Televangelist Warns That Guys Who Masturbate Will Be Met With Their Impregnated Hands In The Afterlife
Someone is giving Pat Robertson a run for his money.
Mücahid Cihad Han (pictured above) is a popular Muslim televangelist from Turkey. He recently warned followers that men who masturbate will be greeted by their “pregnant hand in the afterlife.”
The statement came at a Q&A session during Sunday’s taping, when one of Han’s viewers asked the preacher about masturbation.
The man claimed he was addicted to pleasuring himself, saying he “kept masturbating, although he was married, and even during the Umrah,” the holy pilgrimage to Mecca performed by Muslims.
Han, who once called homosexuality “evil” and “the worst of all sins,” scolded the man, telling him that Islam strictly forbids masturbation.
“One hadith states that those who have sexual intercourse with their hands will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife,” he cautioned.
The televangelist continued: “If our viewer was single, I could recommend he marry, but what can I say now? … Resist Satan’s temptations!”
Unfortunately, rather than offering clarity, the statement only created more confusion, as the Internet was soon abuzz with follow-up questions, including: Are there gynecologists in the afterlife? Is abortion allowed there? What about adoption? But, perhaps most importantly, how exactly will the hand give birth?
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39 Comments
Mandy
June 07, 05:39*shaking my head* Chai! How do all these kinds of people exist? How, dear God, did You create some people and close their skulls, forgetting to insert their brains before completing their creation, hmm?
pinkpanthertb
June 07, 05:46LOL.
wildero64
June 07, 05:45Why does anyone listen to these sick people??
pinkpanthertb
June 07, 05:47If they are dumb enough to exist, then there are others dumb enough to listen and believe them. Sad, really.
wildero64
June 07, 06:01Yeah :/
Dennis Macaulay
June 07, 06:08I swear down
Masked Man
June 07, 05:48And I will have a million children in the afterlife.
Khristopher B!
June 07, 05:51Chimo! If na so, that’s my hand and that of Pinky’s will be having multiple twins every minute when we cross over. So those that blow off ppl till they cum, might probably have a pregnant mouth in the after life… Kam nukwa!
chestnut
June 07, 06:01Ur hand and dat of PINKY keh? Hian! Na team-work? Both of u should throw more light pls…
@Topic: lol…I don’t remember every cumming on/in my hands sha (I suppose it’s contact with semen that makes the hand…conceive?); I try to be a very tidy and organised wanker; no unnecessary leakages or spills anywhere…hehehe. That televangelist is crazy tho! Are there ovaries in my palms? I can’t!
Absalom
June 07, 08:17Where do you cum in – a kidney dish?
#AskingForTheLord
chestnut
June 07, 08:45@Absie: hehehe…I have a technique…
But wait o,do ppl really cum INSIDE their hands? Like literally? Really? How, like wank with one hand and use ther other as a receptacle to collect d spillage? Cos there’s no way u can cum into the palm that is holding ur shaft, right? Maybe I need to review my wanking etiquette,lol.
Absalom
June 07, 08:58Nah. It spills over the fingers…you know, like some bridal bouquets. 😉
Dennis Macaulay
June 07, 06:08Max’s hands will have 10 sets of quadruplets lol
Max
June 07, 06:39Thats per week ☺☺
Dennis Macaulay
June 07, 07:04Chai
samsey
June 07, 06:13Like seriously, how dumb can people get, religiosity is the new kind of organized and hallowed foolishness. “the worst of all sins” my flat behind. Mtcheww.
keredim69
June 07, 06:21I am a safe sex advocate even when I have intercourse with my hand.
So inshallah there will be no unwanted pregnancies for me in the afterlife.
trystham
June 07, 06:43U use gloves??? You 4 don wank ur D raw sha…lol
Absalom
June 07, 08:19Huh? Do you empty the contents of the rubber in your mouth when you’re done? Is that why you want no spillages?
Absalom
June 07, 09:39*dead*
keredim69
June 07, 09:53*Na you ask question*
Dennis Macaulay
June 07, 11:32Tufiakwa! Absie and Keredim! There is no hope for you
Max
June 07, 06:37Akuko n’egwu… Stop deluding yourself imam… There’s no afterlife!
When you die, you die… And vanish..
This promise of afterlife is what’s causing a lot of chaos in the world today.
pete
June 07, 06:43saddest part will be people believing this crap
pinkpanthertb
June 07, 07:57You wank with condoms? *making a face*
sinnex
June 07, 08:05I guess the afterlife won’t recognise that I am still a virgin…hmmmm….so I’d be a pregnant virgin? What’s the use then?
pinkpanthertb
June 07, 08:07So you shall have sex then, yea? *slowly widening grin*
Absalom
June 07, 08:22Nah. It’s in case one of Muhammed’s 77 virgins doesn’t make it to heaven, Sinnex can fill in as substitute. After all, hole na hole!
chestnut
June 07, 08:52Sinnex,it’s not u who would be pregnant,but ur right hand…or left hand,as d case may be. Ur hand will come and meet u(as a seperate entity), swollen with the seed of ur inflammed self-lust…in d afterlife.lol
pinkpanthertb
June 07, 12:10Hahahahahahahaa! Chai chestnut.
Gad
June 07, 10:03I’m sure this man thinks his entire congregation don’t think. That’s why he feel he can say anything that comes to his mind
QueerMike
June 07, 11:06Some people’s words are so full of shit I’m not sure if they need tissue paper or sanitizers.
Chai!!! Make I nor fuck… make I nor whank too??? Ahn Ahn…
IVANKO
June 07, 11:55Mtshewwwwwww whatever, back to what I was abt starting *masturbate* befor seeing dis, PP remind me whr I kept my vasline…. again.
pinkpanthertb
June 07, 12:14Someone’s pregnant hand is uploading in hell fire.
Khaleesi
June 07, 12:37loool … such pathetic foolishness, such a waste of valuable space and oxygen and an unnecessary drain on the world’s scarce reserves of food and water! ***flicks manicured hands in disdain and sashays away****
kacee
June 07, 14:49Somepple just need the publicity mtchewwwww duhhhh
Jamie
June 07, 20:18Oh hun… Time to continue massaging my tummy with sperms…!!
wondabuoy
June 11, 16:31That’s when the pregnancy will be made main; it’s the tummy that should be pregnant.
Call me Morgana
June 08, 21:09I guess I would be the new Abraham there cos I masturbate like everyday. Minimum of 9 times a week. *Don’t judge me though* *Red yeast coffee please?*