So, you guys remember my sexy barber, right?
Well, let’s call him Frank.
So, he actually isn’t much of a text person. He calls – too much of it being a turnoff for me by the way.
During one of our phone conversations, he told me how gay sex was not new to him since he used to boink his roommate back in his hostel in Cyprus when he had no girlfriend and was “tired of choking his monkey.” Yes, we were talking sex now. He also told me that his main job was at ACME Oil and Gas, as a civil engineer. When he returned to Nigeria from Cyprus, he tried to get married but none of the girls he met could excite him, not for long anyway. His baby mama was the unfortunate (or fortunate) one who got pregnant for him and gave him a son, which made him ease off the whole marrying thing. Even though he’s admittedly sex starved, he said he isn’t so crazy about sex.
OK.
So, he came to my church to pick me up, and being the material girl that I am, I noticed he drove a Benz SUV, AMD Series. He was also using the Samsung Galaxy S6 edge. It’s two classes behind but it’s almost forgivable. (Hey, don’t look at me like that. These things have to be noticed and documented.)
From church, we went to a bar, chose a quiet corner, and got talking. Frank was not a smiling man, but his voice had me battling a hard-on for hours. When he sensed that I was uncomfortable with the rather noisy bar, we left for a mall. He loves ice cream, and so do I. (Is this not meant to be?) He got big cups for the both of us, with chicken pie.
Frank had this weird way of staring into your eyes like he is reading you like a horoscope. And then, he would give this tiny smile, like his face has cement.
Soon we were done with the mall, and we got into the car. And much to my shock, this uncle wanted to drop me at home o. Like seriously?! So that my father will have my head, eh – unto whose car am I stepping out from? I declined.
Then he said in that his sombre tone that seemed to add some seriousness to everything he said, “Peaches, I like you, with your childlike innocence and all. I’m only surprised you’ve known about homosexuality for so long, and you are what – 22?”
In my head, I was like: Uncle, I for no sabi. I for sidan for nursery two dey use pencil cleaner.
“Isn’t it depressing – being gay. Doesn’t it depress you?” he asked.
“It has its ups and downs, and this country is not particularly helpful,” I conceded.
“Yes,” was his only response.
We parted at a junction where I asked him to drop me and he gave me some cash, coupled with the takeaway parcel he got for my siblings. It wasn’t until I got home that I discovered that the money he gave me amounted to ten thousand naira.
Ten-Fucking-Thousand Naira! Just for sit-out!
Call me a gold digger, but I believe I just hit the jackpot! Hold on for my next entry. I must bleep this man, walahi!
Written by Peaches
I really want to see where this story is heading cause I don’t understand the direction it’s taking.
Which part of it doesn’t feel like something that can happen in real life? Tell us please.
Come, Simba, izzit your gold digger? For that matter, izzit your gold that he’s digging?
Very close-minded. They expect things to follow a particular order and when it doesn’t, it’s a sham.
Very disappointing mindset we have on here.
Sigh.
Peaches please, update. I’m so anxious to know what happens next. ?
This looks like disaster waiting to happen…. let’s sha see where uncle Frank lead us to sha..
Did you say he is a Barber or, has two jobs? Is this story real because am feeling it’s so not real… And why u trashy? Call u a gold digger? It’s this a cool term now?
The story is not really adding up. My thought tho
That’s all?????????????????????????????????????????????/
What a complete waste of my time
What exactly is you people’s problem? All this attitude over the story…why? Story is going great. Boy meets barber. Barber asks him out. Barber turns out to be bucksed-up. They hang out, they talk, they get to know each other. Barber settles him after date because barber’s pepper is rested.
How exactly is this strange to you guys? Or is it because the stereotype of the poor barber doesn’t fit here? What, you don’t think someone who’s well-off can be a barber, be into guys and have a baby mama?
For a people who are a diversity, you guys sure are very close minded about life.
Biko is Cyprus as notorious as Malaysia? ?? It could help me to the understand the direction this non-fictional gist has taken
The story is, for the lack of a better word, strange. From the way it started, right now something just feels off. I guess we would better understand as it unfolds.
I don’t think strange is bad. Or that commenting that the story sounds ‘somehow’ is bad either. Because strange is strange.
I sense this is a mixture of a little reality and a lot of fiction. But its ok. An interesting read no doubt
Peaches I remember a story you wrote “material boys” and you never finished it. So that story was inspired by you and your friends.
He’s testing your… Some people feel satisfied spending on people they care about, others feel the same way being spent on by the people they care about. Two tangoing things.
peaches, grab while you can. my alter-ego speaking tho.