When Monday Came To Bite Me In The Ass

When Monday Came To Bite Me In The Ass

Everything was going fine. Just fine.

I had ordered Chinese with two stewed snails and he had gone for basic fried rice and chicken.

Damn, he looked better in person than in his pictures, which made me not believe myself considering how I’d been stalling our meet and putting him off for over a year now.

He could most likely be the one, I found myself thinking, as we smiled at and flirted with each other. His flirtations were subtle, something I found adorable.

And then, intrusion came in the form of an enthusiastic “Hey” thrown in our direction.

Even as I heard her, I could see the intruder approaching us, looking very ecstatic at the sight of me. So, I knew I was her person of interest. I was really not in the mood to entertain this distraction because I was enjoying what my Date was saying just then.

She was all smiles when she got to our table, completely oblivious of her misdeed, which was going to be very minor compared to what she would do next.

“Sorry,” she began nervously, still beaming, her right hand outstretched. “My name is Sarah and I’ve been looking to get your attention since you came in earlier.”

Umm, okay?

My Date was busy with his food, it seemed. The well-mannered sweetheart he was, leaving me to play catch up with this unwelcome stranger.

Since most strangers I encounter like this in public know me from Facebook, I wracked my brain, sifting through all the females I know on my friend list, but she didn’t stand out. I figured she could very well be one of those silent readers of my updates.

I took her hand in a handshake and smiled equally. “I’m sorry, but I can’t place the face.”

She did something with her eyes that made me understand that in a million years of my thinking, I wouldn’t still place her.

“I saw you here on Monday with some guy. A big guy,” she stated matter-of-factly.

I almost threw up in that instant. Oh god no! I could almost see the catastrophe that was everything this girl was going to say heading toward me.

“You both sat on this same table,” she was still saying. “Remember?”

I looked at her like a mannequin. I wasn’t breathing. I kept trying to use my eyes to communicate to her that this was the wrongest time to talk to me about big guys and what happened on Monday.

However, she must have mistaken my eye gestures for forgetfulness because she amped the descriptions, trying – it would seem – to jog my memory. By this time, my Date had stopped eating, leaned back on his seat and oh-so-casually folded his hands underneath his bearded jaw. He had on a knowing smile. The spill-the-tea-darling smile.

Talk about Village Witches following me all the way to Lagos city.

I had to be tough for myself, fighting off any frisson of nervousness that was working its way up my spine. I had nothing to be guilty over. I mean, me and him weren’t even an item…yet.

“He is big. Full beards,” this madam was still blabbing. “He wore denims and you were in hot jean shorts with this same bag you’re wearing across your body. Wait, you don’t remember? The both of you looked really –”

I had heard just about enough!

With the most amazing smile I could muster, you’d think my face was made of plasticine, I cut across her words: “Sarah, is it?”

She nodded.

“I remember. What do you want?”

I saw her go red. The Date saw this too and lifted a brow.

“Nothing much really,” she said, her verve reduced now. “Just that I would really like us to be friends. You have a striking presence about you. That Monday, I saw –”

This same Monday again!

“Wow!” I interjected again. “Thanks, dear. Are you waiting for someone or you’re alone?”

She pointed to a group huddled at the other end of the lounge. “I’m with them.”

“Okay, I’ll give you my digits and we can go see a movie sometime. How about that?”

Her beaming smile returned and soon, she was gone.

My Date didn’t ask any questions when she left, which I found – still find – unsettling. And I was not about to bring it up as that would seem defensive.

To think I was considering him as the One. I guess I’ll just have to fasten my belt of Singlehood once again as I beginning to think this is a spirishual sontin.


But on the bright side, if the Date is still interested after this disaster of a date we’ve had, then he has to be the One, right?

Written by Delle

Next Merry Christmas, KDians

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  1. Sworld
    December 24, 08:03 Reply

    Lmao, popular gingle!.

    But I can’t see anything disastrous in the date, you were there with a date the previous Monday, So?. But why take your date to the same spot, same table.


    Enjoy your life biko.

    But don’t tell me you wana tie the knot soon?

    • Delle
      December 24, 14:52 Reply

      Am I not old enough to??

  2. Ace
    December 24, 08:07 Reply

    You lost me at stewed snails, oh meow Gary?

    Mondays have never been kind, Garfield could attest to that.

    Also hahahaha.

    • Delle
      December 24, 14:52 Reply

      Lol. I love me snails!

      And do not laugh at me. That’s just wrong ?

  3. Lorde
    December 24, 12:51 Reply

    Delle Can you be my spirit animal.?

    • Delle
      December 24, 14:53 Reply

      If I’m not already!

  4. Marc
    December 24, 14:20 Reply

    I just discovered this blog a few day back and it feels like I’ve found the family I’ve always wanted.

  5. Omiete
    December 24, 18:48 Reply

    Oh Delle this is why I love you. You’re style of writing gives me life.

    December 24, 22:45 Reply

    Nice write up. Well, I don’t think there’s anything to be apprehensive about. U r single and free to meet people. Sooooooo?????

    • Delle
      December 25, 12:17 Reply

      Yeah true until you want to settle for one ?.

  7. Patrick
    December 25, 01:30 Reply

    You have a good, soft sense of humour that you manage to bring into your writing.
    well done!

    • Delle
      December 25, 12:18 Reply

      Why thank you, Patrick ?.

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