Definition:
MGM (Married Gay Man) /em ’dƷi: em/ (derogatory) A closeted homosexual in a heterosexual marriage. Usually applied to males, but can also describe a lesbian or bisexual whose spouse is unaware of their true sexuality.
* * *
Whenever the “MGM” issue comes up on the blog, it’s always a cockfight between the Married/Soon-to-be-married guys and the self-proclaimed Never-to-be-married ones. At this rate, we will not make progress in this important conversation.
So here goes: 6 things we are doing wrong in the “MGM” conversation.
- Calling Married Gay People deceitful and hypocritical
This is from the gay camp that has vowed to not bow to social pressure to marry the opposite sex.
Not only does this reek of self-righteousness, it is a callous thing to say. Given Nigeria’s hostile climate to LGBT persons, calling a gay person in a heterosexual relationship a deceiver makes it seem as though these men deliberately set out to hurt their partners. You don’t even know their story! It’s cute to argue that no one is “forced” to marry, but fact remains: society is powerful. Unless you want to live by yourself in some undiscovered island, you cannot avoid being pressured and/or influenced by the people around you.
- Calling Married Gay People hedonistic two-timers
This is similar to calling bisexuals greedy. If you truly think that a man/woman in a relationship that does not fulfil them—so much so that they continually seek happiness outside of that relationship—is “enjoying the best of both worlds”, then you need to think again. You cannot put a price tag on that kind of suffering. Again, know the story before judging.
- Saying that ALL Married Gay Persons are unhappy in their marriages
How do you know? They told you this? Let’s start by defining “happiness”…
- Saying that marriage is something you have chosen to do
This one is from the camp of the Married or Soon-to-be-married Gay guys. It is a weak argument—why? When an action or behaviour is normative, it becomes difficult separating who is doing it because they want to from who is doing it because they are expected to.
Nigerian society finds two kinds of people odd: non-heterosexuals and the unmarried. Past a certain age, if you are not married, that becomes how people define you. They will ask why and what’s keeping you? Your achievements can be sidelined just to discuss your unmarried status. Nobody asks you why you want to get married—they’ll simply congratulate you. So “choice” as an argument for being a Married Gay Person proves little. You wanna know what choice is? Try NOT getting married and watch what happens.
- Asking “What is wrong with a gay person marrying the opposite sex”?
Nothing! Who said there was?
There’s such a thing as a Mixed-Orientation Marriage (MOM) – two partners with different sexual orientations: homo + bi, hetero + bi, homo + hetero, etc. Remember that scene in The Imitation Game where Keira Knightley slapped Benedict Cumberbatch for wanting to call off their engagement? That was a MOM she was proposing (gay boy, straight girl). There are millions of couples world over in MOMs. While some have been open about it and built happy marriages, others end up divorced, and still others…er, well, one spouse’s skeleton is still in the closet.
The “MGM” debate is not concerned with gay people marrying the opposite sex; it is concerned with gay people marrying the opposite sex IN ORDER to “fit in” and hide their true sexuality.
- Saying “There are many things that make a marriage work besides a compatible sexual orientation.”
Of course, we know that! We also know there are several reasons people get married which have nothing to do with “love” or sexual attraction. Some people are married for money, career, companionship, green card. But marriage is, technically, a romantic arrangement. So, marrying for any other reason, or outside of a sexual orientation that’s compatible with yours, should be the exception, not the rule.
How We Can Get This “MGM” Conversation Right
- By retiring that term “MGM”. This is not an us-vs.-them
- By being honest.
- By not daring an “MGM” to out himself to his partner. That is not the point.
- By the “MGMs” not trying to justify the secrecy; that, too, defeats the purpose of this conversation.
- By not being judgmental.
- By remembering that different environments determine how we handle our sexuality. (Even gay couples from tolerant climes are warned not to travel to homophobic countries for their honeymoon, to avoid stories that touch.)
- No side in this conversation should condescend to the other. After all, it’s the same 14 years for everybody, if prosecuted for homosexual activity.
- Married gay/bi persons should speak up more. Share their experiences, challenges, epiphanies, joys.
The “MGM” conversation is not about individual persons or their marriages and children. It is about an ISSUE, a valid concern of every LGBT person in Nigeria. There are many gay people who do not want to be pressured to marry the opposite sex. There are many gay people who want out of their “heterosexual” marriages. There are many bisexuals who know that if their opposite-sex spouse finds out that they actually swing both ways, there will be blood. And it wouldn’t matter if the said bisexual person had been faithful to that marriage.
We should be having this conversation in a way that addresses the problem. Not looking for who to call a hypocrite, or a career homosexual who doesn’t realise it’s time to quit this “habit” and do as their mates have done. ■
Written by Absalom
“And the self proclaimed Never-to-be-married ones.”
That, in itself, is a very wrong statement to use don’t u think??
Secondly,I believe if ur married and u having sex with somebody else,male or female, then u are cheating. After all sex is sex.are we not the ones praying that one day we’ll be free to do all that we do in our closets??
Now I don’t have anything against MGM’s.in fact i have a few as my friends.but I made up my mind long ago not to have anything intimate with any of them.that doesn’t make me a hypocrite.
Hypocrisy is meant for those who do not practise what they preach. So GOld, just as long as you do not carry on with married gay men in spite of what you say on KD, of course then, you’re not a hypocrite.
This question is purely to enlighten me, GOld. I don’t understand… how is Absalom’s use of the words ‘self proclaimed Never-to-be-married ones’ wrong? Do tell please.
But it wasn’t a derogatory term. Lol. not technically. All of us who speak of never getting married are proclaiming it for selves, are we not?
*singing Taylor Swift* oh, oh, touble trouble trouble.
To be honest i didnt see anything wrong in what he wrote. I would expect Max to have an issue with this instead.
Oh, this is the kind of comment that wakes the dragon in Max. 😀
A bit of a sneer… Lol. Yea, can’t argue with that.
Don’t you know it.
Who says the LORD of Lords is not reading KD from his perch in the heavenly KINGdom, hmm? 😀
I want to believe that you actually meant GOD with this comment? And not the LordII i am talking about.
O gbasara m?
MOM? There’s another acronym out there?
Mixed orientation marriages
Now that would definitely be a real struggle worthy of commendation beacuse heterosexual people don’t face problems expecially since they don’t have the issue of leading a double life abi? SMH
Pay attention Pinky, it was in the post.
LOL! Chai! My greying hair needs a re-touch, it would seem.
A straight man marrying a straight woman, is enough issues alone. Look around marriages around you. They struggle to make it work. Talk more of a gay man in a marriage with a straight woman. That’s too much work.
Diablo, I’ve been meaning to ask you. When you speak of compromise in the issue of a gay man’s desire not to get married, what exactly do you mean? How does compromise work here?
@Keredim69 thank you. Some be talking down at gays that have accepted their *fate* like shit just because they are walking the *normal* path endorsed by society. Mschew
Come let’s drink orijin.
He has come again, he has come again…….*singing*
@Pinky, pls don’t pretend he made that statement out of the goodness of his heart. That statement reeks of “judgement” on the part of the writer.
Oh yes Brian, I have several issues with the statement, and while a small part of the article made sense, the rest is just plain excuses for weakness and bad behavior..
All of them are just condescending piece of weakness. No matter how good they might appear to be at first, they’re all filthy to me and cowards!!
If you marry a woman, stop chasing small boys oh…the same boys you left for a gaping hole called pussy. Stop being hypocritical…
No one put them in that position @MM.. Humans are naturally weak. Thats why they make such choices and suffer in the end for it. I hold no pity for any MGM, no one tied a rope to their neck and dragged them to the alter..
@Devils’s advocate, everything you’ve been doing Since you were born has been for your own good. Tell me Thats not selfishness. Your incapability of staying in a stable relationship is also an indicator that you’re grossly selfish too. Remember that when next you wave your judgmental devil’s trident on people who want to live happily and not be suffocated by society’s construct.
Blows kisses***@Trystham
Yeah., and i thought family was all about unconditional love and trust. So dearie, why not trust your family and hope that they will love you unconditionally and come out to them. Instead of lying about who you are and not giving your mother what she desires
Just as some people would required you to revise at the same bible concerning what it think about liers, and cheats and thieves and even hedonistic HYPOCRITES.
Max honey, will you by any chance, for any reason, find yourself married, to a straight woman?
@Brian you’re not making any sense oh. So because your family lacks unconditional love and trust you want to carry to into your marriage too? Talk about fueling some vicious cycle.
P.S: My mum already suspects I’m gay as she has approached my sister twice with that question. The day she approaches me with it, I’ll drop it like it’s hot and give her space to make up her mind on how she wants to deal with it. Favorable or unfavorable, I won’t really be affected as I’ve made sure not to attach myself too much to them
I dont even dream of it… She’ll just be miserable and I’d hate myself for that (and I can’t afford to hate myself.. Becsue I love me way too much..) .. So its not an option. Thank you.
Humans. Sexuality has been downplayed throughout human history and Thats why this rubbish is happening till today. Imagine after thousands of years humans are still worried about marriage, as if its the only means for procreation. Its time to start taking sexuality into account because its an integral part of sustaining a long lasting relationship.
Diablo this is just wrong. Everyone should strive for their own happiness. Sacrifices are good and fine but that is what they are sacrifices, they take a lot out of you. Why do it when you’d be unhappy for the rest of you life? No one should do anything they dont want to except it is a matter of life and death.
If you have something to say, say it…
You’ve been quiet on this matter for too long.
It’s you giving the crap about marriage being about trust. If my family is all about trust and unconditional love even, whose business is it if i take the exact opposit into my marriage. The expression self-righteousness does make a lot of SENSE to me when i think of this. You are bordering on being a self-righteous prick.
Max no worry, i dey wait you. Shebi na 35 Chris talk? You own i do add five more years, then i go hear wetin you dey talk that time.
If you really know who I am @Brian, you’d know my YES is YES and my No is No. My will isn’t easily broken. The answer I gave you today is what you shld expect in 10 years time.
No thank you. I still got the horrid taste in my mouth. Gimme water
Max, you said your will isn’t easily broken. ‘isn’t easily’, doesn’t translate automatically to ‘NEVER’.
Maybe constant pressure on you will make you yield. Lol.
Okay dear, water it is then. Lemon water.
lol Maxine u made absolutely no sense, which isn’t surprising. Especially seeing as I happen to be in a relationship, a fairly recent one but stable so far. Is that what this is abt? Is your inherent bitterness, as a result of you not being able to obtain and be in a stable loving relationship with the same sex? That would explain alot. Sha sha, be a good doggie and try not to pee on the carpet.
By compromise I mean marriage if need be, dating a married man, not scorning the MGM, toning it down on the flamboyance, understanding the society one lives in and willing to bare the risk should one dare to be deviant. Cause at the end of the day, its not just all about us.
You failed to address the issue of “selfishness” which you brought up. Still sums up what I make out from your constant blabbing. You’re a coward and a witless worm who’ll do whatever society wants. You’re a wild toothless dog who falls in line to avoid being whipped by his master.
You’re a marionette in a big society, with no will of his own. Even your words aren’t truly yours, it was planted in your skull by those who came before you. Free yourself from mental slavery first before you can have a take on this issue.
Innocent question from the innocent observation of an innocent observer:
Do hetro MGM’s who partake in extracurricular activities take lessons from fellow MGM’s or from UGM’s??
If they take lessons from UGM’s, why is it so??
If all become MGM who would the MGM’s satisfy their knack for learning French with??
Quite the yansh opener, your writeup Absie. Mr UGM Nigeria, Keredim (god forbid I include those two evil numbers!) simply stated the reason for whatever backlash MGM’s get from UGM’s. Even if I
marry 20 women na the same akpako go knack all of us.
Egbe belu, Ugo belu.
BTW Absalom, the ‘MGM’ phrase & acronym isn’t going anywhere. You don’t have issues with “MSM”, do you??
How about u free your self from the confines of stupidity, then maybe we’ll be even.
Bye Felicia!!
Thankfully I’m your friend. 🙂 Hopefully we’ll remain friends in 10 years time. Lol. *crossing legs and watching the hourglass go*
@Diablo: Please don’t ask anyone to tone down their flamboyance. Do you and allow them do their thing. Without the flamboyant ones, you think gay rights would have advanced? If everybody sat back in the closet and acted all macho and shit, we would still be backwards
Forgive me but your comment reeks of bitter judgment from someone struggling to justify a habit/lifestyle. Why dig me a grave only to jump in??
“So concerned with thier own happiness and well being that they fail to compromise and see reason.”
Biko, what reason?? There’s only one reason for a gay man to marry a woman: to play along with the society. Don’t mistake our acceptance for stupidity. Every other reason being peddled around are just farts.
I want kids — Enyi a shift!! 2 Face had 4 before he got married. Peter has 2. Abraham had Ishmael. Barack Obama has a father, doesn’t he?? Even Joseph didn’t father Jesus.
I want my kids to have a mother — Shey na you born them before?? I was raised by a single mother. My stepfather raised his kids alone. Only gay men give this ridiculous excuse.
The Society — Abegi!! You’re only afraid of your parents, relatives & friends. The Suya man gives no fuck if you have 10 wives. The bank manager doesn’t care, neither does the salesperson, car dealer, palmwine tapper, danfo driver, senator, etc. And the few who care would only talk (mostly behind you) for a while. Hello!! People already talk behind you.
“When the chips are down, if you do not have the balls to make a commitment as huge and sacred as marriage, more so with a hetero partner, then you have no right whatsoever to scorn those that do”
So says the man that did nothing but scorn people. This paragraph alone beat you up badly I had to dress your wounds. SACRED AS MARRIAGE my flat ass. Sacred and you fill it up with lies. Enyi chekikwa onwe gi oo.
That we say don’t bully people with less attractive facial features doesnt give those people the right to turn around and judge the good ones like they are the problem. We tell a cute dog from an ugly one but play politics when it comes to humans.
You made a choice to get married (to a lady). It’s your life and that affects none of us. Throwing shit in our face makes me wanna go ‘Cookie Lyon’ on your booboo kitty ass.
Aren’t the hypocrites, cheats and liars the MGMs?
I’ve not been quiet, I’ve made my opinion known on this issue before. This after all is not the first time this topic has been thrashed out here, it’s actually gotten stale to the extent I now know where most individuals stand, apart from the new commenters of cos.
I won’t apologise on behalf of the MGM here who have kinda lorded their status over others, I won’t apologise on their behalf for the sense of superiority or entitlement they seemed to shove in other people’s faces. I won’t apologise just as you won’t apologise for the single ones who chose that path.
I am me, I own my life, I chose my path, I’ll walk on it. My neighbour down the road also did the same. You too have chosen your path.
There are some men who bowed to societal pressure to marry and there are those who chose to marry. They are some who chose to be single, waiting for the right man and there are those who have chosen to ‘whore’ around, married or single. I can’t correct them, I can’t judge them, I don’t feel it is in my place to judge, it won’t make me feel better about myself.
Sometimes, we drum up reasons or excuses for the MGM, we try to justify their supposed unhappiness with their marriage, their infidelity to their spouse who they have sworn fidelity to and other problems but I ask, to what end? Why would the MGM feel superior because he is married? I don’t know and I don’t care, he chose that, why let it bother you?
One person said nobody can make you feel inferior and I agree, nobody can. I am responsible for my life and my choices, I choose what makes me happy, you choose what makes you happy. Isn’t that the ultimate goal? Happiness with your life choices?
To the person who hates MGM that cheat on their spouses based on what the Bible says. Really? The Bible is your weapon? Really?
People hide behind the Internet and mount a righteous pulpit, they speak on a lot of evil both groups commit, they do their best to create a divide where there really should be none. I am on the side that quite frankly don’t care.
MGMs in da house, ngwanu make una come debate against Jeova burriful stance. lol
Oh honey, I’d love to Pinky, I’d love to. But someone here has spoilt the meaning of that term. Instead I’ll just settle for coffee 🙂
The only reason why a gay guy gets married is to please society? Wow thats mighty myopic of you. In your inconceivable mind, does it not ever occur to you that there are gay guys out there who genuinely want to marry a woman? and have kids, and have a family? Who yes, might have a bf, yet respect and love their wife and kids?… (I just so happen to be dating one of them 🙂 ).
So i suppose the only reason why a bi guy would identify as bi would be to please society as well? And in that vein, the only reason why you’re gay would be to displease society? Hope, you’re beginning to see how ridiculous and fallacy ridden your point came across as, even with all the italics and bold highlighting (which by the way is commendable, and suggests you have enough time on your hands) . Someone advised a certain person here to go out more often, I suggest you do same.
Anyways, anyone that gets an encore from the likes of Maxine and what not, in all fairness, shouldn’t be taken too seriously for obvious reasons
Poor child. I’m sorry son, it only shows I know HTML (and CSS, HTML5, Java, PHP, etc) and can design a website for you while half asleep.
You want me to comment with a picture next time??
Yo Diablo…. Not sure what you man is, BI or gay. But out of interest does his wife know he has a boyfriend?
Help me ask am, and see if their relationship will live on.
PP u don’t get?? Why didn’t he address the MGM’s that way.it’s rude and uncalled for. Not in this piece that u are trying to let people realize that being hypocritical to MGM’s isn’t fair enough.
Preach Absalom ! Getting married as soon as I’m financially stable. And yeah no regrets and I’m happy anytime I’m with her. Doesn’t stop me from chopping small fresh boys anytime I feel like. *winks*
It’s still rude, in this context.
KingBey thumbs up to you. Pls do whatever makes u happy. If ur hetero pls be hetero with all manner of happiness. Same with the homo and MGM’s.
I agree with GOld, there was a bit of sneer in using the term “And the self-proclaimed Never-to-be-married ones”
I totally see where Abs is coming from and I understand from a human perspective.
I have no issues with MGMs, and I cannot proclaim to walk in their shoes or understand what they are going through.
HOWEVER, I have issues with MGMs, who feel superior to gay guys. And let’s face it there are loads of those around.
As i read this, i thought ‘if Max wrote this then i would die’. If only this came earlier when King/Lord was still here at least he would have learnt a few thing about telling it the way it is and his attackers (they know themselves) would have learnt a few things too.
I just don’t understand how MGM is derogatory. How else do you describe a gay man who is not in a gay marriage? Wouldnt any other thing be too long to write or say matter-of-factly? Is that saying that MSM (Men who sleep with men) is also derogatory? Personally i think to simply say (a gay man) would be easier than that but MSM can be used to describe Bisexual guys well (i want to believe calling a bisexual man gay would be very wrong).
Considering i have not gotten to the age when most of my friend would be married (straight or gay), but i really wonder at the kind of pressure these meeting might be under. It may be easy for those of us who have not gotten to that age or have gotten our lives figured out to talk and criticize but like the post said ‘You don’t know their story’. Many people really do have different reasons to get married. MGMs may not be getting married to the right persons but heck striaght people make that mistake all the time too.
PS: i really think saying MGM is derogatory is serious BULL CRAP.
Keredim u deserve a kiss.A lot of them be feeling fly cos they know they have been ‘accepted’ by society.
MGM isn’t derogatory. Like Brian has said, it’s a description in the simplest way possible. But if u have any other name in mind do share it with us.our panel of judges will readily scrutinize it and see whether it’s worth using.
I will applaud MGM and people in MOMs for one reason – the struggle they have endured to make their marriages work.
My problem with a gay man marrying a lady who does know about his sexuality is the myriad of emotions ranging from devastation to repulsion to guilt and shame, that the woman is likely to face if she later finds out the truth.
I agree with most of what was written. I think the self proclaimed never to be married ones, are the hedonistic ones; So concerned with thier own happiness and well being that they fail to compromise and see reason . And like you pointed out, we need to define what happiness is. Some dont get the concept. Hedonism is a flawed concept of happiness because you can’t obtain long term happiness without making others happy too. If in the course of obtaining happiness, you isolate yourself from society and loved ones, can you say you are truly happy in the long run? People that aim to please themselves and themselves only, are never happy.
When the chips are down, if you do not have the balls to make a commitment as huge and sacred as marriage, more so with a hetero partner, then you have no right whatsoever to scorn those that do. For the Judge Maxines and co, hope u get the memo
Utter rubbish! I’m sure Absalom is one of the intending married gay men. Call a spade a spade biko.
Marrying an unsuspecting woman or man when your sexuality is otherwise is DECEIT. Abi is marriage not built on trust again?!
Punto en boca!
Sometimes I marvel at how many people especially Africans have turned marriage into something that’s focused mainly on having dem babies and being accepted in society.
Some of you need to revise your highly treasured Bible for what marriage is really all about.
All this *waves hand at post* is clearly an attempt at garnering sympathy for the married and BEGGING to approve the License to cheat. As GOld has stated, it is not about who or what u fuck. Its about even fucking at all outside marriage in the 1st place. Don’t u get???
BTW, call me ‘self proclaimed’ from now till u r blue in the face. It doesn’t change Married men are Cheating, Hedonistic, Two timers *shrugs*. That Pity License is NOT approved. Have a wonderful wjend
I don’t agree with several parts of this piece, honestly I thought it was written by someone else. The term MGM and internalized homophobia is here to stay.
We don’t plan on retiring those anytime soon. Thank you.
Since you all like categorization (top, bottom, power bottom etc..) MGM/MBM helps with all the confusion. So thanks but no thanks, but we’re keeping it.
*Inner peace Lord, inner peace*
Just to be clear.
GOld & Trystham: At no point did I say it’s okay for a man to have a wife and fuck boys behind her back.
KingBey: At no point have I advocated for what you plan to do. But I will leave you to Max; he’ll take care of you!
Diablo: You may want to be careful about agreeing with me. The #TeamSingle guys are NOT the hedonistic ones, sorry. I belong to that team and we are choosing to write the script of our happiness the way it should go. This is not the kind of issue on which one “compromises” or “sacrifices” – two words that are, again, being used wrongly on KD.
Francis: Honey, you joined this blog like…last week (?) You don’t know my antecedents here. You might want to catch up on your reading because this – “I’m sure Absalom is one of the intending married gay men.” – is the most RIDICULOUS thing I’ve heard about myself this year.
And yes, I said “self proclaimed” because a lot of us in #TeamSingle are not at an age where we have proven that we withstood the “marriage pressure”. Some of us will survive it, some won’t. It’s a bitter truth, but I wasn’t going for political correctness today.
The only MGMs I have small sympathy for are those that are so tied to family and friends, that they CANNOT function without them!
Pinky darlingg, can’t we have a lounge on KD where Francis, Max and Trystham can can long seats all by themselves?
This is what Jesus Christ talked about in the Bible. If these guys were the ones who caught that prostitute, i am almost certain that they would still cast the stones and then some more.
Ehn ehn, they have come again o: Straight men still cheat on their wives, who are in the dark about it, and still sneer at their single friends, telling them how being married is just full of bliss.
This article appears straightforward or so it seems but there are attachment of complexities. I take it that this article is directed at Nigerian males for easy comprehension of the subject matter.
I take it that acronym used here such as MGM, MBM and MOM can all be interchage as for a sole entity. Personally for me to have a constructive argument based on this article, i would’ve prefer contributors to be at least the minimum age of 35, a black male and a nigerian residing in Nigeria.
The reason why i requested the above is first of all so that emphathy can slide both ways during the discussion of the written artcle. Secondly it is to avoid condescencion on either side of the pro and against (wherein that lies in the article). Thirdly to be able to bridge grounds of mutual respect during this my submission.
Personally i will stick to MBM/MGM for article sake. A mgm dude can find in the opposite sex a common ground in terms of sexuality, as that they both have the same expectation in sex and the fact thst they have an attraction for each other. There must be an element of sexual compactibility otherwise the marriage is dead on arrival.
I personally will admire and respect an individual who is minimally 35yrs and above who can dare the society in Nigeria like Mr Chuks in a previous article and being comfortable with it. I mean genuinely happy and not bitter towards society, not judgemental and can stand and tell the society, ‘hey am not getting married’. Being all of these and not withdrawn from the mainstream society or turn a recluse, yesi will doff my hat.
Human sexuality is very fluid as most will agree, i have seen a gay dude in his thirties who started contemplating developing a relationship with the opposite sex. A straight dude that started experimenting with guys, when he got into his thirties or the recent case of Bruce Jenner that waited till sixty years to initiate gender transformation.
What am trying to say here being an mgm. mbm or mom thing is not engraved in marble, humans change their sexuality platform from time to time. I want to say life as a whole is all about compromises, oh yes, every adpevt of life. Straight dudes aint finding it easy in marriage too, it is not all hunky dory for them. If any thing i believe it is the same for all nigerian married men, my observation though. Live and lets live. Carpe diem.
Aha, where is Gad in all this sef?
Max, can you point out specific points the article made excuses for “bad behaviour”?
‘MGMs who feel superior to gay guys’ I see/ hear this statement a lot. nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. next time, check who has the complex.
I don’t wanna get on anyone’s bad side so I’ll just say this. I respect the authors thoughts on the matter, but I strongly disagree
…#TeamBeYourself #DeceitIsAnEvenGreaterSin
MGM have no love here.. Lolz.
I hope I don’t get married to a female.. Meaning I have to grow a tough skin to my mum’s emotional blackmail.
But if I do get married to a female I’ll find it highly amusing that the way I’m living my life is getting some people’s tits in a bunch especially when those people don’t matter.
Not everyone is strong enough to make what you deem as right choices. It’s also cute how some of us act so fucking perfect with our high and mighty opinions. God has nothing in these people when it comes to judgement.
I’m still chilling for the day we learn to live and let live instead of taking panadol for another person’s headache. So dramatic.
95% of my straight friends cheat on their wives/partners and they will not hesitate to judge their peers who are single to the extend of, mockingly asking them ‘or are you gay?’ Not judging, just saying.
I am not surprised by the kind of comments I am reading here. This blog has always been filled with hypocrites. Most people create the impression that they have all got it figured out…even Max who at the age of 27 is claiming to be all knowing when it comes to gay sexuality when we all know how shy and quiet he is in reality, he just creates a fake personae on the internet. Some people would create the false impression of who they are not just to make a not so important point
The excuse most people give against gay marraige sis that they don’t want to cheat on their wives, my question is, how many of you did not cheat on your gay partners while you were dating? Or do you think that if and when you marry a gay guy that you would automatically become faithful. I shake my head in shame reading most of the myopic statements here.
If you have your life all figured out and have decided not to marry a female and no one has any issue with it, then why don’t you leave the MGM/MBM alone. They want to marry women and it is not your cup of tea. If you feel that they think they are better than you, that means they are actually better than you, you need to check yourself and not go around blaming someone else for your shortcomings, and claiming that it is because they were able to get married.
Some people breath, eat and live by their sexuality. There is nothing else about them than sex. Most don’t even know their left from their right, all they do know is to look for the next fuck buddy.
Marrying a gay man or straight woman would not make you happy. It all depends on your personality and nothing else. It is up to you to make yourself happy.
Marrying a gay man won’t stop you from cheating on him, that’s a fact.
If you don’t want to marry a woman, good for you, but leave us who have decided to marry straight women.
Nothing is going to stop me from doing that. I can’t even imagine getting married to a guy like me. It is just so not possible. I grew up in a happy family and I don’t want my kids to grow up asking questions.
If you say i have internalized homophobia, fine by me…or maybe i am succumbing to societal pressure, you are right.
We need to realise that we are all different. We grew up in different environments. We have different perceptions of life. The only thing we have in common is just our sexuality with is just a minute part of our lives.
How do we cut this into perspective, dudes that are mgm or mbm but are muslims or traditionalist
and their faith accommodate multiple partners? Does that include and justify the side dude/bobo/ nicca?
#Askingforpeaceofmind.
This ties into the hypocritical Christianity that many Nigerians profess. When you say you love Jesus and obey his laws, but you are ok with gay sex and lying, it’s no wonder you’re ok with cheating, stealing and betraying trust.
You’re only Christian until it’s time to lie, cheat or steal to get an advantage.
Shior!
Just so you know there are tons of heterosexual men in unsuspecting relationships with gay women.
P. S Forcing your personal values or opinions is not the same as having an intellectual discussion / argument.
What? That’s it? You’re not going to ask JSU out for lunch?
I’ve never said to no gay man “Do not get married to a lady”. On the other hand, I’ll have 3 sets of apostles and some if I line up gay men who have admonished me to get married to a woman (and added that I’m just stupid and naive for effect).
Isn’t it amusing we keep saying “Wait until you’re 30 (seems it’s now 35) and let’s see if you’ll still say that” to the #TeamNoStraightMarriage? Like the guys on the other side can’t also change their minds when they get to that age?? If that’s the case, it’s clear which party is condescending here.
Gay men have been getting married to women even before Abraham knew Sarah. If there’s anything I know about persecution, the old system is always the persecutor. UGM’s are relatively new here. Just the same way we keep hearing nonsensical statements like:
“Tone down the flamboyance”,
“Try not to be effeminate”, etc. No effeminate man has ever asked them machos to ‘woman up’ and act effeminately.
No man should be trashed for his decision to/not get married to anyone. But if at the end of the day 99% of gay men get married to the opposite gender you certainly can’t tell me some small Max somewhere is making life unbearable for these folks. Talk about crackheads blaming gay people for natural occurrences.
Obi married Ada. Chike married Chidi. Chika refused to get married. None of their decisions concern anyone, not even their twins.
Now a lecture on compromise:
Compromise is to meet someone halfway. It takes 2 to compromise. Saying you made a compromise by marrying a lady is false. You simply gave up. Or never fought at all. What compromise did the other side make?? Who’s the other side even?? Does/did the supposed other side even know there was a battle??
Also, you didn’t make your family happy, you made them satisfied. What happiness does your family get from your marriage?? How happy are your parents about your uncle’s marriage/family??
We throw up evey manner of reason/blame but the truth is we get married because we WANT to. Leave the BS to the sewer cleaners papi.
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Konga signs an exclusive deal with Samsung on the Galaxy S6/Edge. Samsung secretly supplies same gizmos to Jumia at a breach of contract.
What would you say of Samsung??
Alexander McQueen has a talent formaking beautiful female clothing. Suddenly on his 35th birthday, Alexander decides to switch to making male clothing (of which he has little to no talent) beause some of his neighbors mock him.
Now add a little twist of Alexander making & selling female pieces in secret.
What would you think of him??
Some commentators up here are so vexed and i wonder why? Some commentators are beginning to manoeuvre their comments into personal attack. A lot of blog visitors today have got no chilll. There are so much painment emitting from some commentators today.
It’s interesting how a lot of strawman arguments are cropping up. Some commenters have me wondering when I said what they said I said. Hian!
What a lot of people in #TeamSingle are finding difficult to swallow is the fact that part of this article clipped their wings. And here’s why that had to happen:
1. No debate and activism is devoid of context. This is simple social science, not rocket science. You cannot work for change about the choices LGBT people make in Nigeria without factoring in the surrounding homophobia. Are you even for real? Do you know that Pinky is committing a crime by running this blog? Please go to LIB and read the cruel comments under that Bisi Alimi story about a Nigerian gay guy who probably committed suicide…then come back let’s talk.
2. Your stand on any issue can be right but your APPROACH or method wrong. And if your approach is wrong, you can kiss success goodbye.
3. I still insist that the conversation about gay/bi people in heterosexual marriages NEVER took off on this blog. It has just been one crazy fest of people fighting and cussing each other out from dawn till nightfall. Even as a bona fide #TeamSingle person, I can’t be a part of that, and if it hurts anyone that there are some lies I refuse to tell, well, I am NOT sorry. 🙂 *rolling my eyes*
Isn’t it strange how when a gay guy wants to argue against a gay man marrying a straight woman, he remembers that the bible is against lying, adultery and fornication, but when it is time to defend his sexuality, he would remember that the same Bible was written by men and that it was Paul who wrote against homosexuality. That is when the gay men would remember that they are atheist or even agnostic. If that is not hypocritical, I wonder what that is.
You say that unfaithfulness is wrong and against all the laws of nature, but when your neighbour tells you that homosexuality is against the law of nature and that no one is born gay and that even if you have gay tendencies, that doesn’t mean you should act on it, just like murder, theft, kidnapping and other social ills, then you’d go ballistic and start defending yourself.
If you claim that you can’t worship a God who hates you and you are against the society, then what is wrong with a man who marries a woman and cheats on her?
Or if a man decides to marry 4 wives what will you call that?
I still stand on the fact that most people here are hypocrites.
They climb on their high horses and speak ill of others. You are not better than the rest. You have just decided to hide your head under the sand and pretend like no one can see you just like the ostrich.
It is nobody’s fault that you can’t have sex with a girl. It is nobody fault that you think that marrying a girl would make you miserable. If it nobody’s fault that the vagina of a girl repulses you. It’s all on you. So, don’t go around spreading your venom and making others feel bad for what
you can or can’t do.
So, if you find it strange that a gay man decides to marry a straight woman, then I think you need to have your head checked.
This is a community of men who have something in common and decided to share it, there are different ways of achieving the same thing. We all are looking for happiness. It is up to you to decide the one that suits you. If you feel that marrying a man would make you happy, then do it. If you feel that marrying a dog or cat or even snake would make you happy, why not do it. If you feel that marrying a girl would make you happy, be my guest. If you feel that living with your pets in a house covered with cobwebs and giant rats, why not do it. Whatever you feel like doing, go ahead, but if you feel that because you decided to do something, that means that you are better than the guy next door, then you are sitting on a very long thing.
There are some men who are genuinely happy when they get married to women.
Lawd, the thought of doing a pussy really scares me.
Some arguments are just unnecessary cause people have different moral compasses that can even be adjusted to fit their current situation. If you’re strong enough to withstand the pressure then please do. Leave the weak ones to do what they need to do. All this talk of right and wrong some of y’all starting to sound like the pharisees.
He’s married to a woman who doesn’t know he’s gay..is this the first time? Is she your sister? Is he making her unhappy? Biko how does it concern anybody here who is team married or team single..
are we also forgetting that people Marry for other reasons except from love whether gay or straight. Some do it for financial security, they got the girl pregnant, they just want a woman at home, to have children, etc.
and about the deceit please let he who has never sinned or even just deceived someone cast the first stone. We are in Nigeria for fuck’s same. We gay people lie like there’s no tomorrow. I’m not saying it’s right but it offers some forms of protection even though it’s a shaky one sometimes.
you’re free to immensely dislike MGM but don’t think for a moment that you’re better than them just cause you are able to make one choice that they couldn’t make. Your battle is not theirs.
I’m talking more than I’d like to.
MGM blah blah is such a cliché that I wanna poke a carrot in my eyes, it’s a matter of choice and b4 you go judging you don’t know what they have been through and some do it just to help their mother’s aching out, they sacrifice for the love of family. For Christ’s sake we in Nigeria and let’s face reality and stop forming just “me and my bunch of dogs” it’s like applying EU laws in Nigeria, they do it for reasons best known to them. If you choose to remain single, then good for you, I have an uncle who is in his 60’s and very well to do and he never got married and is still not married and I remember how often my granny would cry and lament over the issue, so it’s a matter of choice if you believe you can withstand the pressure and cry from your parents and siblings then remain single. It’s one bridge we would have to decide to cross or not cross one day, it’s a personal issue. The only issue I think I have with the MGM I have seen it’s some of them carrying the air of superiority thinking they superior just cos they are married and thinking of UGM as inferior, have met a view like that and thank God for delete button on BBM. Wait PP is it only the issue of MGM and UGM you would discuss? what about the issue of age, met someone who said “am versatile but if am older than you, you can’t top me” I almost went ablaze with laughter! well for me, if you coming to my doorstep even if you are 80, drop your age cloak at home cos am not your sibling or son!*goes back to studying*
Interesting article Absalom. I’ve always felt you have wisdom beyond your years.
That said, I think some people on this blog need reality checks.
Some comments here reek of ‘external homophobia’. Like seriously. I would have thought we would have learnt to live and let live.
If some comments here are posted on LIB it would be hard to tell it was written by a ‘gay man’
Man up?! That’s an advice of someone to gay effeminate men? What extra would a homophobe out there add. FYI we all here were effeminate and only learned to be ‘straight-acting’ a term which in itself acknowledges that fact.
Please to all the brave fabulous men put there, keep doing you. I salute your courage. You are sun spots on the surface of the earth.
Don’t worry sweetheart. Them friends of yours, the likes of Gad, Lord and you (I think u r married, no?), y’all are scum. There’s enough to go round.