The Rise of the Gay Bigot

The Rise of the Gay Bigot

Sequel to his ‘Gay Men Should Be Ashamed Of Slut-Shaming’, Kit Williamson has penned another piece published on advocate.com. Check on it.

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Over the past few years, as we’ve seen such rapid, astonishing progress towards LGBT equality, I’ve also noticed a rise in respectability politics among gay men. I have to confess I frequently make the mistake of reading the comments section, falling down the rabbit hole of rage, vitriol, racism, transphobia, biphobia, slut-shaming, PrEP-shaming, fat-shaming, and misogyny exhibited towards anyone who doesn’t fit the “ideal” depiction of “our community,” even though the most beautiful thing about our community has always been that it embraces individuality. Lately, I’ve been struggling to understand why gay men feel so entitled to tell others how to behave, when so many people are of the opinion that we are societal deviants, no matter how well-behaved we are. Why are so many of us adopting the very same kind of oppressive language that has been wielded against us by antigay extremists?

Recently, The Advocate published an essay I wrote about gay Internet commenters slut-shaming the characters on my LGBT Web series EastSiders for exploring a not-quite-monogamous relationship in the show’s second season. In just two days, the piece was shared over 15,000 times and evoked some very strong reactions, good and bad, that also included a great deal of slut-shaming — no surprise there. If Fox News has taught us anything, it’s that closed minds hate analyzing their own bias and prejudice; they’re much more comfortable in an echo chamber where no one challenges them. More than anything, I was struck by how conservative the article’s detractors were, hanging their arguments on the perception of a societal consensus of how people should behave in relationships. Basically, if you aren’t married with 2.5 kids and a dog, you’re damaging the cause.

It’s surprising how many gay men consider themselves arbiters of social norms and mores, as same-sex marriage has only held majority support in this country for a few years now. And that majority is still very slim; according to Pew Research Center polling, only 57 percent of the country supports marriage equality, and in the world at large, only 21 countries allow gay and lesbian couples to wed in all of their jurisdictions. Legal recognition for gay marriage is actually a very recent development in history, with the Netherlands making the first steps towards equal marriage in the year 2000. It is a particularly galling feat of hypocrisy for gay men, who have been on the outskirts of acceptable society for such a long time, to turn around and assert their role as gatekeepers so soon after achieving “respectability.” Whether we’re religious or secular, we all have our own codes of ethics and morality, but we’ve seen firsthand the havoc that judgment and condemnation can wreck upon individuals who are deemed “immoral.” If their actions aren’t hurting anyone, then what compels you to attack them? Do you think the people that consider you immoral are going to be convinced otherwise when they see you parroting their outrage?

I recently stumbled across a Change.org campaign petitioning the Human Rights Campaign, GLAAD, Lambda Legal, and media outlets such as The Advocate to “Drop the T” and distance themselves from the transgender population. Although the petition hasn’t been able to drum up much support, it’s sadly in keeping with many negative comments I’ve read towards trans activists in other articles. There’s an audible “I got mine” mentality in these exchanges that repulses me. Yes, I’ve seen exclusionary language from trans activists as well, and comments that seem homophobic or misogynistic, but it’s all symptomatic of the same problem.

Why should your opinion of what is the “correct” way to express gender, gender identity, sexuality, or religion become a mandate for others? If what we are saying is that along with equal rights we want the right to judge and persecute others for not conforming with our ideas, then count me out. I left Mississippi at 16 to escape a society that I felt valued “respectability” over my humanity, and I hate to see LGBT people shackling themselves to the same kind of hatred we have overcome. Similarly, gay white men proudly stating their dating “preferences,” such as “no blacks” and “no Asians,” suggests a profoundly closed-minded view of humanity. To lump all people of a race into a single homogenous “unattractive” category is the definition of racism, and it’s something to work through in therapy, not tout on your dating profile.

Yes, the pendulum sometimes swings too far in the other direction; liberals can be bigots too. I was as offended by Stonewall as the next guy, but I am almost grateful for the conversation that it’s started about representation. Whether you want to watch it or not, I hope we can all agree that it should not be censored or banned from college campuses, as the Colorado College LGBTQIA+ campus group recently attempted to do. Of course people have a right to be offended and to boycott the film if they choose, but stating that the film’s existence is a “threat to our identity and safety” is verging on South Park. I believe we can be sensitive and understanding of the experience of others without pushing political correctness so far that it becomes tyrannical and obscene. There is an obvious middle road we can take here.

If we accept a rigid society where the majority’s experience trumps all others, then we must accept that our experience will never be valued equally as a group that will always be outnumbered. But if we espouse a philosophy of open-mindedness and compassion toward one another, then we have a shot at creating a society where all experiences are valued. In short, we are never going to cleanly fit ourselves into society’s standards if we play into society’s bigotry; we need to work together toward creating a more inclusive, loving society, where we accept and celebrate our differences.

We still carry the fighting spirit of an oppressed group, because we are still subjected to rampant hate and discrimination. When nearly half the country doesn’t consider us a part of “respectable” society, the battle is far from over. But we need to be careful not to turn our passion and vehemence against one another; together we will all rise up, but divided we will all fall right back down to where we started.

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34 Comments

  1. Max
    November 30, 07:42 Reply

    If it isn’t our not-so-favorite harlot monger.

    Say what you want, but I’ll never ever promote harloting!!.

  2. Chizzie
    November 30, 08:06 Reply

    Can we have a post abt this thats on a neutral ground? That tries to see reasons with the so called gay “bigots” and the gay kumbaya choristers? Thanks

  3. posh6666
    November 30, 08:16 Reply

    So because I love sex and can’t probably go a month without it am a slut? Even when am not doing it for money? Anyways this post is for those who care about the opinion of stuckup fake azz self righteous bitches who are most likely freaks on the low when no one is watching.Why should anyone be concerned about what some random person has to say about his/her sex life?

    • Chizzie
      November 30, 10:37 Reply

      But why would anybody want to sleep with you when they can go to a refuge dump and smear human waste on thier privates seeing as they are into that kind of thing.

      • ikhines
        November 30, 11:18 Reply

        Oh My Effing God! This is…… *straight face*… can’t hold this man. Buhahahahahahahahahehehehe! Damn!

  4. Dennis Macaulay
    November 30, 11:33 Reply

    Pink Panther where is the like button!

    Awon justices of KD! Receive brain!

  5. Delle
    November 30, 13:40 Reply

    There really isn’t any justification for anyone who hops 4rm guy-to-guy. Just cos we are a prejudiced sect doesn’t mean we should start being sentimental and one-sided in our judgements, literally.
    Have we ever considered being decent whilst being gay? Maybe the outlook we have might just change. Maybe we are being criticised unfairly (if I may add) because we are tagged ‘hoes’ and ‘loose’ (no thanks to our lip-painting, purple wig wearing guys). Before some people strangle me, it’s one thing to be effeminate (comes naturally) and another to be a flaming, attention-seeking, overly dramatic effeminate.

    And yes Posh, if you can’t go without sex for a month, I think the word ‘slut’ should be your tag. It’s not slut-shaming hunnay, it’s rebranding the face of homosexuality. Cheers!

    • bruno
      November 30, 13:54 Reply

      maybe, just maybe other people’s sex life and choices is really none of your business. is “live and let live” so hard to understand? to think that it’s exactly same thing you are asking for from the society at large.

      oh… and you should check out ISIS. they won’t bother to find out whether you are the natural or “overly dramatic” effeminate before they toss you off a building.

      you can have sex once a year while others have it once a day. there’s enough room for each of us to coexist. quit hating.

      • Delle
        November 30, 15:00 Reply

        Lol. Did you just type in the word ‘hating?’ Honey, I was just being factual, telling things with a straight face doesn’t necessarily imply hate, ok?
        I don’t practice that word so it’s so off being used on me. I was only giving my opinion. You believe in ‘male hoppers’, I don’t. Should I swallow your bitter ill just so u’d be pleased? And I sincerely feel your second paragraph was totally uncalled for. I really do not think what I said was veering towards that direction…in any way.

        You know what, I’m really not one to banter words ‘online’…so I’d just say it was nice having you vent on me Bruno. Ciao

    • posh6666
      November 30, 13:56 Reply

      Can u hear urself?if one cant go a month without sex his a slut?where is that written pls? I didnt know there was a book of life on how many times a person is expected to sex within a duration or because am healthy and sexually active just like any young guy my age should be i shouldnt have sex in order not to be labeled a slut how ignorant that sounds.
      Honestly this blog is filled with loads of fake ass bitches who try so hard to prove to everyone on the daily how perfect,classy,refined,they are and how their shit dont stink,there has always been the stereotype about gays especially the Nigerians of being fake and trying to potray a plastic lifestyle that in most cases isnt even the reflection of their lives in reality,alot of this blog members are a true reflection of that stereotype and its really really disgusting.

      • Delle
        November 30, 15:08 Reply

        *rolling my eyes in sheer amazement*
        Seriously Posh, are you that pained about what I said? Fake azz bitches? Riding a dick first thing every morning? Who conjures such up?! Maybe you should learn to know people before spewing baseless allegations and all worth not!
        I gave a reply (directly to you), based on your (your own) comment. Please take a cue on that and stop acting like I cold-heartedly threw you off a 400ft cliff. Jeez

  6. Dennis Macaulay
    November 30, 14:31 Reply

    It beats me how people appoint themselves sex police and go ahead to decide for other adults how much sex they should me having!

    It really defies logic to me

    • posh6666
      November 30, 14:38 Reply

      Are you minding these fake azz bitches… most of them probably get banged probably 1st thing in the morning and riding on a dick most nights,like so long as am having safe sex wtf are u to decide how much sex i should be having?

    • Dick Advocate
      November 30, 15:47 Reply

      Baby!! Dennis and Posh sitting on a tree….. K-I-S-S-I-N-G…

  7. Dick Advocate
    November 30, 15:59 Reply

    Re-curled from the last paragraph of the above piece..

    “We still carry the Max’ing spirit of a posh666 group, because we are still subjected to rampant Chizzie and Chizzie. When nearly half the country doesn’t consider us a part of “Sensei” society, the battle is far from over. But we need to be careful not to turn our passion and vehemence against one another; together we will all rise up, but divided we will all fall right back down to where we started.”

    See what i did there. hehehe!

    • posh6666
      November 30, 16:04 Reply

      Lmao cock advocate you are a clown!

  8. Chuck
    November 30, 17:27 Reply

    Isn’t this similar to the Christianity issue? Several gays here insist on homosexuality being accepted within Christianity despite the theology of all the main denominations. Must everyone accept what you do? If you are really bothered that some ppl think sleeping around is bad maybe you shouldn’t sleep around. No one is obligated to approve your choices. Make them and live with them.

    • Max
      November 30, 18:36 Reply

      Touché @Chuck

    • Pink Panther
      November 30, 18:42 Reply

      Some of the people making their choices of having lots of sex basically don’t care. What irks however is having someone crying ‘slut’ in your face every time you express how sexually liberated you are. It’s like being invasive. Sort of like when the homophobic neighbours simply won’t let you be when they suspect you’re gay. You’ve made the choice to live the life of a gay man. When they become intrusive with their distaste for it, you speak out against it. The same applies here. Oftentimes, it’s not about being bothered what the slut-shamer thinks. It’s about telling them to stay on their lane. ‘Live and let live’ is something gay people like to chant when they are seeking equality from the world, but fail to practice when it comes to the gaybourhood.

      • Max
        November 30, 18:56 Reply

        “sexually liberated”, ” huge sex appetite “<<<thats an euphemism for hoe, harlot, thot, slut, cheap ass. Just because you don't collect money for it doesn't make you any more dignified than a street walker. Actually you're one and the same, the only difference is that they're actually better than you are, at least they get paid for it.. But you offer it for free #Animashaun.

        Its also not surprising that the most slutty people are always the ones to cry like lost puppies about having a bad luck with love. How can you ever hope to find love when you're busy fucking half the town?
        I've tried to be open minded about a lot of things, even sleeping around, but it just didn't make sense. You lose your self worth/respect and whatever dignity you may have, you're at more risk of carrying disease etc (yeah we. Know about protection) . all because if gini?ejaculation??????

        Tufia!

  9. Max
    November 30, 18:46 Reply

    Read all the comments here and can’t say I’m surprised by what I saw. Nothing has changed. The hoes are still maintaining the status quo. Just like Chuk said, if you’re so bothered about being slut shamed, grow a thick skin or stop being such a hopeless thot. I’m sick and tired if seeing this issue over flogged here. No side will ever budge, so why do we keep talking about it?

    I for one will die first before I promote anything remotely related to having casual sex with random people just for sport. And the slut would rather die than being starved of sex for a week. We get it, you have insatiable urge for sex and would fuck anything that come your way.. And you also have to get it that people like us will always be around to call you out on your deamining lifestyle of 5 D’s per week.

    • Pink Panther
      November 30, 18:48 Reply

      Oh give it a rest, Saint Maxine, will ya? We get it. You like it every once in a year. Leave those who want it five times a week to have at it. It’s their lives. No one’s asking you to promote it. What the post is about maintaining your lane.
      I don’t understand how we can ask for tolerance and fail to give it ourselves. Ptueh!

    • Mandy
      November 30, 18:53 Reply

      Clearly it pains you, Max, as much you claim it pains the hoes to be constantly hounded. Solution? Why not everyone take a deep bretah and mind their own lives? You have sex (or not have sex) whenever you want and the hoes will have sex whenever they want, and everyone’s happy.

    • Dick Advocate
      November 30, 20:55 Reply

      It’s funny how Max deludes himself that his opinion actually matter to random online people. You all surely have the strength the go on and on with him. He is such a waste of time and energy to dialogue reasonably with. He comes second only to chuck.. It beats me everytime to think people on KD aren’t actually observant enough to know Max has some psychological challenges/issues.

      #PrayForMax

      • posh6666
        November 30, 21:00 Reply

        Lol abi when you aint feeding me,crediting my account or of any value in whatever form like i could just hear that his dead and just be like oh ok one more fake ass dead nxt……

  10. bashir
    December 01, 00:48 Reply

    Any body that think my having sex and enjoying it is bad (no matter how times in a week) that person is SAD!! Its not a crime, its just nature, I can choose to wank myself to death!! Or get a warm body to share the passion with!! It may be with my BF or a fuck-mate, I’ve kept two separate fuck-mate for more than 3yrs, (I get wat I want and when…) Andd Cos I get 2-3rounds of sex 5times in a week, doesn’t make me a SLUT!! And anybody that thinks otherwise, is SAD, DEPRESSED and MISERABLE!! And I believe those state of mind has affected ur sex drive and Libido!! That’s why u are bitter!!

  11. Dominic
    December 03, 15:31 Reply

    This skinny bitch never tire for his ridiculous self righteous opinion. Max must seriously be some depressed low libido dingle dangle scare crow who needs some cranium check. Una get time sha.

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