25 Reply

    I wish I could be sympathetic towards d writer, I just couldn’t find it in me. *singing* “I got concrete where my heart used to be”. You should have known better, u were d side how and she made him choose between you and his kids, and we both know d choice he made. So move on dear.

  5. sensei
    May 17, 07:33 Reply

    This was BEAUTIFULLY written. But guyz please, don’t make me laugh. People generally assume that relationships with bisexuals are doomed. Because of this and many similar assumptions, people stop themselves from living. Life simply happened to Polly. We can say the dude broke up with him because there was a girl in the picture. But you cannot blame it on his bisexuality. That makes it sound like we think that ALL exclusively gay relationships end well. Break ups happen every day for several reasons. If a relationship is “destined” to fail, it will find a reason to. A bisexual man can date an exclusively gay man and have with him a happily ever after. If he were dating an exclusively gay man, that doesn’t mean they would never break up. They could but just for another reason. That is life. Shit happens! You can say you don’t wanna walk on the streets to avoid road accidents. So you happily stay at home then your roof collapes on your head. Life happened!
    And I notice that something about Polly’s reaction to the break up. He wished the dude happiness even though he was now with someone else. After everything, he doesn’t hate the dude. True love! That’s something you don’t get to see everyday

    • paul
      May 17, 08:34 Reply

      Yeah when u have true feelings for someone, their happiness becomes priority irrespective of hw scattered it leaves u.
      That said, Married men jst spell disaster.
      I unfortunately n weirdly still have a tin for them.
      U try to help them compartmentalise but it still hits d rock when d chips get down n a choice has to b made.
      Polly U’d be fine even if nt today, but someday!

      • sensei
        May 17, 12:51 Reply

        Personally I don’t think I would date a married man. At the risk of sounding self-righteous, it’s just because he took a VOW to be faithful to someone else. And fortunately or unfortunately, my default way of thinking (most times at least) is putting myself in another’s shoes. I can’t help thinking, what is i’m the wife? And let’s be realistic. Anyone who dates a married man cannot reasonable expect that he will get the same amount of attention he would get if he were dating someone that’s single. If you decide to date a married man, it’s a choice. And I judge no one for their choices. However, you must be realistic and go into the relationships without fantasies that can never come true. He is married so you are forever number two. If you can’t live with it, don’t date him. Some people will still go ahead…because love can move mountains. But this story here isn’t about a married man. It’s about an unmarried man whose ex still had a hold on. She was obviously still interested in him and HE DIDNT KNOW. If this ex was a guy, this can still happen. If the guy in question was exclusively gay, maybe he’d cheat on you and break your heart. This story didn’t have to end this way. It there was really no emotional tie between the guy and his ex, maybe things would have turned out differently. My point: when your man gets taken, he gets taken. And there is always something to blame. You can be careful with your choices. That’s fine. But my dear, life happens to everyone. And it’s not so much about what happens to you. It’s more about how you handle what happens to you. Does it mar you for life? Or do you come out stronger?

  6. alex
    May 17, 07:35 Reply

    Beautiful piece polly. I know it hurts like hell now but take heart in the fact that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all

  7. Lothario
    May 17, 07:44 Reply

    Poor dear! This isn’t the easiest thing to deal with, but just try to pull yourself together… You’ll meet and love someone else who will love you in the most amazing way.

    Be strong!

  8. Max
    May 17, 08:06 Reply

    The first thing that came to my mind while reading this>> “Another wailing and clingy bottom who doesn’t know his self worth”
    But I’m just gonna say- Love comes and goes, find someone else and move on.
    Stop living in the past and stop thinking about the good ole days, you’re never gonna have them back.

    • pinkpanthertb
      May 17, 08:13 Reply

      Another wailing and clingy bottom?

      *shaking my head* Life needs to reduce some people down a peg or two, wallai. *blowing delicately on my hot cappuccino*

    • kendigin
      May 17, 08:15 Reply

      @max Jeez! Thats harsh. I guess you havent been dumped before else you’ll be a bit more sympathetic.
      That said, sometimes people date “fantasies” and simply refuse to appreciate the reality of their situation.
      I repeat it, dating a married man or a man involved with women is a BIG MISTAKE. Especially when kids are involved

    • trystham
      May 17, 08:38 Reply

      So, it prolly would av bin different if he were a versatile bisexual dude??? Max, come out of urself and reread the comment you made. Hian!!!

    • keredim69
      May 17, 09:06 Reply

      “Another wailing and clingy bottom”
      @Max….Dude, where does it say Mr Bisexual was a top with Polly? How do we know Polly wasn’t fucking his brains out?

      • Max
        May 17, 09:24 Reply

        @Keredim, I’ve never met a married bottom. And I’ve never seen a bottom over 30. Once they hit a certain age or get married, certain ego kicks in and they climb unto their high horse and wouldnt let anyone fuck them.. They simply convert to top. Thats why I’ve been saying it that this whole categorization thing is a load of crap.
        Oh and pls Polly was the one getting the dicking.. Its written all over there piece.

      • Mandy
        May 17, 09:28 Reply

        @Max, You’ve never met a married bottom. And you’ve never seen a bottom over 30.
        That’s good. It’s good you created those distinctions that these individuals do not exist TO YOU. And not all Bottoms get married and decide to become Tops. That’s an inherently flawed presumption.

      • Max
        May 17, 09:42 Reply

        Thats why I said “Never met”. I didn’t say there aren’t.
        I remember the question popped up weeks back and no one could come up with anyone they know.
        So pleas tell me, have you met one? @Mandy and Keredim
        I’d really like to know.

      • Max
        May 17, 09:57 Reply

        You’re hustling for ratings I see. What’s the blog again?

    • Max
      May 17, 09:19 Reply

      @Trystham and Keredim and even you pinky, you guys miss the point.
      You shouldn’t make excuses for people who treat/treated you badly. Thats what this whole piece was all about.
      Do you know that you can be dating someone who isn’t dating you?
      What did he expect? That he’ll be dating the two of them together and they’ll be one big happy family?
      She’s his baby mama and supposed to be an ex, but from the write up above, something was still going on between them.
      I stay off married people and people who’re involved with women for this reason, in the end, you’ll never be chosen.

      • pinkpanthertb
        May 17, 09:21 Reply

        Whatever the point, when you get such a sneering attitude with other people’s pain, it’s asking for Life to teach you a lesson or two about that pain so you’d be more understanding. That was my own point.

      • Max
        May 17, 09:25 Reply

        Oh,lol. Every lesson has a stage, I’ve passed the stage for that kinda lesson.

        • pinkpanthertb
          May 17, 09:29 Reply

          *suddenly picking an interest in the book ‘Pride Goes Before A Fall’* My, I had no idea I still had this book.

      • Max
        May 17, 09:38 Reply

        Oh really. Its not pride honey, there are some mistakes I just can’t make. Example- Dating a married man
        Dating a man who’s involved with another person (especially when that person is a woman).

    • Diablo
      May 17, 12:54 Reply

      Your so full of of political correctness and righteous judgement. You should be a member of british parliament, dearest Maxine

      • Max
        May 17, 15:38 Reply

        @Devil’s incarnate, I have two words for you
        SUCK IT!!

    • Khaleesi
      May 17, 13:34 Reply

      Sigh ***Max!!! Bikonu its a sunday morning plZ let the clingy bottoms and the uncommitted tops rest nau, pretty please hun …

  9. Jamie
    May 17, 08:16 Reply

    Hey @Polly, take heart. ….soon gonna be over!!

  10. dikamichaels
    May 17, 09:10 Reply

    so touching…. hope u find someone that’ll make u smile again.

  11. Masked Man
    May 17, 09:17 Reply

    Polly, one song for you;
    Cheers by Rihanna.
    Enjoy the lyrics, she isn’t such a bad bitch afterall.

    Life’s too short…..drink to that.

  12. Dennis Macaulay
    May 17, 09:53 Reply

    Polly life happened, it happens to the best of us just move on.

    Meanwhile you people that wish your ex well, Una try. If we break up, I don’t know you and if your plane crashes I wont cry

  13. Ruby
    May 17, 10:14 Reply

    This is so heartbreaking
    For those of us that have had bad experiences, stay strong, there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
    Note to Self: Should your Marriage end, never date an MGM. *no offence*
    Better still, stay Celibate

  14. Dominic Obioha
    May 17, 10:17 Reply

    It’s appears from the story that your ‘beau’ and his so called ex were living together and or were always together…and they have children and not just a child. This is not even about bisexuality it’s the fact that you were involved with someone who clearly was not done with their ex plus kids in the picture again. Please move on cos’ from the tone of the write up it appears if the guy or the girl shld call you now, you will immediately jump back into the drama.

    Hello Max, I think I love you and I’m ‘actively and functionally bisexual’ *winks* He go bad if you are not as fine as they’ve made us believe sha.

  15. MasonKz
    May 17, 11:39 Reply

    Interesting. At least it lasted 2 years plus… not many gay guys in relationships can boast of that much. You’ll be fine…sooner than you think.

  16. kacee
    May 17, 12:08 Reply

    *crying* That guy is so heartless,no goodbye wtf!, like daaaa *who does that *mtcheew*. Person suppose show tht guy something.*mtchewwww nonsense*

  17. kacee
    May 17, 12:16 Reply

    Polly dear just listen to this song maybe it’ll calm ur nerves down and make u forget tht punk ass: Serayah McNeill and Yazz
    keep it movin(Empire)

  18. Diablo
    May 17, 12:45 Reply


    Going into a relationship with a bisexual man who’s ‘baby mama’ is fully aware of his sexuality and his new boyfriend, is a disaster waiting to happen. Its like pulling the pin out of a grenade and expecting it not to explode. The words “baby mama,’ bisexual and boyfriend’ shouldn’t even be in the same sentence on a normal day. Im surprised the relationship lasted that long!

    And how is a woman comfortable with her man having anal sex with another man? She must have a very low self-esteem

    • Chris
      May 17, 20:25 Reply

      Hey Diablo, happy sunday, a lot of babes and i mean a lot, are aware of their partners’ bisexuality.
      That is the current trend, women want to get married and only few eligible men are availble.
      Some women rather be competing for their husband’s attention with a dude than another lady.
      Some MBMs’ relationship with a dude last longer thant that of just two guys alone in the picture.

      • trystham
        May 17, 22:48 Reply

        I will rather I didn’t come across this comment in real time. Its sneer worthy.

      • Tiercel de Claron
        May 18, 00:31 Reply

        @trystham,really?.You do realize you are no paragon of virtue yourself.You harp on fidelity,but you’ve been known to two-time guys and at the end of the day end up with none.
        Tone down that high horse thingy,you’ve got feet of clay too.

      • Chris
        May 18, 02:12 Reply

        …..we just have to accept the reality on the ground just as
        Nigerians have to accept the same sex attraction and deal
        with it. Like it or lump it but deal with it. Am talking about real
        world in real Nigeria of today.

  19. Khaleesi
    May 17, 13:15 Reply

    Wow! What a poignant love story! Well… like i once said, dating a bisexual man in Nigeria ia often a road that leads nowhere!in the end you’ll look back and wonder with tons of regret why you invested so much of your emotions and of yourself in something that just evaporated in the blink of an eye. I can tell you still love this guy deeply but you have wisely realised that he is building some sort of a life with Rita however much of a bitch she is – they have kids together. The wisest thing to do for yourself at this point is to move on and chalk it down to one of life’s lessons… you’ll be okk dear ….

  20. Mercury
    May 17, 13:55 Reply

    Thank you!!!!, even if max didn’t exactly put it well, there are some pain that can be clearly avoided…..wisdom is profitable unto all things things people!!!!, and let’s no even blame this lil folly on love.

    • pinkpanthertb
      May 17, 16:53 Reply

      Lil folly. Love.
      Isn’t that what Max preached sometime ago? That Love comes hand-in-glove with some folly?

  21. GOld
    May 17, 15:13 Reply

    Nice stuff Polly.this touched me pretty much.

    Truth is,I can’t date a married man.
    First of all,I’m very stingy and jealous (yes I am).I don’t share my man with anybody I expect 100% from u cos that’s what I’ll give u.Sadly, that’s not possible with married men.

    Secondly, I believe very strongly that a man shouldn’t cheat on his wife. Not even with a guy.I keep asking myself, what if I actually settle down with a guy who has sex with women but not men and I realized, I’d still be very angry with him cos I believe that’s ass is for you alone and ur D is for me alone.I DON’T SHARE.

    Then the emotional trauma that comes with it.some nights I just want my man to hug me and whisper sweet words in my ear and kiss me but then I realize that he’s with his wife and I’m alone.

    I’ve come to realize,in every relationship one gains more than the other but in this case,my loss will be too great so I rather not risk it.

    • Max
      May 17, 15:52 Reply

      And when I say it, they’ll say I’m being ridiculous and not being realistic.
      I don’t condone cheating of any sort.
      I don’t share.
      I don’t do people who are involved with other people

      All those things lead to heartbreak and my heart has been broken one too many.

      • pinkpanthertb
        May 17, 16:52 Reply

        Um, Max… that heart that was broken one too many times, pray tell, was it by married men or people involved with other people? Because if it was with single gay men with no baggage, then I hope you can see how ludicrous it is to brand married/involved gay men as scum. Heartbreak, darling, is obtainable anywhere with anyone. Happiness is not guaranteed only to those you think are appropriate.

      • Tiercel de Claron
        May 18, 00:37 Reply

        Every time I come across Maxine’s comments,this line from Macbeth runs through my mind,to wit: “..tale,writ by a fool,full of sound and fury.Signifying nothing”

      • Tiercel de Claron
        May 18, 00:42 Reply

        Shakespeare actually used “idio”,but I don’t know enough of him yet to call him one

    May 17, 18:13 Reply

    Lovely piece!

    Okay I will just say this. I know we don’t control our hearts, but we control our actions. And although being in love with a married man is acceptable, acting on the feelings is Damn Plain Stupid.!!!

    Common, what do you think was gonna happen…

  23. king de catel
    May 18, 03:59 Reply

    This story just shook my confidence a big deal….I’m presently so into a divorced man…..and he is so into me too….our relationship is 5 months old and has been filled with so much glamour, romance and love….could this story be my fate? Could he decide to remarry? Could he make up with his wife who has a son for him? I can’t imagine loosing the love of my life…someone pls advice

    • sensei
      May 18, 13:35 Reply

      Stay where you are. Enjoy it. Hope for the best. If it breaks, move on…

  24. Eric
    May 18, 12:31 Reply

    I have had my fair Share of baby Mama Drama. My Ex has Four kids from four different women. So you can imagine the drama around him, and he is just 26 years Old…

  25. La-Coozee
    May 18, 17:24 Reply

    Awwww. Touching! I like what a poster many comments above me said: Convert your heartbreak into something Grammy-ish 🙂

    BTW, I have something for you @ PP. Is your email still the same so I can send it there? You didn’t reply my last email.

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