What’s A Nigerian Gay Man To Do?

What’s A Nigerian Gay Man To Do?

I don’t even know where to start with this problem but I’ll try.

I don’t know if it’s me or it’s the heteronormative gay front in Nigeria, but I’ve been struggling with getting hookups. I’m not really the sex-crazed type, and I’m very picky when it comes to who I’d fuck. Then I meet someone I like, and it seems like all is going good, and they suddenly pull out sighting similar reasons.

I’ll like to make it clear that I’m versatile and I like older guys. A lot of the older guys I meet tend to be Tops and I don’t have an issue with bottoming. In the course of getting to know each other better in person, they begin to express their discomfort with the fact that I’m too “manly” for them.


Recently, a guy I was really digging said I don’t look like someone who would be submissive, and he wanted a submissive bottom. He also went ahead and blocked me on Facebook and WhatsApp and I was thrown into confusion.

Like, how is this a problem?

I’m not feminine enough? I can’t get laid because I exhume dominance? Just negodu ndi Homo Nigeria!

It goes a step further.

Guys basically feel too intimidated to make an approach. And those that do are almost never my type. Then I hear some say corny things like they can’t go against me because they are scared of my anger. Again – What?! I’m the nicest bunny in the jungle.

It goes two steps further.

I was trying to hook up with a friend. Then he learnt I am versatile and got instantly turned off because he didn’t think I bottomed, and that was an obvious deal-breaker for him for some reason that I’m actually not clear on.

The worst part is that, I’m very in touch with my femininity. I’m as feminine as they come. This just confuses me really. I might not be submissive, I agree, but what has that got to do with anything?

There’s nothing I haven’t been called o: “Not gay enough,” “Doesn’t look gay,” “Bland,” “Too laid back,” “Crowd blender”… It goes on.

Honestly, what’s a Nigerian Gay Man to do?

Written by Bain

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  1. Sens8
    February 02, 07:19 Reply

    Fuck the wankers and move on. I wouldn’t mind ploughing you though. ?

  2. trystham
    February 02, 08:27 Reply

    Wait, WHAT??? I was nodding my head until I got to the ‘too masculine’ part. Will these ppl just decide on what they want in life???
    I think u r picking on ppl who obviously have deep rooted battles with their IH because I know these same would complain if u were ‘too feminine’. Seriously though WTF

  3. Kenny
    February 02, 08:58 Reply

    Wait I thought most Nigerian men are usually masc4masc kind of gay men?? This is new to me

    February 02, 10:34 Reply

    Wait. So there are now complaints about guys who are too “manly”? Ayamnor understanding

  5. Black Dynasty
    February 02, 10:46 Reply

    Lol don’t worry about fitting in, i have similar issues. Been told I can be intimidating and i haven’t even opened my mouth… when in actuality i am very friendly.

    Basically, if they’re making excuses… let them go. Life is too short and there are few hundred million gay/bi men in this world.

  6. Manach
    February 02, 12:08 Reply

    Who says you’re a nice bunny in any bush,eh?.
    Dude,you define rude.Maybe that’s why they’re taking to their heels,not anything about you looking masculine or not.
    I actually laughed at that,btw.I don’t see you masculine anything, you actually have a visible touch of the femme about you,appearance wise.
    It’s your personality you need to work on,not your looks or physical disposition.

    • trystham
      February 03, 10:06 Reply

      I have come to realise only people with complexes and esteem issues find certain other people ‘rude’, ‘proud’ and many other adjectives. Lick ur wounds and posh up if u don’t meet certain standards and stop crying “You’re rude”

      • Manach
        February 03, 10:48 Reply

        Do you even know the guy?.Have you associated with him on one before?.
        I will advise you shut the fuck up seeing as you know diddly squat.

        Oh,having read few of your comments on this blog,rude is right up your alley.
        Run along,go find a dick to ride.

        • trystham
          February 03, 17:30 Reply

          Looool. I was right. You are a spurned suitor. I’ll choose him over you ANYDAY. Articulate and expressive, better than the nonentity u embody. He must have spotted u for the loser u r from a mile away.

          I don’t know what ur mirrors are for, but it sure as hell don’t reflect class. It’s the ppl you roll with who do.

          • Manach
            February 03, 21:05 Reply

            Dude,there is no price or award for idiocy such as you display,really.
            For the records,I am no spurned suitor.Comfortable in the long-term relationship I’m in,thank you.
            As for mirrors,I’m not surprised that flew over your head.You are déclassé, after all.

      • Manach
        February 03, 10:51 Reply

        Talking of ‘posh up’,I guess you don’t have mirrors at home.
        You should get one.

  7. John
    February 02, 17:17 Reply

    I hear you brother only on planet earth.

  8. Victor Ukpa
    February 03, 00:55 Reply

    I know you. You are not one bit masculine though. Whoever told you that you were too masculine ehn!!! You be IYA! AKATA sef!

    • trystham
      February 03, 10:08 Reply

      Studies in “In touch with feminine side” required, yes?

  9. Michael
    February 03, 11:57 Reply

    Dear bain, come let’s hook up. Don’t mind those silly people and their adjectives.

  10. kolo
    February 03, 12:07 Reply

    wow i just discovered this site… erm, i need a boyfriend a friend whatever… (desperate much) yes. I have been eyeing one guy at tradefair market, sexy as fuck, masculing with a toutish air but dresses well. tried shooting my short yesterday didnt go so well, said he was in ahurry, want to invite him to see black panther with me, i dont know. i have been single for ten years now, it is fucking hard walahi. and i like masculine men, maybe i am too picky sha, i dont know. who wnts to meet me.

  11. DINAVY
    February 04, 15:38 Reply

    I know there is nothing like the perfect person but soon you will meet that person who adores you.

    Do not try to fit in.

  12. Queer Nerd
    February 04, 18:43 Reply

    Fuck stereotypes, you don’t have to fit in into anybody’s mindset, be yourself and originality will speak

  13. Jinchuriki
    February 06, 23:31 Reply

    ? it’s so painful. I nearly cry every time this happens to me.

  14. Pankar
    February 12, 09:02 Reply

    We express our innate personality during sex. So a gay person who enjoys submission from a partner during sex won’t feel satisfied if he gets the opposite of his desire. It doesn’t make you’ wrong either, for not being so submissive. You just have to find out exactly what you enjoy most in bed and seek it out with the ‘older’ men you prefer.

    Outside the bedroom, my 3 years rship with my girlfriend has its ups and downs but in the bedroom we are so compatible because she likes to be dominated and I like to dominate. Outside the bedroom, we are two independent professionals who believes in logic and rationale when making decisions. But she can be irrational atimes and feel so entitled because she’s younger), so we argue a lot. And make up in the bed. The bedroom never fails us

    So? How you like to express in bed and how you like to be understood in bed matters a lot.

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