Previously on KIZITO SPEAKS


Kene drove on. Away from the economical but fun part of the school. Away from the thuggish parts. He drove toward the Beverly Hills part.

It was quite dark now. I was just so tired and hungry. He drove into the lodge and parked. We got down and headed up to his room.

“Just sit down, make yourself comfortable. I’ll go put on the gen and get you something to eat,” he said.

I sat on the bed and replayed the events of the horrible day in my head. Then I called my parents and told them everything. I was like, “Kele Chineke. I met this my friend from Lagos here, I guess I’ll be staying with him for as long as I’ll be here. No need to rent any stupid room. He has saved me from that one.”

They were like, “Heu. Thank God, nwam. You’ve been through a lot just this day. It’s not easy. Irigo nni? Just eat something biko. Rest. We will talk tomorrow.”

Kene was soon back with sumptuous takeaway meals. Food!


We were done eating and the next thing that followed was, “Wow! Kizito, you’re in Owerri! Tell me, what happened?”

I had to relate to him all that had happened, what had brought me here, what I was planning to do, how I was going to go about things.

And then, there followed another, “Wow! I can’t believe this. Kizito. In Owerri! Lovely. I’ve missed you, honestly!”

And here we go.

Before now, Kene and I had met only once in Lagos. We had on-and-off chats from time to time. He said he loved me. He sure sounded serious about it. But do I love him? No. Like? Maybe. During that hangout with him, we talked about school, relationships, family, blah, blah. He was horny AF. Whether it was the love or the level of testosterone, he just wouldn’t let me be. A simple kiss, yes. But then, sex. Sex! Sex! Sex! Must they all want sex?!

“Let’s have sex,” he’d said.

“No,” I answered.


That was the first of the thousand times he asked me that day.

Eventually, I consented, but only to a quickie, with our clothes on. His in-law was going to be home soon. Her little baby was home and Kene was babysitting. It was a very uncomfortable moment. “No. No oh. Abeg. I can’t take it. I can’t do this.” More ‘No’s. And as if he were pricing tomatoes, he lowered it down to lap-fucking. I was disgusted. But I indulged him. He was over in minutes. Thank God! Now when I leave, I can proceed to never seeing this guy again.

Or so I’d thought.

Now, I’ve seen him again. And I need his help. And he wants me. Badly. Of course when he genuinely offered for me to stay, to be his roommate, I knew what the price would be.

I woke the next morning. Nice morning. Kene had lectures. I was going to head to school; I had an appointment with a woman there. I’d also get my bags from Will’s place. I quickly got to cleaning the room, washing the dishes, sweeping. Habit!

A day or two was my intended time to spend in Owerri. But then, I had an exam to write, and so, the plan changed to a month. What was the use of traveling to Lagos and back then? Besides, I wanted this freedom. I would be here. Yay! I would see Dan. I would see a whole lot of people. I would enjoy here.

And Kene would sleep with you every night, a voice in my head said.


Kene isn’t bad. He is clean. He walks funny and has a hunch. The only thing that attracted me to him was his eyes. He has cat eyes.

That voice was right. Kene slept with me almost every night. There were no issues between us.

Kene is also this ‘straight acting’ guy who thinks that what we do isn’t normal. The this-is-just-a-game type of guy. The don’t-you-want-to-get-married guy. He has a babe. Na wash!

I managed to stand him. He was providing a roof over my head. I had to stand him.

He irritated me. And he could tell by my attitude. He’d ask, “What’s the matter? You’re acting strange. You frown all the time. You’re always silent.”

Yes, I know. I grew cold. He got the message. He feigned coldness too. Oshi! No one can bring on the ice better than me. My ice stings! And soon, it began to sting him, so much he had to stop approaching me for sex.

I went over to Will’s for two days. Amazing Will. He was fun. The nights were cool. I would assist him with assignments and we’d take walks and visit his friend. And all this time, konji was killing the other one in Beverly Hills. Or so I presumed.

I missed home. But I liked it here. I was ready to remain unkonjified till I left Owerri. I wasn’t going do shit with Kene. I told him.

“See, I’m tired.”

Suddenly, he gave me a look, like he’d just realized something. “Wait. You think it’s because of sex that I agreed for you to stay with me?”


“No. Don’t think that. See, I love you, that’s why. You’re a very nice boy. You’re my guy.”

In my mind, I was like, “Love gbakwa oku. Goat!”

Outside my mind, I was like, “I want to observe my Lenten season very well. I can’t do this.”

“Fine. It’s OK. I understand. Mama’s boy. Church boy. Holy, holy,” he teased.

The goat!

Tease me all you want, so far as you don’t touch me.

Then we got to the part where I’d had to leave the room whenever he invited someone over. They were usually ugly, dirty people. Konji is a bitch, I swear. He’d gone from eating pizza to roadside buns.


I had to leave him for a while. I couldn’t deal. I had open invitation to stay at boyfriend’s place in PH! Dan. Oh Dan. Remember Dan?

Before the invitation came, Kene and I talked. “It would be embarrassing if you’re here when I bring people over. You know…” he said. “Do you have any friend you could stay with? When we’re done, you could come back.”

“I could stay on the little balcony if you don’t mind,” I replied. “I won’t make a sound. You wouldn’t even know I’m here. I’ll –”

“No, no, it can’t work na,” he objected. “E get as e go be. See, I don’t enjoy doing this. I just don’t want to spoil your Lenten observance.”

Owuya! Abia. Mtcheeew.

“OK. It’s fine. I think I have a friend of mine whose place I could spend the nights. Don’t worry.”

“Are you sure? If he can’t, I could tell one of my friends to let you sleep at theirs.”


“No. Don’t bother.” I planned on staying with Will but I didn’t want to bother him anymore. Ah-ah. He’s tried enough. So I called Dan. I was going to stay with Dan for a few days. I filled my backpack with necessary stuff. Books, cloths, blah.

And within an hour, I was in a bus heading to Port Harcourt.

Vraam! Vraam!

Written by Kizito

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  1. Mandy
    June 17, 07:31 Reply

    Lol. Nawa o, you truly do not like this guy sha. He doesn’t seem like a bad guy. What gives, Kizito?

  2. ambivalentone
    June 17, 08:30 Reply

    Can’t say I blame you. Some ppl can’t just find d balance between sex and talk that suits you. For some, its too much sex. Others, too much talk. Yet again for lots, its too much sex-related talk. Abeg, he shud carry his wahala n go.

  3. Griffin
    June 17, 08:46 Reply

    My dear you try oooo, me after the first two times of sex, I’m out, there’s this awkwardness that comes with living in close quarters and fucking with someone who you’re not dating. It’s just weird.

    And you’re just a goat, LMAO…..”went from eating pizza to eating roadside buns”, haba nah Kizito you’re just pure evil.

  4. Terra
    June 17, 09:21 Reply

    You tried though. Going through the sex every night with someone you didn’t like. It was really funny. But I have a small request. Would you mind including translations in brackets or something for the igbo and phrases? I feel like I missed out on some good jokes. The only phrase I know in igbo is “ego le”

  5. Bryann
    June 17, 09:29 Reply

    Pls!!!! Am not even here to read this epistle, rather am here to vent my anger after reading one of the most humiliating punch, Kenyan govt recently threw at it LGBTI Community… A country that has visibly condemned same-sex, have also joined its Nigerian Big brother to criminalize gay. They have also instituted a 14 yrs jail term and has outrightly banned gay gatherings….. Now brothers!!!!! They also want to institute forced Anal examinations 4 gay suspect, a compulsory Hiv and hepatitis tests for them too….. How petty can they actually get???? Why are they flagrantly abusing human rights?? Now i want to be Omar Mateen, but this time, i will be killing hetero-kenyans….. Why are they making life so unbearable for them……

  6. Cedar
    June 18, 09:13 Reply

    Nawa 4 u nd ur style o. U gat me laughing at some point. Seriously, I understand hw it feels like f**king someone u gat no emotions for, can be so frigid u know.
    But hey, seems d poor guy loves u loads. Yet, sometimes, we lavish love on some persons who don’t love us. Anyways, what do I know.

  7. Dickson Clement
    June 18, 14:36 Reply

    Kizito ! You are funny. You won’t give him ‘Pizza’ yet you are disgusted that he is having ‘road side bun’… Haba!

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